


Blood Requiem

by KrissyG927



Series: Down the Dark Road [4]
Category: Red Canyon (2008)
Genre: Angst, Blowjobs, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Cousin Incest, Drinking, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Sitting, Fucking, I didn't even know that was a tag O//O, Iconic characteristics ( my personal head canons), Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, In the words of a great reviewer and I quote, Mac reads Nietzsche, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs, Smut, So yeah, Some of my usual bullshit, Sorry Not Sorry, Spanking, Trigger warnings for everything Mac, Underage Drinking, Violence, a fucked up love story, another tag I didn't know existed LOL, face riding, iconic line origins ( my personal head canons), incestuous thoughts, music up the wazoo, questionable morals, questionable relationships, “It’s still pretty fucked and beyond complicated.”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-01 05:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 75,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13287915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrissyG927/pseuds/KrissyG927
Summary: Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood.NietzscheEver wonder how the monster was made and how? I have, I am fascinated with the how and why of Mac.  How did he come to be who he is? I present to you my mind and an imagination that dreamed up a catalyst that may have helped turn him so to speak; if it was even one event, maybe it was a series of events. Maybe he was evil from childhood, did someone notice things and look the other way? Was he mentally ill? Did he know there was something wrong with him? Did he care? Could he love another person? Could someone love him? Nature versus Nurture? Was someone influencing him? Was it the drugs that made him do it? Maybe, but maybe not. Could he find redemption and if he could, would he want to? So many questions and then my mind went wandering. Thank you for reading :)





	1. Hey, Lucy I Remember Your Name

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you to the wonderful, talented, beautiful, bestest friend in the world for beta reading and holding my hand while I wrote this story (just like all the others, lol). At every turn, I was unsure if it was too much, too long, too deep, too something etc. and she encouraged me like I was paying her to, love you! I could never do this without her, nor would I ever want to. I sincerely hope everyone has a friend like her, she's the best (Also she's MINE so hands off lol, I'm like a jealous girlfriend). Thank you, sweetie, I could not do this without you, not one word would ever get written.
> 
> This is not one of my short Mac stories where he finds some unsuspecting woman and makes her life hell for his own amusement and desires. This story has that, but it takes a little bit to get to it; a slow burn to murder and rape if you will. Not too slow though, a few chapters of background and then it's on :) But if you only want a short psycho from the jump Mac story, I have written three, all under ten chapters, but this one goes way deeper than those do. They can be found in the Down the Dark Road series, of which this story will also be included in. I am sorry for this horribly long author's note, but I wanted to explain the things I changed and the things I kept the same, and of course post some disclaimers.
> 
> Remember, THIS IS A RED CANYON fiction and we all know who Mac is, and what he does, please don't read if this isn't your thing. In this story he's a young person, in the beginning, maybe innocent and maybe not. He will evolve as the story goes along to all his non-con, rapey goodness, but that's not the core of the story, but it is there, you can't really write Mac and not have it in my opinion. I also tend to write Mac as very seductive, it's just how I see him, let me know if you agree. When I re-read this I realized there's a lot of smut in this so if that's your thing, you're in the right place. Just all the Mac warnings apply, I think that covers it.
> 
> Some chapters are short and some are way too long, that's just the way it all ended up. I couldn't break them up any other way without killing the flow of the story, but this is finished so updates will be frequent. This is over twenty-five chapters long, my longest Mac fiction, I hope you will let me know what you think :)
> 
> Also, one more thing Mac's family tree is so convoluted and confusing; not to mention disturbing. It took me three times watching the movie and a little digging to figure it all out. I may have gotten some things wrong, but I hope you will forgive me. I left Devon and Regina out of this, I didn't want to get into the whole dynamic of their relationship, and so they are mentioned but don't actually appear.
> 
> Walter is in this because, well, he’s Walter. And I added some OC's cause that's what I do :) I also tag all my Mac fiction as “this is not a love story” but this one kind of is. As usual, there is a lot of music in this story, the songs I listened to while writing this, I know some people don't like that, and I'm sorry, but I sometimes can't do it any other way. If you only listen to one song that I reference in this mess let it be Lucy by Skillet. I heard the song on Thanksgiving 2017 and the rest is history. That's how it happens for me, I hear a song and boom! Story.
> 
>  
> 
> “Hey Lucy, I remember your name,  
> I left a dozen roses on your grave today.  
> I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away,  
> I just came to talk for a while.  
> I got some things I need to say.  
> Now that it's over,  
> I just wanna hold her.  
> I'd give up all the world to see,  
> That little piece of heaven looking back at me.
> 
> Now that it's over,  
> I just wanna hold her.  
> I've gotta live with the choices I made,  
> And I can't live with myself today.
> 
> Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday.  
> They said it'd bring some closure to say your name.  
> I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance,  
> But all I got are these roses to give,  
> And they can't help me make amends.
> 
> Here we are, now you're in my arms,  
> I never wanted anything so bad.  
> Here we are, for a brand new start,  
> Living the life that we could've had.
> 
> Lucy by Skillet 
> 
>  
> 
> This story took me months to write and I hope you will let me know what you think. Xoxox Krissy.
> 
> Here’s the entire playlist. https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/mac-and-lucy/pl.u-6mo4EJZCBZpLq4l

“Hey, love, hey love, don't lie to me, tell me where did you sleep last night?”  
In the Pines- Covered by Nirvana and many different artists

 

 

Requiem ~: a solemn chant (such as a dirge) for the repose of the dead.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It seemed like yesterday but it wasn't, he knew that. Sometimes the memory was so strong that he thought he was a young man again, but it was not so. It had not been so for a long time.

He was an older man now, with an older man’s sensibilities, not the young hot head who thought he owned the world he once was. He found out the hard way that the world was not under his command and she was dead because of it; but still, he went to her grave every year on her birthday with pink roses, her favorite. Mac would do it until he was no longer able to, he owed her that much. He had always made a big thing of her birthday when she was alive, and he continued all his life; even if her life was over.

It was the summer of his 64th year and Lucy had been dead in the ground for over forty years. It was a long time now that she had been gone and yet he thought of her, every day. He missed her with an acute pain so desperate as if part of him was forever lost, an ache that would never go away, and maybe he didn’t want it to, maybe he thought he deserved it. 

His bones hurt some now too, the doctor said it was arthritis; soon he wouldn’t be able to sit on the ground like he was now. But he would do it for as long as he could, he talked to her when he came to visit, and told her how much he missed her, no matter how much time passed; he still missed her.

Hell, sometimes he talked to her when he wasn't here at her grave, he could be at home, or in the truck and just start talking out loud as if she still sat next to him. She was the first person, besides himself that he loved and he loved her still.

“Te Amo,” He whispered as he pushed the leaves off of the small stone that said Lucy Luanardi July 7th 1980- October 29th 2004, “Corina.” He murmured, that was Spanish for beautiful, and what he always called her, but now when it slipped from his lips it was in grief. There was something missing from the headstone, he had always planned to get that fixed, maybe one day before he was dead in the ground right next to her he would do it. He wasn't afraid of death anymore, he was ready and had been for a long time.

As he sat there, and as always, Mac could swear that she was right there, the way it was supposed to be, but maybe he was getting senile from old age and a lifetime of drug abuse, it was possible. Methadone had eaten his bones too, which could account for the pain he had sitting there on the ground at the moment. But he was clean, and he had been for a long time; Lucy would have been happy about that. Mac hoped that where ever she was that she knew he had finally gotten clean.

Too late to save her though.

He was supposed to protect her and he hadn't been able to do that, a fact that haunted him all of his days. Mac had been reckless and Lucy paid the price for that, but he was paying too, unable to forget her. No matter what things, drugs and other pass times he acquired, nothing killed that pain inside of him.

He didn't take care of what belonged to him, she was his to protect.

When Lucy first died he slept on her grave on more than one drunken night, but that was a long time ago. He had accepted that he was too old to do that now, he'd die of frostbite or bake depending on the season. “I was always yours to have and you were always mine.” those words rang through his head from a poem she had read to him often, she was always reading poetry, he remembered her so clearly, even now.

Her bright green eyes came to him in his dreams on more nights than not, the touch of her hair; he could swear he still remembered how it felt in his hands.

“I have always loved you more” were the words he made sure were inscribed on her stone, from that poem; but she had been wrong about that, he always loved her more. It was a fitting marker for her short life, she loved poetry, and she had loved him, but he loved her more.

 

Hey, Lucy, I remember your name.


	2. I Want You Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes into how Mac and Lucy meet and explains why their bond is so strong that he mourns her the rest of his life. Also, Grammarly is being a bitch today so if there's any typos or mistakes I apologize in advance.

“When I had you to myself, I didn't want you around  
Those pretty faces always make you stand out in a crowd.”

I Want You Back by The Jackson Five

 

“Why is he in pink?” He asked and his mother giggled at the innocence of his question, Mac was always so inquisitive and constantly wanting to know everything about the world around him, even at such a young age. He walked early and he talked early and Sylvia was convinced he was a genius and maybe he was. But there were things his child's mind just could not grasp, like why a boy would be dressed in pink, when the answer was so simple to adults.

Two year old Mac approached the new baby in his Aunt Sheila’s arms with trepidation, she was there for a regular summer visit with Mac's mother, as usual, but this time she had a baby. He had heard something about a baby in her belly and assumed it would be a boy like him, they had all said it was going to be a boy. It was so small to him in his aunt's arms and he was curious, he hadn't seen many babies, and he stared with wide eyes, but why was a boy dressed in pink?

“Because she's a girl Mac, this is Lucy,” His aunt had said and turned the baby so he could see her. The baby had a tuft of dark hair put up like Pebbles in the Flintstones show he liked to watch, with a very pink bow, and Mac knew this was not good.

“It’s a girl?” He sulked with all the disappointment of a two-year-old boy who thought he was getting a boy cousin to play with, “Why couldn’t you have a boy?” 

“That's not how it works Mac,” His mother said from the kitchen, “Aunt Sheila had a girl, even though the doctor's thought it was a boy.”

“Can't you take this girl back and get a boy instead?” He asked innocently and his mother smiled, Aunt Sheila did too.

Then his mother was behind him with her hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her smiling face.

“I think you and Lucy will be great friends, and you have to protect her, look out for her because you're older.” His mother had said, “Can you do that Mac?”

The little boy nodded, he loved his mother and would do anything she asked, even look out for this new girl that was here even though he didn't want her. He wanted a boy cousin to play with, not this girl. “Yes, I will.”

“She's going to be your friend, you'll see.” His mother replied, “And she's your blood, maybe the only blood you'll have one day.”

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Mac's mother, Sylvia followed after him as he gripped one-year-old Lucy around the waist and pulled her to her feet for what seemed like the twentieth time that day. The boy was trying to teach the little girl how to walk, and Sylvia was afraid he was being too rough. It was funny to watch though, he'd pick her up to stand and they would both end up back on the floor. Then Sylvia would pick them both up and it would start all over again.

They had even gotten some of it on film, it would be fun to show them when they were older. Mac had taken to Lucy right from the jump, after his initial disappointment that she was a girl, and she to him; this was just another typical day for them, and he was determined that Lucy was going to walk. The little girl giggled as her older cousin stood her up time after time and she clapped with glee every time they both landed on their asses.

Sylvia got nervous when they did that though, afraid he would land on Lucy and hurt her, but her Mac always made sure the baby fell on top of him, he gave her a safe place to land every time.

“Relax, Syl, he's not gonna hurt her,” Sheila assured as she took a drag on her cigarette and was unconcerned, in fact she laughed as Mac tried to get her daughter to stand on her own and take a few steps., “Better she learns now how to roughhouse, she isn't made of glass.” Sheila knew her sister's son was tenacious, and he got that from his father, everyone knew it, and already he was taking after Walter in so many ways; not all of them good either.

Like Walter, Mac wanted what he wanted and was not easily distracted from a goal, and the boy had set his goal for that summer, never letting up until it was obtained.

Before that summer visit was over, Lucy was indeed walking and chasing after her older cousin. Sheila wondered sometimes if he was sorry that he had been so hell-bent on teaching Lucy to walk now that she wouldn't leave him alone.

For the rest of their stay that year Mac would be running down the hallway or outside, his blonde hair bouncing around his head followed by dark-haired Lucy all day long; wherever Mac went Lucy followed close behind. That was the way it would always be after that, for as long as Lucy was alive.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Mac’s mother screamed out the door as he and Lucy ran across the yard chasing a jackrabbit, they were six and four now, and this summer they had become holy terrors on two legs. Every time she or her sister's back was turned he was leading little Lucy out the door and into trouble. If it wasn't chasing jackrabbits it was making mud pies, which always resulted in them getting filthy before ten am every morning. They were two busy kids, always into something and neither one ever said no to the other. If Mac wanted to do something so did Lucy, if she wanted to do something Mac was all in for it too.

Sheila came for the entire summer now with Lucy and the two children ran her and her sister ragged from dawn until dusk. Lucy's father stayed back in California to work and there was no rush to get back, the summers were filled with endless fun, and they had been so happy.

On the days they went into town Mac always insisted on holding Lucy's hand as they crossed the street.

He was supposed to protect her, he remembered every time, and as the two sisters watched their children together they smiled; he was taking that job seriously even at such a young age.

The two of them scrapped with each other like any other kids would and they didn’t always get along wonderfully, they were kids after all. They lived in close proximity to each other three months a year, in a very small house so there were definitely fights. But not very often and usually not for very long.

Just because Lucy was a girl did not mean she couldn't hold her own though, she could. Mac had thought she'd be no fun, and wouldn't play T-ball or like dirt, but she did. She would throw her long dark hair up into a ponytail and joined right in with the boys. He had been wrong about girls or this girl at least; she was full of surprises at every turn for him and would be the rest of her life, although he didn't know that at six years old. 

Mac did the requisite little boy hair pulling and Lucy pinched; car trips were a hassle for their mothers sometimes. The two of them would sit in the back seat and punch each other, give Indian burns and cut up then eventually fall asleep with their heads on each other's shoulders, “Like angels” Sheila would say and Sylvia would reply, “Little devils.”

That summer they had to put a fence up around the yard and Walter was pissed, but it had been the only way to keep the two of them in the yard.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The summer when she was seven years old, Lucy had confessed to Mac that she was afraid of spiders and he insisted she had to face her fears head on. He didn't want her to be a sissy, and so far, every summer when they came to visit, she had not been. In fact, she was a bit of a what Walter called a tomboy, she was fun to be with and liked everything he liked. Lucy still chased after him and wanted to do everything he wanted to do, he was her only cousin, and if he wanted her to go out in the caves looking for spiders, she was going to go, fear or no fear.

He always made her feel braver than she thought she was; Mac made her believe she could do anything she set her mind to, and he made sure she did exactly that.

Lucy looked forward to spending summers with him, in many ways he was her best friend, the kids where she lived weren't like him. The girls were snotty and the boys were mean, she counted the days all year long until summertime came, and the time with him always went by so fast.

Mac drew her a few pictures of spiders that year to take home with her to remember not to be afraid anymore and she wasn't. He had helped her overcome her fear and she hung the pictures up on her bedroom walls; they stayed there for years until she eventually moved and then she took them with her.

Those pictures eventually would end up on the walls of Mac's house one day, along with the ones he drew later after she was gone.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Sometimes they hung out with the kids that were around the area, but they were always together if they were riding bikes, Mac rode with Lucy on the handlebars. If they were going fishing with the neighborhood kids, he baited her hooks and helped her reel any catch in, as they got older it was understood Lucy and Mac were a package deal from June 23rd until August 17th. That was the time that Lucy and her mother came to visit every year and it was precious time for them and sacrosanct.

If any of the kids so much as looked at her the wrong way, he would remind them nicely, and sometimes not so nicely that Lucy was who he cared about and they had best remember that or else feel his wrath.

More than one kid got punched out for disrespecting her, that was the way it was done in the dismal canyon where they all lived, you fought for your own and everyone knew it. That was the summer that his parents got divorced too, it had been a long time coming; Walter could never keep his hands to himself. Both Mac and Sylvia knew that all too well, Mac took after him that way, solving a lot of his problems with his fists, even at a young age.

Walter took Mac every other weekend because that was his son and no one was keeping his son from him. He owned a bar in town and had an apartment above it; from the time he was ten, and all his life Mac would be at that bar. At first in the back rooms when he was a kid and later as a teenager, he was out front and made aware of the goings on there and in town, and in the canyons.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The two sisters watched the backyard one summer day a year or so later as Mac and Lucy screamed at each other over some nonsense they were fighting about. They were twelve and ten and whatever they were screaming about carried into the house for their mothers to hear. It could be anything, that summer they scrapped a lot, with neither of them ever backing down on the other.

It seemed like every other day they were fighting and the sisters sometimes just tuned them out. When Mac would go to Walter every other weekend, they missed each other, called each other every day, yet all they did that summer was fight. Sometimes it was just verbal and sometimes it was physically because neither one would back down once it started. And that summer it started easily, over the smallest things it seemed.

Lucy did have a habit of not keeping her mouth shut if she had something to say and sometimes Mac just had enough. The sister's understood they were growing up and going through phases, it was just the way it was. They were almost teenagers after all.

That particular day they started out yelling and it soon escalated to pushing and shoving each other and Lucy was waving her finger in his face. Both women heard him threaten to break her finger if she didn't get it out of his face, but they remained out of it, preferring to let them work it out themselves.

“They’re scrapping again,” Sheila said looking out the window, “Oh! She called him a spic.”

The two women watched as the fight moved to the ground and all they could see is the back of their converse sneakers as they tussled on the ground, Mac could be heard telling Lucy, “Don't ever call me that you fuckin pendejo wap.” Asshole Italian.

“Part of me wants to kick both their asses and part of me wonders if we should go break it up,” Sylvia said, she was always the first to cave because Mac was a boy and she was still afraid he'd hurt Lucy by mistake.

“When we see blood, or broken bones, yes, otherwise I’d say let them work it out.”

“But the name calling...” Sylvia said.

“What? She is a wap, the kid ain't lyin,” She laughed and soon Sylvia was laughing too.

They always worked it out, there might be some name calling, hair pulling, and bruises, but they always worked it out. The particular fight was over Lucy going with him that day with his friends. He had told her no, and he never did that before, it was no girls allowed today, and Lucy couldn't understand what they were doing that she couldn't be a part of.

He told her to go play with the girls that day, Bonnie and Carolina lived two houses away, and he had never told her that before. Lucy didn't want to play with them, all they wanted to do was play baby dolls or barbies. But she looked away and nodded, he wouldn't change his mind, she knew that.

There was a line drawn in the sand it seemed now, boundaries had been set. He wanted time away from her, and finally, she accepted it, but she got one more punch in first and that time he didn't punch her back.

Mac just firmly told her once again that the answer was no and then he was gone for the rest of the day. Lucy waited up as long as she could for him, but he didn't come home till late at night. The first thing he did was take a shower, she vaguely remembered hearing him turn the water on. She rolled over and looked out the window, what was so damn important to do that she couldn't go, and why did he take a shower the minute he got home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, let me know what you think. :)


	3. One Long Sleepless Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making our way to the teen years which are gonna be a rough ride. Buckle up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this, let me know what you think :)

“Trying to live without your love is one long sleepless night  
Let me show you, girl, that I know wrong from right.”

I Want You Back by The Jackson Five

 

Lucy's father died when she was eleven suddenly and Mac was the first person she called; they talked often anyway and kept in touch all winter, counting the days until summer vacation, as always. She would turn twelve during this visit and Mac wanted to make the day special for her after all she had been through that year. That was the first year he bought her the roses too, and that continued for the rest of his life. Pink roses for Lucy on her birthday when she was alive and pink roses for her grave after that. At fourteen and twelve they hadn't known a thing about what the future held for them, they just wanted to have some fun.

Of course, they got caught.

Both their mothers stood in the bedroom on July 7th, Lucy's twelfth birthday as fourteen-year-old Mac and birthday girl Lucy snuck through the window, thinking they got over on their parents. That would be a cold day in hell for sure, the two sisters were not stupid and they had been young once too. As he boosted her through the window Lucy landed with a thud and then looked up; she came face to face with both women.

“Opppsss,” She giggled as Mac came through the window next.

“Where the fuck were you two? It’s one am!” His mother screeched and reached to smack him in the head, but he ducked before she got a good shot.

“Just out walking in the canyon,” Mac shrugged, “Wanted to make her birthday special, we found some cool shit.”

“Yeah. Mom,” Lucy piped up, “Wait till I show those jerks at school what Mac found for me.”

She dumped a bag of red rocks and sparkly stones on the floor and her mother noticed it was the first genuine smile to cross Lucy's face since they had lost her father. Her eyes were bright again after being so dark and listless for months. Sheila had been so worried about Lucy, the girl had been straight up depressed, with good reason, but she was going to be OK. This night was the start of her recovery and her mother stopped worrying so much about her.

They were still in trouble and grounded for two weeks, and no TV, so they had no choice but to stay inside and read. Lucy loved to read and she read out loud to him from all manner of books during that two weeks, and he found he liked the sound of her voice. They read “Moby Dick” and “Alas Babylon” during those two weeks and discussed them in great detail. Even after they weren't grounded anymore, he would still ask her to read to him sometimes and sometimes he would read to her.

They were allowed to listen to the radio and that was how Mac discovered Nirvana, specifically the song Lithium. "I'm so happy cause today I found my friends, they're in my head."

“You smell like smoke Mac, and you!” Lucy’s mother turned to her, “Were you smoking too?”

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

That summer just before they left Lucy broke her arm when she fell off Mac's dirt bike. All summer she had been begging him to let her ride alone and not “bitch” all the time. Against his better judgment he let her ride alone and she wiped out the first go, and he didn't know why he was so shocked by it; that was Lucy always pushing her boundaries, and wiping out.

She had fallen off her bike more times than he could count and her skateboard, what made him think she could handle that dirt bike?

He had never been so scared in his entire life though, not even when Walter got stabbed breaking up a bar fight the December before and that had been the scariest thing he had ever seen. While his friends Martin, Stanley, and Marco stood there laughing, before they even knew if she was OK, Mac was running like a bat out of hell to get to her.

She had been OK because he had made her wear a helmet, even though she complained that it would mess up her hair. He just told her to “Shut the fuck up and do as he said or not ride at all.” That had been the smartest thing he had ever done and for years after he would always be grateful that he'd had the good sense not to give her her way that time.

Sometimes he couldn't say no to her, she had a way of getting what she wanted from him even at a young age. His friend Marco had used the term “pussy whipped” a time or two and got punched in the face, more than once for saying that.

When they got back from the hospital and her arm had been set they sat side by side on the couch watching TV, after a while, Lucy laid her head on his lap and fell asleep. Mac absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair as he looked down at her and he knew in that moment, for the rest of their lives there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her. He had thought she was dead, and worse that he had been responsible; he never wanted to feel that horrible feeling again.

Mac grabbed a marker from the coffee table and scribbled a note on the cast. “Next time look where you’re going- M”; Seeing her in pain had scared him on a visceral level, he had been powerless to make it go away. He didn't like that feeling, he wanted to be an in control man like his father.

As he sat there thinking about his father Lucy’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him, but he didn’t stop playing with her hair.

“I'm sorry I broke your dirt bike,” She whispered and sat up on the couch.

“OK, first, You are way more important to me than that bike, and two, I'll have it running again by the weekend,” Mac answered and that was true, already he was talented in the mechanical field. Sometimes he worked in the garage across from the bar for pocket money, even at such a young age, that was the way it was. If you wanted money in this town you had to earn it and Mac was not afraid of work. 

Frequently his father would hand him packages to run across to the garage, telling him not to look inside and he didn't, but he knew what it was. At fourteen he was extremely street smart and knew already how the world was, his younger cousin went to private school in Los Angeles, she didn't know the way of his world now. He never wanted her to know and he would never tell her what he did and thought about when she was not there.

“Are you just saying that?” She asked, “Aren't you mad?”

“No Luce, I ain't mad at no one but me for letting you do it.” He said and squeezed her good hand.

“I have a hell of a story to tell all those bitches at school this year,” She said with a smile and laid her head back down in his lap, his hand went back into her hair without him even being aware of it.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Hey, what are you doing?” Mac said into the phone one dark January night the next year as he laid down in bed and lit a joint. He quietly sucked in the smoke, holding it deep then exhaling it towards the open window next to his bed. He didn't want Lucy to know he was getting high or for his mother to smell it, things were not good with Sylvia lately.

Mac had just come home from being out with Walter for their regular visitation, was a little wired up and needed to unwind and to talk to her. The pot had been Walter's and he stole a couple of joints for himself like he did every time. Walter was into much more than pot and Mac knew it, that was part of the reason his parents were divorced now. But that was only part of it, Walter hit and still did and ran some shady business from The Luna Mesa. He included his son in his dealings at the bar and elsewhere and shouldn't have, Mac was young and impressionable, and he had no one to talk to but Lucy, no one he wanted to talk to at least. More and more there were things he couldn't tell her though, things that were happening and things that were going on in his head.

The pot helped with that, kept him mellow, kept him from acting upon some of the things he thought about. It was hard though, there were things he wanted to do, he knew they were bad and he didn't care. The pot helped, talking to Lucy helped, but not entirely. His mind was his worst enemy and it was getting worse the older he got.

The pot was no surprise to her, Mac had known how to roll a joint before he could read practically, Lucy knew all about it, she didn't exactly approve, but she loved her cousin. She also knew he didn't get many choices when it came to Walter, it was a slippery slope.

“Reading the most horrible book ever written.”

“Why?”

“It’s required.” Lucy groaned and rolled over in bed, “And it sucks ass.”

“What book?”

“Catcher in the Rye.”

He laughed into the phone, he had to read it two years ago and hated it too, they were so much alike, and yet so different, he thought to himself. 

“Yup.” He replied, “Holden Caufield is a douche.”

“Right?” Lucy replied. They were always on the same page about books, it was uncanny how alike they were.

“Do you know how many serial killers and murderers have been found with that book in their possession?” He asked, “Mark David Chapmen, the one that did John Lennon and that screwball that killed that actress.”

Mac knew a lot about that particular topic, he spent hours at the library researching those very things. He had to because he was symptomatic; some of the traits of people like Chapman and Bundy, he recognized in himself. The obsession with fire, for one thing, the thoughts, and the desire for control. He was smart, Sylvia had been right, his IQ was very high. He was smart enough to go looking for answers to the why and how of himself, why he was the way he was and did the things he did; and it brought no peace.

“Its a piece of shit.” 

“Agreed,” Mac said with a smile, forgetting those thoughts for a while and took another hit off the joint, “How’s La La Land treating you? You need me to come there and bust some asses?” He said lighting his lighter and staring at the flame, he loved fire. Mac was mesmerized by it sometimes and he knew that was not quite normal.

“Nah I got it. But thanks, Mac.” She smiled into the phone, “You're the best.”

“No, I'm not,” He answered, letting the smoke out, and hoping she didn't know what he was doing, but she did. She wasn't stupid and she didn't care. 

Lucy was the only person who thought he was worth a damn, really worth a dam; it was why he clung to her so desperately all his life. His father used him to get back at his mother and to run errands for him and his mother was just mad at him all the time now.

Lucy thought the sun rose and set over him, how could you not want that in your life; she accepted him just as he was, no matter what.

“I think so.” She answered and it was like she was the only person who believed in him at all. Once Mac and his mother had been so close but they were so angry with each other now and she didn't like his friends. 

Walter assured Sylvia that he would watch the boy and make sure that he was on the right path, but Sylvia doubted Walter knew what the right path was. Still, she couldn't stop him from seeing his son and she knew it; she also knew the path Walter might have Mac on wasn't a good one.

“Luce, I'm really not.”

This was only one of the many times Mac would say that to Lucy as if it was a warning; “I’m not a good person Luce,” He would say so often.

“You’re my person and that’s all that matters to me.” She would always say that and it always made him feel better. For a while anyway. 

It was a lot to live up to though and he knew he always fell short, at fourteen he was already running drugs and later he would be learning to cook. He and his friends ran rampant around the canyon doing as they pleased with no repercussions at all. He was going to have to hide so much from her the next time she came to visit. If he even could hide it now that he'd let the beast in his nature take over sometimes, it got easier and easier and deep down inside himself he didn't want it to be.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, let me know what you think. Listen to the song "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You, Baby. by Cigarettes After Sex if you get a chance, you'll see it again Muahahahahaha.


	4. Cry to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch. I'm still not happy with it, I hope it conveys what I am going for here. Thank you as always for reading the crazy xoxoxoxo Krissy

The girl was scared, and with good reason, she wasn't a local and that was the way it was supposed to be, just a hiker who had gotten lost in the canyon and separated from her friends. A victim of circumstance and it was an unlucky day for her. Martin and Marco had found her and under the guise of helping her, lured her to the cave. It worked like a charm, as it did the first time the four of them had done it the six months before.

Mac and Stanley had been out delivering and testing product all day and it was nighttime, dark and quiet when they got back to the caves. They pulled up on their dirt bikes and the two dirt bikes that Martin and Marco rode were both there. That was odd, they were supposed to be hooking up with Walter to get the next weeks order list, there wasn't supposed to be anyone out here right now.

Martin and Marco were already there alright and had been all day since they had found her, and when Mac and Stanley arrived the shit hit the fan. They had the girl tied to a chain on the wall that had been there since before the beginning of time, and she was clearly half dead already. 

That wasn't in the plan for today; these two assholes had acted spontaneously and that wasn't smart at all, Mac was pissed to no end, no one had a brain in their head around this place. Even at fifteen, he had the good sense to cover his ass, there was a right way and a wrong way to do shit and this was the wrong way. 

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Mac said, walking past the girl as if she wasn't even there to where his friends were standing packing up the merch to be delivered the next day, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Martin shrugged, “She was there.”

“We got shit to do,” Mac replied, “Fucking idiots.”

“Hey,” Martin cut him off, “The opportunity presented itself and we took it, might as well, right?”

Mac just grumbled at the unexpected situation, they couldn't let her go, that was a no-brainer; even though they were all already wasted they smoked some more and discussed what the fuck they were going to do. The last time, they all agreed beforehand when and how, and Mac made it clear that that was the way it had to be. Taking some random girl just because she was there was not the way to do this stuff, it required planning.

This spontaneity bullshit was going to get them caught, his friends were a bunch of fucking idiots. He swept his hand through his hair and assessed the situation, he was good at that part. Then he sent Stanley out to keep watch while he fixed this problem.

He'd read a lot about the subject when he was questioning things about himself, but it also told him what not to do and how not to get caught. You had to use your head for god sake, and not be spontaneous. That was asking for trouble, every killer that got busted that he read about had let down their guard and acted in the moment without thinking.

He was going to put the fear of god into these assholes because this was a stupid move. He considered ditching them all and just going solo too, that was a question for another day though, shit had to be handled now. He'd figure that out another time.

“You all can explain why you aren't there getting your lists and that's gonna go over real bad,” He said finally, “Now playtime is over, fucking pack up the rest and we're out of here.”

Mac was the lead by default because he was Walter's kid and this was Walter's set up, but Mac doubted Walter knew about what else they did here. If he did, he never said a word and likely he didn't care as long as the meth got cooked on schedule and deliveries were on time.

“She's blonde Mac,” Marco pointed towards the girl.

“I can fucking see that asshole,” He replied and kicked over a garbage can, “You do this again I'm gonna make sure the old man...”

“How the fuck you gonna do that? Why don't you tell me...” Marco replied.

“Yeah, how ya gonna do that without outing yourself?” Martin added.

He and Marco got into it some more and were eye to eye at one point and Martin leaned down to the girl with a tin in his hand.

“You want some baby?” She shook her head, the fear in her eyes was palpable and she whimpered even with the makeshift gag in her mouth. Martin enjoyed terrorizing her, and he had been at it all day long; her wrists and ankles were raw from the rope he had tied her with initially and there was blood all over her legs.

“Sampling a little too much of the product, yeah?” Mac said to Martin, “You're a fuckin asshole.”

The girl had blonde hair and Mac did prefer blondes, and you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why even he knew the answer to that. He could get behind this he supposed, and his dick was getting hard anyway. He shrugged and looked over at her again; in for a penny, in for a pound, grabbed the tin from Martin, opened it and rubbed the powder on his gums.

The feeling was like lightning shot through his head and he turned towards the girl and snarled.

“I know you spent the day with this amateur, sweetheart, but never fear, Mac is here.” He smiled as devils smile, “Ready to find out how a man does it?”

“A man?,” The girl laughed wearily, “You're a bunch of kids, what are you twelve?”

Mac didn't like that at all, first, he smacked her hard, knocking her against the wall, then leaned down and bit her shoulder hard. The girl screamed a loud blood curdling scream as his teeth broke her skin, then he slapped her twice more until she was almost knocked out. Meth made him violent most of the time if he did too much, there was no getting around that, it was different for everyone, but it made him crazy. 

He preferred the mellow high of some good blue heaven kush, but today he had done some meth while they were delivering, unfortunately for this girl.

They had all done way too much of Walter's special recipe that day and smoked when he got there too, now he'd rubbed it on his gums; it was go time.

He knelt down and spread her legs wide and the girl started to cry, shaking her head no, “Not again...”

“ 'fraid so...” He dragged her across the rock floor by the foot, scratching her back along the way and she just whimpered, too weak to fight. The dirt from the floor of the cave turned her hair red in some places, and it was all over her back. Mac did not give a rat's ass, he pulled her up until she was almost on his lap, yanked his pants down then slammed into her. The girl screamed again, and he smacked her so hard she landed against the far wall again, then he was on her again, over and over until the violence and hunger inside of him was satisfied. The girl was unconscious by the time he got done with her, she'd taken a massive beating all day long, but nothing compared to this wild animal that had her now.

She prayed for death, her name was Samantha, and she ended up dumped down the mine shaft outside the cave after Mac raped her twice and stabbed her to death.

“Now let's get going,” He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants, “We got shit to do, Marco, get rid of her and if you assholes do this again without me knowing about it, I'll string you all up on that hook over there.”

“Alright tweak, whatever you say,” Martin said, and Mac's first instinct was to hit him, but he let it go in favor of getting in Martin's face with the gun he kept in his back pocket or in his truck, courtesy of Walter.

“Shut the fuck up or this all ends, you got me?”

“Got you,” Martin replied, “ Ok, I get it, It's all good right?”

Mac put the gun back in his back pocket, “Do this again without me knowing, any of you and I won't be asking questions. I'll just kill you all.”

Then he walked out.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine...”

 

The phone rang in the other end and a few states away and she didn't answer, it was late and a school night for her and he knew she turned her phone off when she went to sleep. Lucy was serious about school but he still had to call; maybe he just wanted to hear her voice on the message to anchor him back to who he wanted to be. 

It was like he was two people or two people inside of him fighting for dominance. At one time he thought he had Disassociative Disorder but quickly realized that wasn't it. Now he thought he was just evil.

He knew that a moral compass could point you in the right direction but it couldn’t make you go there.

Mac had read extensively about people like him. Most came from broken homes, check. Most had ambiguous relationships with their fathers, check. Some liked to start fires, check. Some were cruel to animals, no check. Some felt disconnected and different than their peers, check. Most were very clever and cunning, check. He checked so many boxes it made his head spin.

The animal had come out tonight, the bad part of him, when he was younger he could keep it away mostly, kept it hidden. But it was so goddamn easy now to just let it out on some unsuspecting girl who might cross his path.

He lit a cigarette and sat on the porch of his house coming down from the high and swearing it would never happen again, like the good drug addict he was already becoming; he left her a message.

“Hey Luce, was just thinking about you, call me when you get this.”

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The night was quiet except the sound of the radio coming from inside the house, Sheila and Sylvia were having a fifties and sixties music retrospective apparently and Mac and Lucy had taken to the backyard. It was summertime again, the best time of the year. It was warm and just about dusk, clear sky to look up at the stars if you wanted to, a perfect night. 

The song that was playing was familiar and they both hummed along with it, they had been hearing this music all their lives and it was pleasant and comforting in a way. Both of Mac's parents and Lucy's too had excellent taste in music and although they both preferred newer music, sometimes it was nice to hear these songs again.

It reminded him of a simpler time, a time with less confusion, and more innocence.

 

“When your baby leaves you all alone,  
And nobody calls you on the phone.  
Don't you feel like crying?  
Don't you feel like crying?  
Well, here I am, my honey  
C'mon, cry to me.” 

 

“You had sex yet Mac?” Lucy asked as if it was the most natural question in the world, they did tell each other everything and she wanted to know. But he was momentarily taken aback just the same, and if she only knew. There were things he couldn't tell her now, she would hate him for sure.

He looked up at her from where he was giving her a tattoo with a lighter, a needle and India ink not believing what she had just said, yet not being entirely surprised. That was Lucy, saying whatever the fuck that was on her mind, as usual.

They were sitting out at the patio table his mother had set up for them, but she had been unaware of the latest thing they were up to. It was not going to go over well with Lucy's Mom, they both knew it and they were both going to get an earful about it, but it didn't stop them.

“Kinda question is that?” He said incredulously.

Lucy knew when he was hiding something, she always knew.

“You can't go asking a guy that.” Mac continued, deflection was the way to go here, “Whats the matter with you?”

“You have! You fucker!” She cried, “I knew it!”

He huffed, he was fifteen what did she expect anyway.

“Who was it? Not that puta butan Becky Marsh, please tell me you didn't stick your dick in her.” She said making a face of disgust.

“Watch your mouth, Luce, and I ain't telling you,” He looked down, feeling his face redden, “Stop talking about my dick.”

“I know it was her, she's been after you for ages but she's a fucking slut, even I know that. I sure hope you wrapped it up, cause Carolina said she has the clap.”

“Carolina doesn't know everything ya know,” Mac countered, "Why you so worried about my dick, huh?".

"I'm worried about your health asshole," She countered.

Good save, Luce, she thought to herself.

“Anyway, I can tell,” She narrowed her eyes as if she was thinking, then she nodded her head, “Yeah, you look different,” She said with all seriousness and he looked up at her in confusion.

“What?” He held the needle in his hand and waited for her to answer.

Lucy could only contain herself for a minute then she started laughing, “You are such an easy mark,” She laughed harder and he ignored her and reached for his pack of cigarettes.

“Have you?” He asked trying to change the subject, even though he didn't really want the answer to that question. Just the thought of her with someone that way...gave him a headache.

She shook her head as he lit a cigarette and placed it between his teeth and set to finish her tattoo. The idea of her even kissing someone made him angrier than it should have, as if she belonged to him and he liked her answer when he finally got it.

“Good, don't... promise me.” He said as he lit the lighter and burned the needle again then dipped it in the ink, “Your mother is gonna have a shit fit when she sees this.”

“Ouch, watch it will ya,” She said as he dug a little too hard into her hand. He hadn't been paying attention and he didn't mean to hurt her, at least that's what he told himself. But was that his way of getting her to promise him? He wasn't sure at all.

“Sorry,” He looked up at her, and she nodded that it was OK and that he hadn't hurt her hand that much. All night Mac had kept gazing at her when she wasn't looking, she had learned how to french braid her hair and it hung over her shoulder like a dark waterfall. He remembered how soft her hair was, and he longed to touch it again.

Now Lucy was staring at him like he had three heads.

 

“When you're all alone in your lonely room,  
And there's nothing but the smell of her perfume.  
Don't you feel like crying?  
Don't you feel like crying?  
Don't you feel like crying?  
C'mon, C'mon, cry to me.” 

 

Now he couldn't tear himself away from her eyes, there was something there that he had never seen before, and he couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was, but whatever it was, he wanted it. Something was there that was just beyond his reach and understanding, buried way back in his mind and in the reflected green eyes before him. He wanted it more than just about anything he had ever wanted before, it felt like a kind of peace.

Lucy had changed on him all of the sudden; that was the thing, he hadn't seen her in a year and now she looked like a girl. Her hair was longer, she had on a halter top and shorts and from where he was leaning over the table to ink her hand he could see she had breasts now. He knew he shouldn't be looking at her, yet...she was...so... “Just promise me you won't Lucy,” He said again, quickly cutting off his thoughts about her.

“Only if you tell me what it's like,” She quipped back and grinned at him.

“Fuck no!” He pulled his eyes away from where they didn't belong and went back to work on her hand. After he finished and took a long drag on his cigarette, he swore to himself he wouldn't look at her that way again.

“Come on tell me,” She said as she admired his handiwork on her wrist, he'd put a spider there, “This is bad ass Mac, now let me do you.”

“Fine,” He put his hand out, she would put the same thing on his wrist, he could have done it himself, but she wanted to and it was hard to say no to her sometimes.

“Macerio,” He glared at her with narrowed eyes for using his given name as she cut into his wrist and dipped the sterilized needle into the ink to tattoo him, “We never keep secrets from each other.”

“Maybe we should start, Lucia,” He sighed but he didn't really want that, not with her, but it was a fact now. There were secrets that had to be kept. Still, as he said it and looked back up at her he knew it wouldn't be this secret he kept, this one was nothing compared to others he kept now.

She was the only one that got away with calling him Macerio, she was also the only one who could ever get him to spill his guts too; he let out a long sigh and she grinned knowing she had won again, “Its fuckin great.”

Lucy nodded and looked away, then back at him after a bit, after her face lost the deep red glow that his words had caused.

“Do you believe in soulmates Mac?”

“Never thought about it, you?”

“I don't know, maybe.”

 

“Whoa, nothing can be sadder than a glass of wine alone.  
Loneliness, loneliness, such a waste of time, whoa yeah.  
You don't ever have walk alone, you see  
Come take my hand, and baby, won't you walk with me?' 

 


	5. The Girl I Didn't Even Want Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little dip into the teenage years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this. Let me know what you think :)

“Every street you walk on, I leave tear stains on the ground  
Following the girl, I didn't even want around.”

I Want You Back by The Jackson Five

 

 

He was shirtless out in the backyard and she watched him from the chair where she sat, just like she did most days that summer. Lucy still couldn’t believe how tall he had gotten this year. He was sixteen and she was fourteen and he had grown inches the last year, while she didn't get much taller at all. 

He was a man practically, his shoulders were a mile wide, his arms so strong and his hair already bleached out from the sun. Her friends at home had mooned over pictures of him all year and as she watched him starting up the dirt bike she was too aware of his body. 

Mac was by far no slouch in the looks department and she knew he had a lot of girlfriends. It was understandable, he was hot as fuck. So much so that she just could not stop looking at him that summer. Always she found her eyes were drawn to his chest, flat stomach and lean hips. 

Lucy watched him often doing yard work or working on the bike, usually shirtless, fuck her life. Today was no different, she was sure to keep her sunglasses on so he couldn't see exactly what she was looking at; she would die. Looking at him was her dirty little secret, not even her girlfriends both at home and in Cainville knew she did that.

There was a book in her lap and she read from it from time to time just for show, but mostly she was looking at him.

He was fair like his mother and only favored his father in temperament, he was half Mexican but looked like a true California surfer when his skin was tan. He was any teenage girl's dream, this teenage girl's dream.

As Lucy was contemplating Mac's tan skin he stopped, stood up and his jeans hung so low on his hips that Lucy could see the thin line of hair that led the trail below his belt. Fuck, that made everything inside of her stir, it was like her skin was on fire and it wasn't from the hot desert sun either.

She watched him as he took a long, sloppy, wet gulp of water from the hose tilting her sunglasses for a better view. Lucy groaned to herself while he let the water run over his head and down over his chest; why did he have to be so good looking?

“What is this shit you're reading?” Mac asked, wiping the water from his face.

“It's poetry ya jerk.” She said with a sweet smile as he approached.

“Come on, I wanna teach you how to drive,” He held his hand out to her.

“Really?” Her face lit up, she was just fourteen and shouldn't have been driving, and he just had his permit, but they hadn't cared much for rules all their lives anyway. Who would stop Walter's kid from driving when he wasn't supposed to anyway, the answer was nobody. Mac did what he wanted now, and rarely faced consequences, but his time with Lucy was separate, in a compartment, far away from his real life.

He was aware of what compartmentalization was, and he knew he was doing it; it was the only way he could exist. He had dropped out of high school that year, but he still continued to read, to try and find the answers to life.

“Yeah, gimme that,” He grabbed the book from her hands, opened it and read a few lines. “I was always yours to have and you were always mine.” He teased.

“I always loved you more,” She replied, reciting the rest of the poem, and the words went right through him like lightning and landed in his gut, “We loved each other in and out of time.”

Mac was rooted to the spot a few feet away from her as the wind blew through the trees, their hair and out into the canyon below. Neither of them said a word. 

 

We loved each other in and out of time.

 

Why was she looking at him that way? Why was he out of breath all of the sudden? His hands shook as he held the book and he stared at her for a minute that seemed to last a lifetime; he couldn't move. Finally, he snapped out of whatever fugue state it was and silently berated himself to 'Get his shit together.' Like Walter always said, “Keep your shit together.” It was his father's favorite saying and he found himself using it often to self-talk when he felt like he was losing it.

“Come on, let's do this,” He tossed the book on the chair finally as if it was on fire and pulled her towards the old red truck he had recently purchased thanks to now being employed by both Walter and the garage across from the bar. He had to get away from that book with the poem that was making him so uncomfortable, “Vamanos!”

 

I was always yours to have and you were always mine.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Martin, one of his partners in crime now and one who would become, eventually, his worst enemy sat down on the steps by his back door next to him a few days later. Lucy was laying in the sun reading another one of her books and the boys were smoking, usually, she would be all up in their faces wanting to talk or tag along wherever they were going but not this day. She was sunbathing in a black bikini and Mac was eyeing Martin closely to make sure he wasn't gawking at her.

Also, he was trying to keep himself from gawking at her. When the fuck had she gotten all those curves?

Marin was acting sketchy and Mac didn't like the way he was looking at Lucy lately.

It had been months since they last killed a girl in the cave, dumped the body and cleaned up the mess, and it had been a mess that last time. It was two now, victims of circumstance, in the wrong place at the wrong time. The first one had been brunette and Mac couldn't touch her, but he touched the other one and that was noted by everyone. 

“It ain’t natural the way you two are.” Martin mused as he looked over at her and then back at Mac.

“Mind your fucking business, Martin.” Mac snapped and Lucy never looked up from her book, she remained on the blanket on her stomach not facing them. She had earbuds in and continued to ignore both of them, and that was unusual.

“She ain't talking to ya is she,” Martin snickered.

“Nope, she's got a stick up her ass over some TV show I made fun of.” Mac answered gratefully that Martin wasn't focused on looking at her and he was making conversation, “She'll get over it.”

There was one TV in the house and he had been watching baseball the night before, which she usually liked to watch too. But some TV show was on now that she liked, Mac had teased her about it endlessly and wouldn't turn off the baseball game. For the first time in a long while they actually had a screaming match, which ended with her stomping off to her room, she had even slammed the door for good measure.

“Almost like ya a married couple, like I said it ain't natural.” Martin made a whistle, “It is some ass though.”

So much for him not being focused on her, Mac would have to watch him from now on.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Mac hissed, Martin was an A class douche bag, but pickings were slim in the area for friends. Still, he didn't want to hear about Lucy's ass from him, he had enough problems without adding her ass into the mix.

“Relax I ain't gonna touch your precious peach.”

“Don't even think of it,” Mac stared him down and Martin was actually afraid for a second, Mac had a look on his face he had never seen, not even when he killed that girl, “Any of you assholes go near her and I'll kill you, you understand?”

They were silent for a bit and then Martin decided to poke the snake some more, because why the hell not. Mac always got so defensive of her, and it was fun to piss him off.

“She know?”

“Know what?” Mac stared straight ahead, his eyes settling on Lucy across the yard.

“What a tweak you are for starters? About the shit you do, what you've done?”

“No, and she ain't gonna so keep your fucking mouth shut.” He took a drag on his cigarette and turned to Martin.

“I ain't sayin a word, when she sees you all fucked up she'll figure it out all on her own.”

“Ain't using so much when she's around,” Mac replied.

“Right, let me know how that works out for you.”

So far, it was working out fine since he was a still casual user, there would come a time when it wasn't so casual and killing wasn't so random, but not on this day. He had control over it and it was never going to touch her, she was never going to know. Until of course, she knew.

“Hey,” Martin elbowed Mac, “Is it true she can bite her own toenails, Esmeralda said she seen her do it once.” He groaned and looked in her direction, “That's some flexibility.”

“Shut the fuck up before I kill you right now.” Mac seethed, “You so much as breathe in her direction and it will be the last thing you do. Are we clear?” When Martin didn't answer, just smirked, Mac grabbed him by his shirt, “Are we clear?

“See what I mean?” Martin replied, “ It ain't natural, just fuck her and get it out of your system already.”

Martin got a fist in the face for that comment, and he had expected it. Anyone who pushed Mac too far got the fist, that was common knowledge. Lucy rolled over when she saw it out of the corner of her eye.

“What the fuck, Mac?” She said sitting up and giving them both a view of the front of the black bikini she was wearing that day.

“Mind your business Luce,” He said as he stretched out his hand, and she gave him the finger, laid back down and ignored him the rest of the day.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Martin's words bothered him, and he wasn't the first to say it either, others said it too and his father called her heina. That was Mexican Spanish for “The Queen of a Man's World”, a term of endearment in his culture, but that was a common phrase to use for a girlfriend or a wife. It was out of place for Mac and Lucy, like Walter gave a shit at all, he said it all the time to Mac. Things like “Where's your heina?”

There wasn't much Mac could do about Walter, except tell him to fuck off, but he pounded any of his friends that talked that shit. Intellectually, he knew that he and Lucy were closer than most siblings, let alone cousins, but they were all each other had. There was no other family and they loved each other fiercely, but it was more than that now and it confused Mac sometimes. 

Walter was not the kind of father that you asked these things and without that positive male influence, he didn't know if what he felt sometimes was normal. Lucy was his good thing; maybe his feelings for her were different and scary, but he couldn't do without her.

And he would take all his secrets to the grave to keep her, she kept him sane.

Mac had analyzed the facts as he understood them and the facts were this, they were teenagers now and each year as they spent time together, things were changing, even if they never talked about it. Now when he slung his arm over her shoulder as they walked down the street his guts stirred and she had stopped asking to hold his hand like she always did when they were little.

Sometimes when he looked at her his heart beat faster and he had dreams about her; wild crazy dreams where he woke up sweaty, out of breath and hard as stone. He had seen her across the room more than one time, staring at him with a funny look on her face and he knew that look; confusion and he knew it because he wore it too.

There were plenty of girls looking for him to spend time with them, but he still paid little attention if Lucy was in town. He could talk to Lucy about anything still, most things, something that was lacking with other females. They didn't really 'get' him the way that she did and they had fun together.

It was true what he had told Martin if Lucy was around he didn't want or need to get high as much. He could get by with smoking pot and alcohol when she was there in the summertime. Lucy already knew about that and didn't judge and sometimes it seemed like she was the only person in the world who didn't.


	6. Starting a Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok about to pull the trigger on this odd but fascinating relationship. It’s about to become a smut show. Also this didn’t start out as a teen story and it won’t end that way. Just is case y’all were wondering. Although I do the teen angst a lot with my Daryl stories, but this is not a teen story. They will be growing up very soon, but I spent some time in the teen years to really build the relationship and show how devoted they are to each other. Well, Mac is devoted as much as he is capable of, being who he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like this is going to be posted every Wed and Sun. Those seem to be the best days for me. But this chapter is for the sweet person who asked for more.

Lucy walked in on him in the bathroom when she was fifteen by accident, she had earphones in her ears and thought he was still asleep, but he had just been getting out of the shower. That had been the biggest event of an otherwise boring summer, the next year, when she turned sixteen was when it all changed. But her seeing him had been the catalyst for her, of sorts, they had stared at each other as she stood in the doorway. Lucy was mortified as the steam from the shower he had just taken rose and seeped out the door.

Mac made no effort to cover himself up and he watched Lucy's eyes react as she got her first up close look at the male anatomy. Her eyes went wide; his dick was huge to her inexperienced eyes, and she stood there with her mouth gaping open for a good minute from his estimation. Then with a hurried, whispered, “sorry,” she was gone down the hall and out the back door. 

She didn't come back for hours and he had been getting worried about her, it would be dark soon and he didn't want her out alone in the dark around here. It wasn't safe, his friends knew Lucy was off limits, but that didn't mean they wouldn't hassle her a little. When he was about to go look for her she came back, just as he was starting up the truck. She ran past him without looking his way and immediately locked herself in her room without a word to him.

Lucy had been too embarrassed to look him in the face for two days and avoided him like he had the plague. How could she face him; all she could think about was how big and hard it looked.

They had not spoken and he wasn't having that, he had given her space but on the third day he hunted her down and trapped her in the small hallway between their rooms. Lucy had made herself so scarce that when she came out of her room finally he made sure he was right there waiting.

“It's just a dick, Lucy, get over it.” Mac began.

She shook her head, “I know that.”

“A really big and above average dick, so I've been told...” He said with a grin.

Lucy blanched and backed into the wall hoping it would swallow her whole, and he stepped forward, invading her personal space.

“Get over it and don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you to even things up.” He said, but he became acutely aware of how close they were standing to each other in the small hallway now, he hadn't done that on purpose, he just didn't want her to run away again.

“That's not it,” She replied, “I just have to work something out in my head that's all.” And she tried to sneak under his arm but he wasn't having it. He stopped her from moving by putting his arms up like a barricade, they were going to work this out now, so things could go back to normal.

“Care to share?” He said, keeping his hands over her head on either side to keep her there and shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Lucy was swirling with emotions, there were so many feelings all of the sudden and she couldn't put them into words. She just couldn't tell him about any of it; it was too embarrassing. 

He brought his face closer and staring into her eyes, blue on green, “Not letting you out of here until ya tell me.”

She knew he would keep her there all day, Mac would never back down, but should she tell? Lucy opened her mouth then closed it again, then almost spoke again, reconsidered and then reconsidered again until finally, she spoke in a whisper, almost too soft to hear, “I wanted to keep looking at you.”

Mac's hands slid down the wall slightly.

He had no answer for that, and he stood there dumbfounded, but her confession made something in his gut twist, he could feel the heat rising in him; it turned him on. Lucy was a mess, that same feeling she had the other day was bubbling under her skin now when she looked at him, she felt like she had a fever. That was why she had avoided him, but now he was in her face and too close.

She would burn alive if she didn't get outside soon into the breeze.

The air was thick all of the sudden, humid and hot in the house and neither of them could breathe, Mac moved his face closer to hers, a fraction of an inch. It was like a movie was playing before his eyes, a few more inches and their lips would touch, she knew and she didn't stop him either. He looked into her green eyes and saw no reservation and he wondered how sweet she would taste.

 

******Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side.****

 

Mac smelled like cigarettes, gasoline, pot and dirt, the smells she always associated with him, familiar and comforting; she breathed in deeply, his scent calming her anxiety as she began to close her eyes. This was what she wanted, she had been dreaming of kissing him forever...

 

Outside the car door slammed and took them out of the daze they had both fallen into and they separated quickly as their mothers walked up the sidewalk.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

That night he showed up on the doorstep of one of the girls he kept company with to try and get free of what almost happened with Lucy. It was too confusing and one of those things he knew he wouldn't be able to take back once it was done.

Mac had a lot to think about and a lot to sort out in his own head now after trying to avoid it for so long. He knew that he loved her, he always did, but it had changed along the way from the innocent love of a boy to the passion of a man. He wasn't ready to face that completely yet.

She was his cousin, there had to be something wrong with him. But she had wanted it too, it was too much and she was too important to him. This situation required deep thought because once one of them tipped a domino all of them would fall and it could never be undone.

When he got home Lucy was waiting up for him on the front steps like she did sometimes, most times, but he didn't stop to talk to her, just nodded and went inside. She knew where he had gone and why, and he knew she knew.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Something in the way she moves,  
Attracts me like no other lover.  
Something in the way she woos me.”

 

His mother always told the story of him asking to take Lucy back to the baby store and trading her for a boy, he knew he had said that but he'd never felt like he would ever want her to be anyone but who she was. Except now, as he laid out in the bed of his truck alone looking up at the stars, listening to music, something they always did together; he was full of confusion.

There was something wrong with him, he had known it for a long time now. He felt no regret or remorse for anything he did, except his thoughts about her and that was only sometimes. He could never act upon them, that was out of the question, wasn't it? 

Now the burning need he had felt to kiss her was all consuming and he didn't like to be out of control. Unless he could find a way to rein it in and only take it out when he wanted to, maybe that would work. He considered if he could, he wanted her, no matter how fucked up that was, and he had been lying to himself all this time. But she might make him lose control, Mac was not ready to risk that, a person who let themselves be out of control would watch their life go right to shit.

 

“You're asking me will my love grow?  
I don't know, I don't know.  
You stick around now it may show,  
I don't know, I don't know.”

 

He lit a cigarette, stared at the enticing flame and contemplated the fire that was burning inside of him and between Lucy and himself. He had seen it plain as day now, in her eyes, and he felt it somewhere deep where no one had been before. Sex was sex and wasn't all pussy the same? For him it had been so far, nameless girls he used for one thing and they let him do it. And the ones that didn't let him, then he took what he wanted.

All his life he had felt different than other people, not quite connected, except for Lucy, she was like his talisman. But she wasn't with him all the time and when she wasn't all bets were off. He and his friends were like a pack of wolves on the prowl and the thoughts........

He took a small bottle out of his shirt pocket and inhaled deeply wishing for it to calm him.

 

“Something in the way she knows,  
And all I have to do is think of her.  
Something in the things she shows me.

Don't want to leave her now.  
You know I believe and how.”

 

Lucy wore Lemongrass and Coconut perfume oil that she mixed herself and he kept a bottle of it that he had swiped out of her room the summer before for when she wasn't around. She had gone home a week ago and he missed her already but smelling the elixir she wore every day made him feel close to her even when she was away from him.

He breathed it in as he lay in the bed of the truck knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was so fucked now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) xoxoxo Krissy


	7. Putting it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving through the teen years. Smut warning ahead.

That year it was difficult for him to burn her out of his mind and he tried, Mac tried every day. At first, he had been so wound up over what almost happened that he couldn't think of anything else. It was an obsession that wouldn't go away no matter what he did, and he never thought of any girl as much as he thought of her. He wondered if Lucy was upset, she never said a thing about it.

She also didn't try and stop it, stop him.

If their parents hadn't come home they would have ended up in bed together, he wouldn't have been able to stop and that was not good. He wondered if she said no, would he have forced her and that was a gruesome thought even for him. But he wasn't sure that he wouldn't have. He had been ready to pounce on her like a cat pounced on a mouse when their mothers arrived.

He threw himself into working now, and Walter couldn't have been happier with his last son, there were rumors that Walter had other children, but none of them had ever shown up. Mac was the youngest of Walter's children or so it was thought by most people. Now he was Walter's favorite son, there was an older brother somewhere and a sister, but Walter rarely mentioned them.

Mac didn't know he had siblings until he was older, their mother had taken them away before he was born, an older brother would have been nice to talk to, there was a lot of shit on his mind and no answers in sight.

More and more he realized there had to be something mentally wrong with him, it wasn't the meth, not entirely, that just brought it out more. At least that was what he could figure out for himself.

In school, before he dropped out he had read Nietzsche; Nietzsche was a little crazy and in love with his sister allegedly, “Battle not with monsters, lest you become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.” 

He was lusting after his cousin, and not entirely sorry about it, there was nothing alleged about that either; he was gazing into the abyss and he liked it.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Walter smacked Mac on the back of the head as he sat on the bar stool peeling the label off his empty beer bottle, a habit he had acquired recently and did without even realizing it. He was texting with Lucy and not paying attention, Blue Oyster Cult was on the jukebox in the corner by the pool table, and he hummed along with the song he had heard a million times there, “Burn out the day, burn out the night, I can't see no reason to put up a fight.” The story of his fucking life wasn't it? He hadn't heard Walter creep around to his side of the bar until he was right next to him.

It was late afternoon, still, he had nowhere to be and the nighttime regulars were starting to filter in. Rosie, one of the bartenders was already up to her elbows in orders, but she had been at this so long that she didn't even need to think before she poured.

“You all caught up?” Walter asked folding his arms across his chest and assessing his son.

“Yeah, what the fuck man?” Mac said, closing his phone as Rosie twisted the cap off of a beer and placed it in front of him, taking the empty and leaving the torn label on the bar. “Thanks, Rosie.”

Rosie nodded and then did the same for Walter then headed to the other side of the bar to repeat the same for Marco, Stanley, and Martin.

“You make your quota?” Walter persisted.

“Don't I always?” Mac rolled his eyes at the dumb question, took a sip of the beer and Walter nodded.

“I need you to keep an eye on those jerk offs,” He nodded slightly towards Rosie and the three guys Mac worked with, “They're skimming I think.”

“You got it.” 

“You been skimming?”

Mac shrugged, “Not too much.”

“Just watch yourself and watch them, I'm not trying to end up in the red.”

Mac took a swig of his beer, “I know that.”

“You make me money son, lots of money and I'll make sure you have a good life.” He said, “Just keep your shit together.”

That was Walter's version of fatherly advise, “Keep your shit together.” Sometimes Mac had no doubt about why he was the way he was.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Merry Christmas Luce, did you get my gift?” He said into the phone on Christmas day, no matter what they always spoke on Christmas Day. He had been working a lot and their phone calls weren't as frequent as they had once been. Mac tried to make up for that, with the gifts. Truthfully he was glad to be busy, he was glad Walter was such a taskmaster, then he didn't have to think about things.

“You spent too much, but I love them, how did you know what color to get?” She looked over at the picture of the black and pink helmet with matching riding gloves on her bed and next to it the card and pink roses he had sent her.

“Just a hunch I guess.” He said, “I’ll just keep them here for you since you ain’t riding with anyone but me.”

They were silent a minute, the unspoken thing was there between them again. Not with anyone but me.

“Do you like the cologne? I made it.” She said finally.

“Yup got complimented on it already.”

“From your whore of the week?” Lucy teased.

“Rude” He laughed, “And  
no actually... I was talking about my mother. “ 

He and Sylvia were talking again, they had made some kind of peace and both of them hoped it would last longer than a week. The jury was still out on that one and if Mac was a betting man he would have bet against that. The odds were just bad. They talked for a few more minutes until Shelia called Lucy down for dinner, and Mac had somewhere to be anyway.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.  
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way.  
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown.  
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.”

 

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Mac and Marco had gone out with the sisters Carolina and Esmeralda one night in February, Valentine's Day. They drove out into the canyon in Mac's red truck and Marco wasted no time grabbing a blanket and heading out with Esmeralda. There were no flowers or candy for Carolina, she didn't expect it and Mac wasn't doing it.

These were the girls Lucy hung with sometimes when she was in town, Mac wondered if Lucy knew he'd fucked them both, did girls talk about that stuff? He didn't know, but he didn't want them talking about him to Lucy; had Becky been the one who told Lucy last year. He always wondered why that question came out of thin air. Maybe it was the girl that moved away recently, Bonnie, it was hard to tell, he hadn't fucked her though, she liked girls.

He tried to put it out of his mind for the moment, tried to put her out of his mind.

Mac looked at the girl in front of him, she was pretty enough and he wanted her. Carolina had been the girl he went to after the near miss with Lucy the summer before.

“Come ‘er,”He pulled her to him roughly and sat her on the hood of the truck. She smelled like cheap perfume and cigarettes as he ran his lips over her neck and nipped at her skin. Carolina played hard to get and giggled like she was a child. Oh, he hated when girls did that. She scooted and backed up resulting in Mac having to pull her by the legs back against him. They all acted like they didn't really want to fuck you as if that might make you respect them or something. 

Girls were fucking hard to figure out. They all played hard to get, then spread their legs anyway.

“Come on Carolina this ain’t our first time.”

It wasn't even their second time, or third, he had fucked her a lot that year. Mac's hands dug into her straw-like hair and he pulled her head forward till their lips met. He kissed her roughly, taking possession of her mouth and Carolina moaned as his hand slipped into her dress and went right to her breast.

“In a hurry tonight Mac?” She teased.

“Feel what you do to me?” He pressed against her and spread her legs more, she nodded vigorously as his hand slipped up her leg to her panties.

“Is that for me?” Carolina flirted.

“Oh yeah,” He grinned, closed his eyes and kissed Carolina again and for a moment in his mind, he wasn’t kissing her. His eyes shot open and he looked at her, it was Carolina, it wasn't Lucy. He made sure before he went any further, he'd almost moaned her name out loud.

“Oh L....” Fuck! “ Carolina.”

“You OK?” She asked, noting that his face was white.

“Just fine,” He pulled her underwear down and plunged his fingers inside her while Carolina pulled at his belt buckle. His skillful fingers and lips went to work until she was begging to be fucked. He disliked that about Carolina, she had no problem acting like she didn't want it, but she always did. Why couldn't a girl, any girl be honest about it, why was it always such a mind fuck to get their panties off.

He wasn't there to psychoanalyze her though, nor did he care, he was there to fuck.

Mac ripped a condom package he took from his back pocket with his teeth and slid it on his cock smoothly as Carolina watched. His eyes met hers and he grinned.

“Ready?”

“Uh huh,” She answered.

Soon he was inside of her; she pulled his face to hers and her eyes were closed so she didn’t know that he hadn’t closed his.  
The vision of Lucy was forgotten now as he pulled Carolina’s legs apart and fucked her good and hard. But he wasn’t closing his eyes again just in case, he had just mind fucked himself.

His vision of her was gone as he breathed in Carolina’s smell; not coconut and lemongrass, not by a long shot. She didn't smell sweet like Lucy.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain  
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.  
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.  
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.”

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

When they drove back and dropped the girls off Mac was in a foul mood despite getting laid. Marco lit a cigarette and took a swig of beer, while Mac drove down the dark canyon road. It had been a good night, but Mac was still being nasty and Marco was sick of his piss poor attitude. Walter had told him and Martin to keep an eye on him, make sure he wasn't indulging in too much product, but Mac didn't know that.

It was winter time, the time when he didn't try to hide his drug use, didn't try to keep it under control and Walter, who noticed everything had noticed.

Getting laid was supposed to improve a guys mood, not make it worse, Marco's mood was just fine now. The enigma that sat next to him was confounding for all of them. He possessed the ability to turn off certain parts of him, just like they all did to certain degrees, it was the only way to make it in that town, yet Mac, despite that gift was moody and angry most of the time. 

“What's your problem?”

“I ain't got no problem.” 

Oh, he had a problem alright, a five foot four 125 lb problem in California.

“Missing sweet Lucy? She your real Valentine?”

Mac stopped the truck short right in the middle of the dirt road they were on and turned to Marco with fire in his eyes. Marco was sure he was about to get hit. Anyone who mentioned Lucy usually got hit, that was just a fact.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Mac growled.

“You're a nasty motherfucker, from September to June and I finally figured it out.”

“Just shut the fuck up, alright?”

“Its true, you're not as much of a dick in the summertime and the summertime means Lucy.”

“You looking for a beat down?” Mac asked, and he was ready to give one, the vision of Lucy had fucked with his mind good and he still wasn't quite over it.

“Maybe it's time for a little recreation?” Marco shrugged, “Ya know, blow off some steam?”

“What do ya call tonight?”

“Not recreation that I prefer.”

“You know,” Mac started driving again, “You need to slow your roll, or there's gonna be cops all over this place.”

He looked over at Marco. Marco didn’t look away or back down. That was how you lived here, even if you knew you were beat, you never showed it, you never backed down.

“Too many and someone's gonna come asking questions. Are you dumb or what?”

“At least I don't want to fuck my cousin,” Marco replied under his breath and he was not sure if Mac had heard him or not. 

“Yeah like you wouldn’t lay the pipes to your sister if she’d let you, don’t blame you on that one, she’s fuckin hot.”

“Fuck you, man that’s just gross.”

“True story,” Mac replied, “ Even I would fuck your sister.”

“She wouldn’t touch your dick with someone else’s hand,” Marco said, lighting a cigarette. 

“Next time she’s home from College...”

“Shut the fuck up Mac.”

“Then you shut the fuck up or I’m gonna give your little sister a ride she won’t soon forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "Time" by Pink Floyd one of my all-time favorites.


	8. California Dreamin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy goes in a date and Mac goes on a hunt.

“All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray. I’ve been out for a walk on a winters day.”

California Dreamin by The Mamas and the Papas

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Lucy opened the door to her bedroom, her friend Carla followed her, and they threw their books on the bed. As Lucy changed out of her school uniform Carla's eyes settled on the dresser where the latest picture of Lucy and Mac from last summer was, they had been on his bike again. She sat behind him because he never let her ride alone again after she fell when they were kids, she either rode bitch or she didn't ride at all.

Carla made a beeline for the dresser like her ass was on fire, picked up the picture and openly gaped; it made Lucy's blood boil. This was nothing new but it irked her every time because she couldn't tell anyone how she felt about him. Girls here and girls in Cainville all drooled over him, sometimes right in front of her, and they had no idea what it did to her or how mad it made her.

“Holy shit Lucy, he just keeps getting better looking every year,” The girl turned to her, “Can I come with you next summer, I wanna ride that...bike.” She giggled.

No, you can't fucking come with me.

Lucy was remembering the way it felt to put her arms around him on the bike the day that picture was taken, how hard his body was; the way he shuddered just a little bit at her touch and how they both pretended it didn't happen. She wanted to tell someone that he'd almost kissed her and that she wanted him to. There was no one to tell who would understand, certainly not Carla or any of the other girls she knew here. How could she ever bring it up to anyone?

“Earth to Lucy...” Carla snapped her fingers in her face, “All I'm saying is I'd love to visit Utah.”

“I don't think so Carla, there's no place to get your nails done there,” Lucy said as she changed into jeans and a t-shirt.

“There isn't?” She said with a shock in her voice, “How can that be?”

“Oh god you're ridiculous,” Lucy rolled her eyes at this spoiled girl, “You wouldn't make it a day there.”

“Says you,” Carla answered and Lucy huffed.

“Trust me, you'd take one look at all the red canyon dirt and run for your life.”

“I think Brad likes you, Lucy, you should go for it,” Carla said trying to change the subject after Lucy called her out on being such a princess.

“Meh,” She replied, “I guess.” She shrugged.

Carla's eyes grew wide, “You guess? This is the president of the junior class we're talking about here, the tight end of the football team and trust me, it's a tight end, I've spent enough time looking at it.”

Lucy rolled her eyes, she hadn't even looked once.

“Hey,” Carla said softly, “Do you not like boys? It's totally cool if...”

“I like boys,” One boy.

“So go out with him.”

Lucy shrugged, she wasn't really into it, or him. After a while, Carla gave up on it and allowed Lucy to fix her hair and makeup in peace.

“Come on Melody is waiting, we'll miss the movie if we don't go now.” Carla reminded her and they left in Carla's sports car, Lucy calling out “Goodbye” to her mother at the door and Sheila telling her to remember her curfew.

Lucy spent the rest of the night trapped first at the movies and then at the diner later with two girls who could not understand that if she liked boys, why was Brad not on her radar. It was a fun night mostly, she liked spending time with her friends, there was a time when she didn't have many friends, but she was getting braver. She was friendly with girls in Utah in the summertime, like Mac had wanted her to do all those years ago when he ditched her to go run the streets with his friends. In a way he had forced her out of her shell, she didn't know whether to thank him or slap him for it.

Carla and Melody were fun most of the time, but damn they were on her case all night about Brad. 

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Brad was a football player that made it very clear that he wanted to take Lucy out. It seemed like he was in every class with her and he stared at her all the time. The boy seemed to appear at her locker often and in the same hallway as her too. Sometimes he walked with her to class, and they talked some, he was ok, a little boring, not overly smart. She couldn't see herself discussing books with him or music or anything really. But it was obvious to everyone that he was interested.

He was very good looking and all the girls wanted to date him, fell over themselves practically for his attention; but he had set his eyes on Lucy. She really didn't see the appeal of him at all, when she looked at him she didn't feel a thing. No butterflies in the stomach and no incessant heat all over her body like in the hallway with Mac.

That feeling had been foreign to her when it happened with Mac that day, but not unwelcome. Now she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Lucy had avoided Brad successfully for two months but finally, he won her over and she agreed to a movie date even though she had no attraction to him. It was pleasant enough, like going to the movies with a friend, even though the boy clearly wanted more. He just wasn't her type she thought to herself, that's all. Then a small voice deep inside her asked; Just what is your type, or who.

He slipped his arm around her during the movie and all she wanted to do was go home and text Mac.

Brad kissed her goodnight awkwardly almost missing her lips completely and that was just fine with her. She thought about Mac almost kissing her the past summer, it had not been awkward, it had been fire. There was no fire here, no anticipation, no desire at all.

Brad asked for another date and she agreed mostly to keep her friends satisfied; they were all dating and she wasn't and the pressure was on to have a steady boyfriend, which she definitely did not want.

She didn’t tell Mac about Brad during any of their phone calls and he didn’t tell her anything about his love life either. That subject was now, don't ask, don't tell with them. Now there were things they didn't tell each other and each sensed there was something off between them now.

When Brad put his arm around her she felt nothing, nothing like the heart-pounding desire she felt just standing in the hallway with Mac. And when Mac put his arm around her or she sat on the back of the dirt bike with him, well that was something else entirely, it was lightning.

She couldn't stop thinking about what almost happened.

After her second date, Lucy called Mac intending to tell him about Brad, about how unsuccessful it had been and ask it had been all in her head about the almost kiss or if he felt something too. She had to know for sure, no more dicking around. He didn’t answer and she looked over at the picture of them from the summer. Why did she have to feel this way? This fucked up attraction? Or was it love? With no experience to base any of it on she didn’t know. But next summer she vowed to find out for sure. She had to know why when she daydreamed it was always about him and why no other boy could measure up in her eyes.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

That night Lucy ran to the phone from the bathroom thinking it was Mac calling but when she saw Brad's number she put the phone down in disappointment and plopped down on the bed. She could kick her own ass for this, Brad was a nice guy but she just wasn't into him. And she knew you were supposed to feel something. Watching her parents wonderful marriage unfold had taught her that and she would never settle for less. If Mac was the one, there would be no getting around it. She felt so many things when she was with him, and if he was the one she wasn't letting anything keep them apart.

She reached over to the phone and tried calling him again, he was the one she really wanted to talk to, but he still didn't answer.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The good thing about having his drivers license, well, he knew there were a few good things about that, but Mac liked the fact that he didn't have to depend on his friends and their dumb ass's to the things he wanted to do. He could go out all alone, the way he preferred it, where he had total control of everything and he discovered the joys of picking up hitchhikers. And it was joyful, for him.

It was not lost on him that he was so similar to others that went before him, he had read enough about them to know this was typical. Hitchhikers were easy targets and prostitutes, usually, they were women all alone and it was so simple. Lucy had once told him he had a dark charm about him, that there was something behind his eyes that made you want to follow him anywhere and he used that.

Getting an unsuspecting girl to get into the car with him was like a game, and he enjoyed that part.

They were few and far between, most girls knew better but he had picked up two, far from home between the year he got his driver's license and the year that Lucy turned sixteen. One was brunette like Lucy and he drove her all the way to where she was going, lest she meet up with someone like him and never get there, but the other had red hair.

The redhead was never found. That girl spent three hours in hell, in the clutches of the monster with the blue eyes. He buried her broken and bloody body out in the desert where no one would ever find it and as he wiped his hands on his pants he decided this was much better than working in tandem with his friends. He was not the Leopold and Loeb type, more of a solitary madman, but he had known that all along.

 

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“California Dreamin, on such a winters day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) xoxoxox


	9. Sweet Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac sees a side of Lucy he likes but wishes he didn't.

The fire lit up the canyon and it was a perfectly clear night full of stars, the flames danced off the red rocks and illuminated the world it seemed. It was Lucy's sixteenth birthday and some older guys he knew were having a bonfire and a few beers. Her birthday was special, and he always made sure she had a good time and he always got her pink roses.

Most of the teenagers around town had parked their trucks in a circle, build the fire in the middle and sat on the tailgates or any logs they could scavenge. There was about twenty of them and Lucy was sitting where he could keep an eye on her, she knew a lot of the other kids from summers past now and she talked to a few of the girls, got a beer and went to sit down.

She was right next to the cooler talking to a kid named Harley who Mac knew that was alright, for the time being, he was free to pursue the girl of the moment. 

But he was keeping an eye on Lucy at the same time just in case; as always, so what else was new. Mac's eyes were always on her it seemed when they were out, she wasn't street smart like he was; he had explained to her that she had to stay with the group of them and not wander away. Just a few months ago the police from the next town over had been around asking questions about a missing girl. It wasn't the first time either and wouldn't be the last.

He didn't see Martin, and Stanley, sit down on either side of her and start to talk to her until it was too late. Martin had swiped his hand over the top of the beer bottle next to her when she wasn’t looking, but Mac had seen it. He knew that move, they all did.

Motherfucker!

He extricated himself from the girl, much to her dismay, and watched Lucy take a long sip from the bottle, then another. That prick Martin already had her by the hand in an attempt to get her away from the group. Oh fuck no!!

He jumped up leaving Chelsea stunned and was on his feet in a second, running to Lucy after that and knocked the bottle out of her hand.

“What the fuck Mac,” Lucy cried as the beer splashed on her clothes and face.

But he was already on Martin and pushed him into the side of one of the older kid's cars, taking a handful of his shirt.

“What did you give her, I saw you do it!” Mac growled.

“Relax man just a little X to loosen her up.”

“I'll kill you!” Mac punched him in the face and again and again, they ended up on the ground and a crowd gathered to watch, no one jumped in and no one tried to stop it. Everyone just figured Martin had it coming, he was a dick and everyone knew it. It wasn't the first time he and Mac came to blows and it wouldn't be the last either, by anyone's estimation.

When he was done he got up to look for her and saw Chelsea out of the corner of his eye; he ignored the scowl on her face and searched for Lucy. She had wandered off and he didn't find her for almost ten minutes.

When he did find her Lucy was standing by herself near a tree; she was swaying and staring up at the stars, singing to the music on the radio in the distance.

“Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream seasick, the one that makes me laugh, she said. Threw her arms around my neck. Show me how you do it and I promise you, I promise you I'll run away with you, I'll run away with you.” She sang to herself.

“Come on we’re leaving.” He hissed.

“Oh,” She smiled a lazy smile and pointed up to the sky, “But the stars, look at how beautiful they are.”

He could only imagine what she was seeing in the state she was in; this was a fucking nightmare.

“I don’t wanna go, Mac, it’s so beautiful.”

“Come on, we gotta get you some water.” He led her back to where his friends had gone back to what they were doing before, grabbed two water bottles and made her drink one completely down. Her brain would fry if she didn't, and Martin was going to die for this.

When Lucy finished her water she turned to him and reached out to his face with her fingers, “Mac, you have such pretty eyes...god they're so blue.”

“Oh fuck this shit.” He took her by the arm as a few that heard what she said snickered at them, “You’re fuckin stoned, let’s go.”

“Wait,” She put her arms around his neck and pressed her chest and hips against his, “Dance with me.”

Behind him, Chelsea was still staring at him with her hands crossed at her waist but now Marco had an arm around her, and Martin and Stanley were laughing as Lucy tried to pull him against her by the loops of his jeans. Harley, Esmerelda, and Carolina had sat down on the cooler Lucy had sat on before and had ringside seats for everything.

“You’re a fucking asshole Martin, this ain’t over,” He bellowed as he extricated himself from Lucy and led her down the path that led back home.

“Hold my hand Mac,” Lucy grabbed for his hand when they were alone, they hadn't held hands in ages, not since Lucy felt butterflies in her stomach when she was thirteen from it. It had scared her then, but now she wanted his hand in hers, “We never hold hands anymore.”

“Come on,” He continued to pull her farther away from the group, but she was shuffling slow and saying she didn't want to leave.

“I love you, Mac,” Lucy babbled, “I love you most of all, more than anyone else in the whole world.”

“Yeah, Yeah,” He huffed as he pulled her along, they had come to the party on his dirt bike but he didn't trust her to hold on in the state she was in, so they were walking home now.

“You’re my best friend, I love you so much,” She stopped walking when they were out of everyone's sight and hugged him, he could feel her breath on his neck and then her lips touched his collarbone softly. She wound her arms around his neck, and in another time he would have just gone for it. But he couldn't with her like this, not her. Her lips moved against his skin and he almost moaned out loud it felt so good. 

“Luce,” He pushed her hands away from his neck finally before something bad happened, “He gave you X, thinking he’d score...it... makes you...”

She looked at him and then up at the stars again with a big goofy grin on her face. The bright lights were moving across the sky so fast and she felt like she could touch them, she had never seen anything like it. She was with someone she loved so much, the only person she loved like that and it was a perfect night. She reached her arms up towards the sky and spun around in a circle, and she almost fell down.

“Alright, time to go,” Mac started to lead her towards home again, but she stopped dead on the path.

Then she was hugging him again and running her hands over his chest. Ecstasy took away all inhibitions and made you act upon the things you wanted, he knew that, but not this way. Whatever feelings she hid about him were coming out but he had to shut her down fast. Her hand was creeping down lower, she was going to grab his dick if he didn't stop her, he didn't want to stop her but he had to, so he placed his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her at arm's length away.

“Stop, X makes you horny, it'll pa...” She pulled him closer by his t-shirt and his chest hit hers with an oommmppphhh.

“I know... “ She grinned in the darkness and brought her lips close to his face, “And I know you want to, so kiss me, I want you to so much, it's all I can ever think about anymore.”

He stared at her for a beat, it was like the time in the hallway and this time he could kiss her like he'd wanted to. This time he wouldn't have to go out and fuck someone else to get her off his mind.

“Don’t Luce,” He whispered, even though he wanted it with every fiber of his being, and it occurred to him that he really liked this aggressive side of her, even if it was the X. She was not mind fucking him even a little bit about what she wanted.

“Mac..I need...you...I need...”She brought her hands to his shoulders, her eyes were bright and shining and he wanted her so badly, “You are so...good looking.” She said in an awestruck voice as if she never saw him before, her fingers ghosted over the mole on his left lip and her voice went down low into her throat, “That’s sooooooo fucking sexy.” 

He stared at her, it was so hard not to react, it was right there for him to take, and it wouldn't be the first time with an inebriated girl. That was not unheard of at all in their group, which was why Martin had dosed Lucy, to begin with. Some fucking birthday that was for her though, if Mac hadn't seen it and allowed himself to get occupied with Chelsea, Martin would have led her away and done god knows what; he shivered at the thought.

“You’re high as a kite Lucy,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her the rest of the way home; if any of those douche bags touched his dirt bike that he had to leave behind he was going to kick some ass. Martin was going down for this anyway, but he'd take on anybody at this point. No one was supposed to touch Lucy, they all knew that.

“No wonder all the girls are after you,” She called behind him, “You're fucking hot.”

It was a long night and she kept him up until dawn babbling about books and trying to climb on his lap, while he poured water down her throat every hour so she wouldn't die, fuck his life. They finally fell asleep on opposite ends of the couch, where their mothers found them around noon that day.


	10. Nothings Gonna Hurt You, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy sobers up and Mac goes looking for revenge.

“Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex

 

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He knew he could never bring her out with his friends again, or if he did he couldn't get distracted; they didn't seem to care what she was to him and that was a scary thought. Women disappeared in the area sometimes, and he had more than passing knowledge about it. People cooked drugs out in the caves and he knew about that too, because he was one of them. He had kept her separated from that up until now. Now it was knocking at his door and he had to keep her safe.

 

“Don’t ever turn your back on him,” Mac said to her the next day after she had sobered up as he handed her a knife to put in her purse and another to keep in her boot, “Or Stanley or Marco, none of them.”

“He really dosed me?”

“Yes, do you remember last night at all?”

She shook her head, “Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head, it would do no good to tell her she rambled all night long and tried to climb him like a tree. Or that if she wasn’t stoned he would have let her.

“Nah,” He assured her, “Just talked a lot. X does that.”

“It makes you...” She tilted her head down just a fraction, hoping he would get what she was trying to say, and he did, as usual. Unspoken words ran rampant between them like they could read each other's minds somehow.

“Yeah... I know.” He gulped.

“I didn’t?”

“No, no you were fine.” He said quickly, “But I mean it Luce, don’t ever turn your back on him and don’t ever be alone with him, he’s not a nice guy.”

“Then why are you hanging with him?”

“Ain’t a nice guy either, no one is around here.”

“You protected me last night, you are.”

“I only protect you. No one else.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” He said quickly, “Forget it.”

She knew him so well and she knew when to press him for answers and when to drop it, this was a drop it time.

“This is my fault,” Mac ran his hand through his hair, over his tired eyes then looked up at her.

“Not everything is your fault, Mac.”

“I'm older, I'm supposed to protect you.”

“You did, just like you always do.” Lucy rubbed her head, she had a screaming headache now. “It made me feel good. I remember that. “

He nodded, yeah it did, she was feeling fine and at one point she had offered to suck his dick so he figured she was feeling more than good. Last night had been the biggest test of his will and a fight to do the right thing because she didn't make it easy the way she threw herself at him.

“Did you ever take it, Mac?”

“Yeah, a few times...” He knew he was going to regret being honest with her because he knew what she was going to say next.

“I want to take it again...we could...”

Fuck no he wasn’t taking ecstasy with her! The two of them high and without inhibitions? The very thought was terrifying in the best way, both scary and exciting and he knew to stay the hell away from that.

“Lucy, no drugs! Please don’t try any drugs when you go home.”

“But...”

He placed both hands on her shoulders.

“There’s a lot of crazy people in the world, you can’t trust them.” Mac explained, like me, “You can’t just get high with anyone.”

“Except you,” She corrected, “I trust you.”

“Yeah,” He sighed but he looked down at his feet, “But I ain't getting high with you,” He didn’t trust himself with her sometimes, the night before it had taken every bit of his resolve not to take her up on her multiple offers. There were things she didn't know about him, things he couldn't tell her, beyond the fact that he did some drugs.

Mac couldn't let himself be out of control like that around her, and he promised himself he never would a long time ago. He had kept that promise for a while, but eventually, like any promise he made to her, that promise about her was broken as well.

His feelings for her were changed and had been for a long time and although she didn’t remember, it appeared hers were changed too. 

 

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Mac was still on fire and pissed as hell, later that day he left Lucy when she got in the shower and went out looking for revenge. When he couldn't find Martin at home, he didn't give up looking for him. Finally, he found him at The Luna Mesa and it was radiating off of him as soon as he walked in the door, even Walter took notice and grabbed for his bat just in case.

Trouble was brewing and Walter watched carefully as Mac found Martin in the back of the bar where he had been playing darts. He had no idea what the boy was all fired up about but it looked like it was going to go bad real quick.

Mac was on him in a second, before Martin even had a chance to react, Mac had him by the shirt and almost off the ground and his face was contorted into a mask of pure rage. The music was loud as usual, Smashing Pumpkins, which second to Nirvana was Mac's favorite, the sad grunge was his thing but he didn't even hear the words to the song, “Lovely Girl you're the beauty in my world, without you there are no reasons left to find, we must never be apart..” 

“You go near her again, I'm gonna kill you!” He poked his finger into Martin's chest, then grabbed the dart off the board and held it to his neck, “You understand?”

Martin laughed, “You won't do it.”

“The fuck I won't!” Mac growled and pulled him over to the wall and held him up against it. Martin didn't back down and he didn't take his eyes from Mac's, he would never back down, that's not how it was done in this town, even though Mac was snarling in his face and holding a dart to his neck,“They'll never find your body, you know I can do it.”

Walter stepped forward, he did not like this dissension in the ranks, these kids were his employees more or less and he knew they needed to get along and not be beating the shit out of each other every five minutes. Especially if they were sampling the merch, which he was sure they were, too much meth up their noses and someone might not just get an ass beating, someone might get killed.

He wouldn't have been adverse to any of that, workers were a dime a dozen, but these kids had families that would report them missing. The cops hadn't been around for a while and Walter wanted that to continue. Keeping ten thousand dollars worth of meth in his safe back in the office might not have been smart, but no one was the wiser. He wanted and needed it to stay nice and calm in his place and he would make sure it did.

“I wouldn't do that son,” Walter nodded towards Mac.

“Butt out old man, this motherfucker dosed Lucy last night!” Mac yelled.

Walter was out from behind the bar in a second and in Mac's face with the bat ready to strike if needed. His kid or Martin, it didn't much matter, whichever one threw the first punch would get a hit from “The Persuader”, his pet name for the bat.

“Take it out of here!” Walter yelled.

“Nope,” Mac pushed the dart against Martin's neck, this time breaking the skin, “He's gonna die for this.”

Harley had been across the room and he was next to Mac in a heartbeat along with Marco. Harley the peacemaker, who would one day become a cop attempted to diffuse the volatile situation before him.

“Come on man,” Harley said putting a hand on Mac's shoulder, “This jerk off ain't worth it.”

“Get off me Harley,” Mac pushed him away with the hand that held the dart, then brought it right back to Martin's face, this time by his right eye.

Walter cracked the bat down on the table when he had enough and both of them turned to look at him, “Next time it's gonna be your head, Mac, now let him go.”

Walter and Mac stared at each other over Martin's shoulder, and Mac knew his father would do it; Mac reluctantly let go of Martin but pushed him into the table just for effect.

“You and me ain't done!” Mac screamed as Walter pushed him away and towards the door, “I'm gonna fuck you up!”


	11. I'm on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy and Mac get themselves into an awkward situation. Look for Mac's iconic line. ;)

As they walked up the path a few days later to the lake Mac thought once again about how there was always something different about her every time she came to visit, she was changing rapidly. One year she had short crimson colored hair and the next it was long and natural, her glasses were gone now and she wore contact lenses. This year she had both long dark hair and pink streaks and she wore it well. Her body had changed, he couldn't help but notice that, and the way she dressed was different, she wore dresses and skirts sometimes now.

Mac didn't have a lot of time to spend with her like he usually did every summer, he worked a lot for Walter and he still turned wrenches at the garage. But somehow they still made time to fish a few times a week. He was gone most nights now, but when he wasn't he was still with her as usual. By now his friends and girlfriends knew if Lucy was in town, it was understood that she was getting most of his attention when he wasn't working and more than a few people questioned him why. 

People said he was fucking her, he knew that, his friends were jerk offs though and he ignored their bullshit. He just wanted to be with her, that was all. When he was with her he forgot who he was and he was happy.

“How does it feel to be eighteen,” She said and he shrugged as they walked down the street, “You're a man now.”

“And you're almost a woman,” He teased and she swatted at him with her hand, “A few more years Luce.”

“Fuck off Mac, cant you ever say something nice to me?”, She scolded, “Just once, something nice.”

“Well, where's the fun in that?” He grinned at her.

“One nice thing Mac or I'm going back home.”

He stopped in the middle of the street and turned her towards him.

“You're the prettiest girl I have ever seen.” He said dead serious, “Carina.” Beautiful.

“And you're a bad liar,” She laughed.

He wasn't lying.

That day she asked again about his work and he wouldn't tell her much, his mother didn't know either when Lucy asked her the night before. She had asked his friends, the girls around town knew nothing; everyone was tight-lipped and she planned to hunt down Walter as soon as she could and ask him too. He would know whatever shady shit Mac was up to. Hell, he was probably at the helm of all of it. 

Mac had never kept a big secret like this from her before, it was unnerving to her, uncomfortable. To Lucy that meant one thing, he was up to no good, dealing and cooking drugs most likely, because there wasn't much else a person could do in this town. Carolina had told her that it was Walter's operation and if that was true, Lucy knew Mac would be knee deep in all of it.

She would find out if it was the last thing she did, Lucy could be tenacious when she wanted to be, a fact that Mac was well aware of.

The sun was high and hot as they walked towards the lake to fish, they had done it a hundred times probably, it was one of the things she couldn't do in LA so he made sure to take her often. Side by side they stood at the overlook by the path that led down to the lake that was crystal blue and she was bitching at him, again.

“I can't tell you, Lucy, so stop asking me OK?”

“What kind of job makes you keep it a secret, you never keep secrets from me, I don't like it,” 

“Look I just can't talk about it, alright, stop being a pest.” He growled.

“You've changed,” She said louder than necessary, “I don't even know who you are anymore.”

“Cut the drama Lucy, it's us,” He stopped her as they got to the path down to the lake, “I ain't falling for your shit.” This time.

“Once again Mac, you're forgetting I'm not one of your dirtbag friends, I'm a girl, this is what we do.”

“You're a fucking nag is what ya are, and I didn't forget you're a girl, believe me.” He stared at her then, he knew very well that she was a girl, he knew very well that she was female, unfortunately for him.

“You need someone to nag you or you'll get yourself into bad shit and you know it.” Lucy pestered.

She turned to stalk off in a dramatic huff to make her point and the ground under her feet gave way, she was sliding down the ravine before Mac knew what happened.

“Oh goddammit, Lucy!” He groaned and stepped off the ledge to go rescue her., he slid down just as she had, a second behind her.

Lucy landed on her back in the mud of the base of the lake, and it soaked her clothes through. She lay there like a dead slug erupting in laughter and then he landed right between her legs face first.

That just made her laugh more.

“It's not funny,” He growled as he tried to get off of her, he had to get off her fast, but he kept slipping in the mud and back on top of her. She kept laughing as he struggled and delighted in how flustered he was.

He'd never been that close to her, not since they were little kids and it felt... so good, his dick was awake and getting hard, goddammit. It was a fucking nightmare. 

Then she was looking at him, and her face was all wet and muddy, he watched water drip down over her cheek and down her neck. He imagined briefly following that drop with his mouth and licking her neck. She was so beautiful, and he had meant what he said earlier.

Mac thought she would shove him off of her but she didn't and he couldn't stop looking at her, it was another frozen moment in time and neither of them moved. 

Lucy sighed at the feel of his weight on top of her, it was pure bliss and the look in his eyes was dark but so inviting. It made her heart skitter across her chest and she had to do something before she tore his clothes off.

“It is so fucking funny,” She laughed and swiped some mud across his face.

“Really?” He asked and she nodded, then she did it again, this time with much more mud, “Are you fucking crazy?”

Lucy just smiled, nodded and laughed again.

“Oh, yeah, Oh yeah?” He slid his hand over her stomach and started to tickle her as retaliation but soon his hands were on hers and he'd pinned her arms over her head. He had intended just to tickle her again but it was like slow motion when he came eye to eye with her. Mac stared down at her and even though they were drenched the fire inside of him over her that he'd tried so hard to put out was burning bright and was unquenchable.

 

“Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

 

Then she moved against him, still staring into his eyes and it felt so fucking good. Lucy could feel him hard against her leg and she parted her lips with a sigh. Her hands crept up over his back, her fingers dancing over his shirt and his eyes darted from hers all around her face, finally settling on her lips.

Before he knew what he was doing he was leaning down and kissing her nice and soft, and it was sweet until he realized just what he was doing.

“I'm...I...shit... I just wanted to know what it felt like.” He stammered, not believing he had actually done it, and that was true he'd wanted to know what her lips tasted like for a long time, but he had never acted on it, it wasn't right.

Then Lucy met his eyes, “Do it again.” She said and closed her eyes softly and he was mesmerized by her eyelashes, they were so long and dark. He kissed her again softly, then looked down at her and she looked disappointed. She brought her hands to the side of his neck and raised an eyebrow at him.

He leaned back down and touched his lips to hers again, this time he kissed her the way he wanted to, he filled her mouth up with his tongue and moaned like a bitch at how good it felt; and he knew if her mother found out he’d never see her again.

“We can’t tell anyone,” He whispered to her later as they still lay in the mud, both of them saturated but oblivious to it by now. He ran his hands over her face and pushed her wet hair aside.

“I know,” She replied softly as if anyone was around to hear them and he kissed her again. As he slid his tongue along the seam of her lips until she granted him access again, one thought was primary in his mind; It was her, it had always been her.

 

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Mac took Lucy's hand as they looked up at the stars and it felt so good to feel her touch like that again, she calmed him and he didn't feel so lost when she was around. He had missed being physically close to her, it had been years since they had been able to touch each other, both of them had been afraid of the feelings touching caused.

They had snuck blankets and pillows out of the house and laid them out in the bed of his truck to be comfortable; she was leaving soon and this would be one of the last nights they would have together. 

This wasn't the first time they had done this, before he drove they would walk out there in the canyon to lay down and watch the stars. They had some of their best talks out there at night when it was as quiet as the grave. He came out here a lot alone too, he contemplated life there, and he liked the feeling of the sky above him, clear and bright when nothing else in the world was.

The desert sky was vast, with so many stars visible in the sky and Lucy loved nights like this most, she was from LA and the smog prevented stars from being this visible. It was one of the many things she loved about Utah.

It was a perfect night, it was warm and with a nice breeze and he'd put on an old Bruce Springsteen CD on that the former owner left in the glove box. Bruce was singing about being on fire as they held hands and talked, every once in a while he would pull her hand over and kiss it.

“They're so bright tonight,” She said as she lay her head down next to his, “So beautiful.”

“I wish you weren't going so soon,” Mac said as he rubbed his fingers over her knuckles, it was just like any other of a hundred nights, probably that they had done this since they started sneaking out of the house as kids. But it was different too, three weeks ago he had kissed her and then kissed her a lot since then. Just like in his dreams, and he could touch her now without feeling like he'd touched a burning stove and had to pull his hand away.

It was both a relief and torture, like his dreams of her had been.

At first, the dreams of her scared him, then made him ashamed and then he welcomed them, closing his eyes for the night became the best part of his day. Especially in the long months when she went back to LA, every year they didn't see each other for ten months. It wouldn't be longer this time, but it would feel longer.

“Me too,” She sighed, “Maybe one day I'll just move here.”

As much as he would have loved that one day, it could never happen. He had things to do that he didn't want her around for and it wasn't safe either. This was no place for her, she needed to go to college, get that chemistry degree and start her own perfume business.

“I dunno Luce, why would ya wanna be here?”

“For you,” She answered without hesitation and squeezed his hand, “I feel like we don't see each other so much anymore.”

“I'm sorry I've been busy,” He said.

“I understand, we're growing up, of course, you would get a job, but it seems shady to me.”

“Ain't everything around here?” He said, not answering her really, turning her over on her stomach and running his hand over her back under her shirt to change the subject; he knew she wasn't stupid and he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret forever from her. It had been almost four years and she knew more than he thought, but she was dropping it again, for now.

Lucy sighed loudly, the pleasure she felt was obvious, “We haven't rubbed backs in a long time.”

He leaned down to her ear and whispered darkly, “That's cause it started making me get hard when I was eleven,” He ran his hands over her sides and up to her neck, then kissed her there. She felt a chill roll up from the base of her spine all the way to the roots of her hair at the sound of his voice that way. “I got a band desire...” He whispered into her ear along with the song.

Lucy tried to turn over to him but he kept her on her stomach with his hand firm on her back as he ran it over her skin. It was all she could do not to purr like a cat.

“Don't move,” He bent down and ran his teeth over her bare shoulder, followed by his hands and watched goosebumps erupt all over her skin, “It's alright, I got you.”

She groaned as she felt his lips on the back of her neck and traveling to her ear too slowly; it made her shiver. “You're making me love you, Mac.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know I poached his line and gave it to Lucy, I just think it's cool that maybe she said it to him first and he remembered it. Then maybe he said it years later in the canon movie universe because she was on his mind still. Told ya I'm a nut. This is pre-canon to the movie, so in my twisted mind, the events of this story are why he became who he became in the movie. Thank you so much for reading, I love you all.


	12. I Wanna Do Bad Things To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When you came in the air went out  
> And all those shadows there filled up with doubt.  
> I don't know who you think you are.  
> But before the night is through,  
> I wanna do bad things with you,  
> I wanna do real bad things with you,"
> 
> Bad Things by Jace Everett

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is overly long and smutty. Sorry, I left Y'all hanging this morning, :) Enjoy.

“Don't you already love me?” He breathed hot air into her ear and ran his tongue over her earlobe.

“No, I mean like that, like this, I love you this way.”

“We're fucked up Lucy, you know that right,” He sucked lightly on her neck careful not to leave a mark. Both their mothers would have a fucking stroke if they knew about this shit.

She tried again to turn over and he stopped her, “The heart wants what the heart wants Mac, what are we supposed to do? Besides in a lot of states its legal, this one is one of them.”

“You looked it up?” He laughed at that thought; she had been thinking about it, and that made him smile. He continued running his hands lightly over her back and Lucy groaned again.

“Yes, a year or so ago.” She answered, “You could move to LA with me?”

“Ah,” He decided to broach the subject carefully with her, “You know I do illegal stuff, right?”

She nodded; she actually knew more than she was willing to let on.

“It's not something I want to involve you in,” He shrugged, “I don't even feel bad about what I do, and I don't know any other way, I don't even know if I can change.”

“I know.” She turned her head and looked him in the eyes, she did love his steel blue eyes, “I know you do what you have to do to survive here, but think about it. No one would know us at all, we could go anywhere.”

“I'm the bad guy Lucy,”

“I don't care...I want...”

“What do you want? Do you even know?” He pressed his dick into the back of her thigh, maybe to scare her and she moaned; she had moaned and it undid him. Finally, he relented and turned her over so that he was between her legs, and it had been a long time coming. He looked down at her in the moonlight and propped his head on his bent arm,”Tell me what you want Lucy.”

Lucy shook her head, “I want...more.”

“More, Carina?,” He ran his lips over her neck, leaving a wet trail as he went, sucked and left a dark purple mark behind her hair where no one would see it, “You want more?”

She nodded looking up at him with clear eyes and a clear mind as he lifted her shirt up. He gazed down at her, she was truly beautiful to him, and the only girl he really wanted. All the others were just to get off, to fill a need when she was gone, he had come to that conclusion a long time ago. It had to be so, he was so different with her, even he could see that.

“You got nice tits, Lucy, been meaning to tell you that for a while,” He grinned and remembered his vow to himself not to look at her, even then he knew it was an empty promise. 

Mac grinned down at her and ran his hand over her right breast, she hadn't bothered to put on a bra, and it wasn't the first time. Usually when she did that he'd end up jerking off in his room thinking about it afterward, and he smiled; not this time, then brought his lips down to the side of her breast and kissed her there, “I can't wait to stick my face in between them.”

“And here I thought you were an ass man,” She sighed as his palm made circles over her nipple and then his lips were there and she cried out, squirming under him, “Oh fuck, Ohhhh fuck.”

“Like it?” He flicked his tongue against her right nipple until it was hard, then sucked it entirely into his mouth, watching closely for her reaction.

“Yes,” She gasped out, arching her back and flinging her arms back as if she was levitating off the bed of the truck. It was so good...

“Want more?” He asked with a smile against her skin and another kiss to the side of her breast, “Or do you want me to stop?”

“Don't you fucking stop goddammit,” She dug her hand into his hair and pulled hard.

“Oh fuck that feels good,” He moaned and she pulled again, this time a little harder, and he moaned again. Mac licked a trail from the side of her breast to her nipple, blew hot air across it, then watched her again. He wanted to know what she liked and didn't like, he wanted to make the world spin in front of her eyes that night.

Lucy gulped and let out a long sigh that was like music to his ears, “More, more, please! Oh my God!”

“Glad I went out and got some experience?” He dipped his hand down into her shorts, running his fingers over the seem of her damp panties, then back out again just as fast making her whine with need.

“Yes...”

She was so responsive to him, the years of denying this seemed ridiculous now, they both wanted it desperately and had for a long time. He'd hardly touched her and she was soaked and his dick was straining against his jeans hard and leaking, it was overwhelming physically and emotionally to him. Probably for her too he imagined and reminded himself to go slow, he had to go slow with her. She wasn't like other girls.

“Please,” She panted, feeling as if she was going to come unglued at any moment, every time he touched her she felt the burning lust between her legs she had only ever heard of before second hand. Most of her friends had done this with boys and some with each other, but she didn't want to, and never had, even before Mac told her not to. She had been saving it all for someone special, for him.

“More?”

“Yes,” She moaned and arched her back again as he swirled his tongue around her nipple and brought his fingers to the other one now, “Oh God.” She could feel it everywhere and when he stopped she felt longing, unlike anything she had ever felt before.

“You taste so sweet Lucy, just like I imagined.” He kissed the side of her breast and ran his tongue over her skin with a low growl.

Forbidden fruit always tasted sweeter, he had heard that saying and he thought of that as he pulled her shorts down. She lifted her hips to help him, kicked them to the bottom of the truck bed and leaned up on her elbows.

“This is it huh?” She grinned and he shook his head.

“I ain't fucking you tonight, I'm gonna, but not tonight.” She opened her mouth to argue with him, but then he brought his lips down to her stomach with open-mouthed wet kisses that were making her lose her mind. “Don't worry there's lots of stuff we can do,” His voice was filled with dark promises that took her breath away as his lips made their way over her skin. She lost all will to fight him on it, especially when he talked that way, if he wanted to be in charge of it all she'd let him, as long as he didn't stop what he was doing, “I'm gonna make you feel so good.”

This was what everyone was talking about, she thought, what all her friends are so excited about, now she understood.

Lucy looked down at him and he met her eyes as he licked his way up her stomach and across her chest. He kissed her again, shoving his tongue into her mouth like he owned her, he did now, and they both knew it. The more he touched her the harder she gripped the blanket they were laying on pulling it up into her fists as her legs moved involuntarily while he went further south.

“Soon?” She panted, Lucy made no effort to hide what she wanted, he liked that about her; no mind fucking.

“Soon,” He murmured and set her feet flat on the bed of the truck, “Open your legs Lucy, let me see you,” She did as he told her, letting her knees drop to the sides, spread her legs wide and Mac gazed at the most forbidden thing in his world, “Soon, I promise,” He pushed his hair over his forehead and out of his face then looked down at her, “Christ that's nice.”

“ It better be soon, I've spent way too much time thinking about your dick.” Lucy gasped as his hands brushed against her thighs, and his thumbs traveled over her slippery flesh, tentatively at first.

“See, I knew you were,” He laughed.

“Fuck off!” She laughed, then, “Oh fuck!” When she felt his fingers sliding over her pussy, nice and slow.

“So wet for me; you'll be the death of me Lucy,” He sighed loudly, “ I've known it all along since you busted on into my life when I was two.”

She laughed at that and ran her hands through his hair and pulled again, “Maybe you'll be the death of me?”

“Doubt it,” He brushed his cheek against her thigh, letting the scruff of his face scratch her and she moaned again, “You were supposed to be a boy, the doctor said so, but you were an asshole even then.”

Then he licked her hard, held his hands on either of her thighs and pushed his tongue inside of her, smiling against her when she moaned out “Oh God,” and her legs shook. Mac opened his mouth wider to drink from her, then traveled higher where he knew she needed him to be.

“ Mmmmmmmmm Delicious,” He moaned against her clit and the vibration made all the stars above her head move in the sky. She pushed against his face trying to get to something she didn't even know and he would take her there she was sure. He hands were still gripping his hair and holding him in place as he slid his tongue all over her pussy like it was his job and she couldn't hold back the moans and trembling that came.

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” She cried out, “Oh my god you're the devil.”

Mac looked up at her with a smirk, “You just figuring that out.” Then he was right back down between her legs, where he'd wanted to be for as long as he could remember, “I want you to watch Lucy, watch me.”

Lucy did as she was told, sat up against the back of the cab and watched as he opened his mouth, slid his tongue along her lips and groaned loudly. The sounds he made while he was doing this to her were animalistic, and the way his hands gripped her thighs made this so much more than just a physical event for her.

She reached down and ran her hands through his hair as he spread her wider, he looked up at her once with hooded love drunk eyes then brought his fingers into the mix. He fingered her slowly, swirling his thumb around her clit again, never stopping his tongue and lips sucking and licking her. Now she had died and gone to heaven, it was too much and not enough all at the same time.

Mac was careful with her because he knew she was a virgin and there weren't many of those these days, Lucy was the only one he personally knew. He loved her and didn't want to hurt her either, but his desire for her was unmatched. He wanted all of her, every bit and he wanted to possess her, to keep her for his very own, for the rest of his days.

Her legs shook as she watched him and her belly was burning from the feel of his fingers going in and out her, and the feel of his tongue. She had never been with anyone this way and the soft wave of his tongue over her skin was almost too much to bear; her eyes clamped shut and she gasped for air as if she was drowning.

“You OK?” He asked as he circled her clit with his thumb again, followed by the soft sucking of his lips, keeping his fingers moving in and out of her in a steady rhythm. He could feel her starting to twitch around his fingers and she was breathing so heavy; it occurred to him then that she had never even touched herself.

“Oh, fuck yes,” She moaned and slid down against the cab until she was flat on her back and slammed her hands down on the metal bed three times in succession, “Fuck yes, oh my god!.”

“This your first time?” He looked up at her again, a little shocked.

Lucy let out a soft grunt, “Yeah,” begging him not to stop, “Please don't stop, please don't stop.”

“You never got yourself off before?” He still couldn't believe it.

“No, never,” She shook her head in frustration because he had stopped what he was doing, it was sweet torture and she wanted more, “Please, please don't stop.”

“Oh, fuck me,” He groaned and went back to what he was doing until she screamed out into the night.

 

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	13. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac learns a few things about Lucy he wasn't expecting.  
> We are almost out of the teen years, just a little drama and they're going to grow up :)  
> Also, there’s a part that I want you all to just think about for a minute. I wrote myself into a corner and had to punt, hope you get a kick out of it. It made me laugh. I hope you will too. You’ll know when you get to it. As always. Thank you for reading and commenting. :) xoxoxoxo Krissy

“I'm so happy, 'cause today I've found my friends.  
They're in my head.  
I'm so ugly, that's okay, 'cause so are you.  
We've broke our mirrors,  
Sunday morning is every day for all I care.  
And I'm not scared,  
Light my candles, in a daze, 'cause I've found God.”

Lithium by Nirvana

 

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It took her over five minutes to recover, her body shook uncontrollably and she couldn't stop looking at him; her skin still burned every place that he had touched her. Lucy could still feel his hands all over her and when she looked at him her cheeks burned. He'd made her cum until she was breathless and spent, shivering in aftershocks long after he stopped.

Mac lay there on her legs the entire time with his head on her belly, running his hands all over her softly and murmuring sweet words to her. Lucy was still coming down off the high and thinking as she ran her hands through his hair; this was what everyone had been talking about, and she had waited till she was older than most. It was the most amazing feeling she had ever felt, not just physical either, it was more, and she had always wanted it to be him, even if she didn't admit it to herself. Finally, he sat up and she looked into his eyes, he was what she had waited for, only him.

“That was so, just so... Oh my god,” She said softly.

Mac gave her a satisfied grin, leaned on the cab of the truck next to her and wiped his face off with the back of his hand, “Fuck yeah,” He lit a cigarette and passed it to her as she reached for him and brought her hand up over his thigh. He just gotten his dick under control laying there with her until she calmed down and here she was touching him, she was going to be the death of him indeed.

“Mac, I can...”

“Shhh, we got lots of time tonight, they don't even know we're out here.” He took a drag on the cigarette, “No rushing.”

Lucy reached for her shorts and underwear then if he wasn't looking for more right now, and Mac swiped her panties out of her hand. She looked over at him and narrowed her eyes playfully.

“Really? You're that guy?”

“Nah,” He shoved them in his pocket, “I just want them.”

“That your thing, collecting panties? Souvenirs?”

“Nope, just these.” He said matter of factly.

She quirked her eyebrow at him, “Don't let Syl find them under your pillow or anything you fucking perv.”

“Speak for yourself, I heard no complaints when I was going down on you just now.” He said with a grin and handed the cigarette to her, which she took gratefully.

 

/////////

 

“I’m not telling anyone, don't worry,” She said as they smoked in the darkness, still looking up at the sky, “Are you?”

“Fuck no,” He laughed at that idea, who the fuck could he tell this to, “Although this state is full of inbreeding so I don’t know what the big deal is, look at those nuts down in Colorado City.”

“That’s polygamy Mac,” Lucy laughed, “It’s different.”

“And you don’t think sisters and brothers ain’t fucking in that bunch?” He laughed again, “At least we’re only cousins. But excuse the fuck out of me for confusing polygamy with incest.” He laughed.

“Your mother will have a stroke.”

“Well, I ain’t gonna tell her, or Walter or your mother, who would stab me right in the heart don't ya think?” And Lucy nodded, “I ain't telling any of them,” He continued, “Although you know people say that about you and me anyway, don't you?”

“Well, now it's true, right? Welcome to the shit show eh?”

“Yup,” If his life wasn't a shit show before, it was sure to be one now, and for once he didn't care all that much.

“I can’t help the way I feel, I want it to be you.”

“Then keep your legs closed when you go back to LA, yeah?”

“What about right now?”

“Nope,” He took a long drag off the cigarette.

“Why?”

“A lot of reasons, you're too young and I'm not trying to go to jail and more important, no condoms.”

“Not trying to get your cousin pregnant then,” She laughed.

“You're not funny,”

“Tell me how funny you think I am now,” She said with a grin and lifted his shirt, then brought her lips to the top of his belt buckle and kissed him there while her hand ran over the sizable bulge in his pants.

“Jesus Luce,” He muttered as she unbuckled his pants and pulled them down like she had done it a million times; then her lips were on his chest. Slowly she straddled him and pressed herself against his cock still confined in his boxers and they both moaned. His hands went to her hips and he sighed out the word “Carina” as he felt her hands travel through his hair and down his chest and finally over his throbbing cock.

“You sure you ain't never done this stuff before?”

She grinned and brought her lips to his and whispered, “Only in my dreams.” He could feel her hot breath against his lips and she kissed him again. She repeated what he had done to her, licking and nibbling her way down his neck and over his chest until his breathing was ragged.

Lucy was pushing all his buttons and he was immediately pissed about that, not too pissed to make her stop though. There was no way she hadn't done it before, it was too good. The way she touched him was of someone who was unafraid when she finally freed him from the boxers and grasped his dick he was already ready to explode. She moved her hand over him perfectly and he could feel it building in him like a pot on a stove ready to boil over.

It was a perfect metaphor for how he was feeling at the moment and for their whole lives; the pot was boiling over, finally. 

Then she looked into his eyes and kissed him dirty, biting and sucking on his lower lip until he was sure he was going to cum right in her hand. When she finally brought her mouth back down and sucked on his stomach the way he had done with her his eyes were rolling back into his head. Then he felt her lips on him, and the pleasure was so intense his head banged back against the truck. She didn't stop, but she did look up at him as she licked him from base to tip, making sure to give him a show. That just about made him blow his load.

“Fuck,” He dug his hand into her hair and watched as she took him into her mouth and sucked softly. He knew he wasn't going to last and he didn't even try as her small hand cupped his balls and her hot, wet mouth drove him to the brink of insanity, “Lucy you better stop, I'm gonna...” He groaned.

But she didn't stop, goddam her and god bless her. Mac bucked his hips and tried to think of something to make this last but it was no use, he couldn't stop it. He dug his hands into her hair and within a few minutes he was unloading down her throat with a scream so primal it shocked him.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” Mac said as he pulled her up to him after he recovered this time and wrapped his arm around her.  
“Porn.” She replied with a laugh.

“Porn? No, you fucking did not watch Porn.”

“No,” She laughed, “I read it.”

“What?”

“Ever hear of Fanfiction?”

“No,” He grunted, “What the fuck is that?”

So she explained and he laughed his ass off; this was the girl he discussed Nietzsche, Solzhenitsyn, Salinger, Dickens and Maya Angelou with and she just revealed a dirty secret. A dirty secret that he liked, a lot.

“You want me to believe you learned how to suck dick from reading smut?”

She nodded, “Scouts honor.”

“You ain’t no Girl Scout.”

“I swear to God Mac, on my fathers....”

He knew she would never bring her father into this like that if she was going to lie. He believed her, she wasn't the liar in this relationship, he was. Lucy would never fuck around about her fathers grave, if she said she learned from reading about Buffy and Spike fucking then he believed her.

“Stop. I believe you.” Then he grinned and his eyes shined bright, “You can read some to me sometime, hm?.”

“Sure,” She said as her face reddened.

“As long as no guy taught you.”

She shook her head, “I swear Mac, there's never been anyone but you.” That was the best thing she could have said, if he wanted a whore he knew where to find one, Lucy was not that.

“And there never will be.” He said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, If Lucy was so inexperienced and innocent just how was she going to suck dick like she knew what she was doing? That was my problem for this chapter cause Mac ain't got time for that LOL. Also no dis to polygamists, you do you people. :) xoxox Thanks for reading xo


	14. The Long Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy have a talk.

He was gone for two days and Lucy was pissed; she was going home in four days and time was precious, at least to her it was. Sure that Mac was out fucking some whore because he felt some kind of fucked up guilt about her she went looking for him on the second day. He would be easy to find, that red piece of shit he drove stuck out like a sore thumb wherever he went, but she couldn't find him in town.

She couldn't find him and his phone was off and now she had no choice but to track down Walter. Pulling on her hiking boots she cursed him again and cursed herself for letting this happen. All their lives it had been her following after him begging for attention and she could see how that wasn't going to change. She didn't like that feeling now, it was all changed between them, he could hurt her so easily.

Lucy busted into Walter's place and as usual, Walter was behind the bar serving the few customers that hung around in the daytime. His eyes went to his niece and he nodded to her, signaling her to step to the end of the bar away from the customers. She was way underage to be in there and Walter wasn't trying to get the cops called again. When she got to the end of the bar he enveloped her in a warm hug, he had a place in his heart for this fatherless girl, always had. For the life of him Walter couldn't figure out why she followed his son around all her life, but it was what it was and Lucy helped keep Mac under control, even if she didn't know it.

Walter knew the signs, his own sister had been bipolar and had self medicated when she had to with alcohol and drugs. He suspected there was some kind of mental issue with his son, but what, he didn't know. The boy was lucky to have someone like her, who clearly adored him, faults and all. He gave her a sweet gleeful smile that lit up his eyes and leaned on the bar.

“What's going on, Pequeñita?” Little one; he had called her that all her life.

“Looking for your jerk son.”

“Me too,” Walter raised his eyebrows, “When you find him let him know I need him.”

“Is he out in the caves fucking off you think?” She asked, “I'm heading there next.”

“No!” Walter stepped forward and touched her shoulder, “No!, I'll go, you don't go there Lucy, you hear me?”

“But you have customers...”

“I'll go out there once Rosie gets here, she's due in at two, OK?” He told her, “Stay out of the caves alone, it's no place for you Lucy.”

She nodded with understanding, Mac had told her the same thing, more than one time, even if she carried the boot knife all the time, he said stay away, unless he and only he was with her. 

“When you see him tell him I said ¡vete a la chingada! ” Fuck off.

Walter smiled and walked back to the bar, “Will do Pequeñita,” He grinned, “Will do.”

 

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Mac showed up that night after getting an ass reaming from Walter when he got there at two fifteen and found him and his friends wasted on his product. There weren't any girls there, but there had been, whether they had been willing or not willing Walter didn't care, but he cared that they were smoking up the profits.

Mac used to be so much better about that, trustworthy, but in the past year or so Walter had noticed he was using more than usual, except when she was around and that was very interesting. The summertime was when he got the best work out of him, he only smoked pot then, drank some, no big deal, and he stayed calm, not all tweaked out like in the winter time. Right or wrong, Lucy kept him off the harder stuff and she didn't even know it. But she was leaving soon and it was clear his son was preparing himself for her absence again.

 

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Lucy lit into him the minute he walked into the house before Mac even got his boots off. Once they were off she followed him down the hall and into the bathroom, bitching the whole way. Both of their mothers were out that night at bingo and it was a good thing because she was looking for a fight. Mac had been dreading her departure, and one hit turned into a three day bender with three girls from town, but he couldn't tell her that.

“Trying to get a look at my cock again?” He teased and brought his hands to his buckle to undo it in an attempt to diffuse her anger, and it worked. Her eyes followed his hands and the sound it made stirred her, but she forced herself not to react.

She put her hands on her hips, “I've seen it.”

“Up close.” He grinned at her and quirked his eyebrow as he stripped out of his clothes. She tried to ignore the fact that he just shucked his clothes off in front of her like it was nothing. It was hard to ignore, he was hard to ignore.

“I'm leaving in four days did you forget?”

“No, I didn't forget,” He stepped into the shower, “I work tomorrow, then just you and me, I got ya something, you'll like it I promise,” He reached for the curtain and grinned at her, “Join me?”

She crossed her arms over her waist and rolled her eyes, “I'll pass.”

“Alright, your loss.” He laughed and brought the curtain back across the bathtub and laughed some more as she stalked out of the bathroom. She wasn't mad anymore though, he could tell, she would have smacked him if she was still mad.

 

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“You're looking so good Lucy.” He whispered the next night as she walked into the dark room. After a minute he got up from the kitchen table where he had been sitting drinking a beer and started to walk towards her. It was late, he had been working and Lucy had waited up for him.

“And you’re welcome to look, Mac,” Lucy replied as she walked towards him with a smile and a book in her hand. She had on a sleep shirt and shorts, and made no effort to hide herself from him; she had stopped wearing a robe in the beginning of the summer. Going braless had been on purpose too, she could get away with it and it helped stir the pot. 

Mac thought she was this innocent flower, untouchable and she made a concentrated effort that summer to prove to him it wasn't so. It was manipulation, she knew that, but she wanted what she wanted.

“Our mothers used to put us in the bathtub together when we were kids, I’ve looked plenty. “ He grinned down at her, that grin that was just for her, and she couldn’t help the way he made her feel. Her body was on fire all the time when she was with him and summer was over now, she had to leave.

“We were babies, you psycho.” She laughed, and smiled up at him, he was a good foot taller than her now.

“All the same. I ain’t opposed to it now.” Mac continued as he raised his hands over Lucy’s head, splaying them on the wall above her and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Lucy looked up at him, god, he was so fucking sexy.

“Will you call me and text?” She asked.

“Don't I always?” He kissed her neck softly, one, two three times, ran his nose over her skin and breathed in her scent.

“I'll miss you.”

“I'll miss you too,” He whispered, “You're the only one I love.”

Lucy considered his words as they lingered in the air between them. She knew him well enough to know he was trying to tell her something, something important. Something that maybe he didn't want to tell her but felt like he had to. Something she was sure she didn't want to hear.

“What?” He asked when her eyes narrowed slightly and she crossed her arms at her waist.

“You're trying to tell me something aren't you?”

He shrugged, but he knew he was busted.

“That your way of letting me know you're gonna be fucking other girls?”

His teeth raked over his bottom lip as he looked down at his feet for the answer to that question, and finally, he nodded and so did she, “It wouldn’t look good if I suddenly changed.”

“How convenient for you.”

“Come on, Carina don’t be that way.” Mac said, “This ain't something we can flaunt all over this town.”

“Fine,” She replied with a slight hiss of jealousy, “Make sure you dump whatever skank you're boning every June.”

“Deal.” That had been easier than he thought, but he didn't want to lie about it to her. He knew himself well enough that he couldn't go without for ten months. He also really didn't want anyone knowing about them, that was looking for all kinds of trouble.

“It would be better if we weren’t tied down to each other all year anyway, this can be just for the summers.” She changed tactic and acted like she didn't care, like maybe she would do the same thing, and as she expected he wasn't happy, “There's this guy who likes me back home... he drives a mustang,” Adding the detail about his car and the assumption to be made that he had money was not Lucy's style at all. She had never cared for those things before, but she said it just the same.

“So,” He murmured and raised his eyebrows at her, “Some LA hood rat is lookin good to you?”

“He's a football player...”

Then his face changed and he gripped her sleep shirt and pulled her closer to him. He wasn't rough, but he wasn't exactly gentle either; just enough to let her know how it was going to be.

“Try it and see what happens.” He growled, bringing his face to hers.

“You don't scare me, Mac.” She met his eyes, she knew how he could be sometimes and she knew how to handle him.

“Don’t you fuck anyone Lucy,” Mac warned and his voice actually scared her a little now, he was snarling, like if she disobeyed there would be consequences.

“No,” She replied quickly, it had backfired on her and brought out something in him she hadn't liked. “I won’t.”

“You belong to me,” He said, “You're mine, you're the only one I love.”

“I was always yours to have and you were always mine.” She murmured the words to the poem they had read together years ago and he remembered it. He smiled at her then, and let go of her shirt; Lucy kissed him softly then whispered, “I have always loved you more.”


	15. The Pusher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy spend a last night under the stars.

“Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, as long as you're with me you'll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you, baby, nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby by Cigarettes After Sex

 

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“Brought ya something,” Mac held the two pills in his hand out on her last night there, “One for you and one for me, but I’m telling you now. You can beg all you want but ...”

“I know. I know you don't believe in the Romeo and Juliette Law.” She sighed, “ You really think I’d beg for it?”

“All the ladies do Luce,” He winked, “Now promise, no drugs at home.”

“I promise.”

He put his pinky finger up and she joined it with hers, they used to do this when they were kids.

“And no fucking.”

“What are we five?” She laughed and the smile on her face made it look like she was glowing to him.

“Yeah, now say it.”

“I'm not gonna try and fuck you.” She replied with a smirk. Oh, but she was going to.

“Very funny wasn't me I was talking about.” Mac said, “Now say it.”

“No fucking,” She met his eyes and made the promise, again.

“Come on, let’s go outside,” He took her by the hand.

“Where did you get it anyway?”

“I got sources,” He answered, but it was a mute point, they both knew about his sources.

 

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He wasn’t driving if he was getting high, not with Lucy in the truck anyway, so they laid a blanket down at the far edge of his yard away from where the mothers could see. There was a shed out there and they went on the other side of it where it was private. He brought water bottles out with them intending to spend their last night together out under the cool desert sky.

Soon they were staring up at the stars hand in hand and both of them were feeling it, the euphoria that made you want to spill your guts and fuck your brains out. There was no way he'd be able to hold anything back from her now, he already wanted to babble out all kinds of things to her. This was a bad idea, he knew it from the jump, yet here they were.

“I’m in love with you Lucy, I really am,” He sighed, already the drug was making him talk, “Have been for a long time.”

“I know,” She squeezed his hand, “I feel the same way,” She rolled over to face him, “Isn't it wonderful?”

Then her hands were all over him, and he felt so good to her, his body was so hard and strong. His eyes so deep blue she wanted to be lost in them forever.

“Oh Mac, I can really touch you anytime I want?” She wrapped her arms around his neck and he nodded his head with a goofy smile on his face.

“Well, not anytime, you know that right?” And she nodded, “But a lot ok?,” He grinned, “And I'm gonna touch you too, I've wanted to touch you for so long.” He snaked his hand up under her shirt and ran his fingers over her stomach.

“How long?” She asked.

“Seems like forever,” He replied softly, bringing his fingers over her hip.

“Gonna take me up on that blowjob now?” Lucy laughed.

“Thought you didn’t remember that?” He said with a shocked expression on his face, she had said she didn't remember propositioning him the last time she was on Ecstasy when Martin had dosed her.

She laughed harder, “I lied.” and then they were both laughing, that everything is funny laugh of the wasted.

“Do you really love me?” He turned his head to look into her eyes and she brushed his hair over his forehead and out of his eyes. He was serious and she knew he needed to hear it from her often. For all of his bravado on the streets, Lucy knew she was the one that had power over him. She was the one who could hurt him, maybe the only person on earth that could, and Mac needed to know she would never leave him.

When he was high he showed that side to her sometimes, even if he didn't want to. When he was like this she could see plainly that he really needed her, but she needed him too. He had the power to hurt her too.

“Yes,” She answered without hesitation, “ I don’t like that you keep secrets from me, and I don’t like the other girls, but I don’t want anyone else.”

That was good enough for him.

“Kiss Me,” He touched her face with his palm, bringing her closer to him, their eyes met and for a moment they stared at each other as if they were seeing each other for the first time. This was why Mac loved drugs, it made everything so much better and more defined for him.

“OK,” 

Her lips touched his and it was truly like they belonged there, the drug made the feeling explode inside of both of them as their lips moved and he deepened the kiss. There might be other girls, but this girl was the only one that made his heart beat so fast he was afraid he’d burst because of the way he felt about her. The emotional part of it was so strong that he couldn't think sometimes; it was all he could do not to make her his completely, but he couldn't and he knew that.

What would it be like with Lucy? He could only imagine and he did imagine it, quite a bit. He told her sex was fantastic, and that wasn't a lie, but with her, it would so much more, it would be mind-altering, more than any drug. He knew that already and it was he who wasn't ready for that. She would own him body, mind, and soul after that.

They lay facing each other and he ran his hand over her hip, making circles under her shirt on her skin, just looking at each other.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucy asked.

“This.”

“This?”

“I figured I better get you high or you’ll come back here on smack next year.”

“Why aren’t you afraid I’ll bang some random dude cause you won’t put out,” She laughed and raised her eyebrows at him.

“You won’t.” He grinned, “You only want me.”

She sighed, “You’re right,”

“Got you pretty good huh.”

“Yeah but, I've got you good too now.” He had to laugh at that because it was so true. She held their entwined hands up and they left a trail through the air. Then she did it again, amazed at the colors it created.

“Lucy, you’ve been manipulating me all my life, you think I don't know? This is just another example of you getting me to do your bidding.” He explained, “You say you wanna get high, then I get all scared that your gonna do something dumb, and I get you high.”

“So we agree then,” She laughed and ran her hand over his leg and now he was feeling the effects of the drug and her touch, “I really want to...”

“You’re too young,” Mac sucked in a ragged breath, why couldn't she just make one thing easy for him, “And it's all too new; it may not be what you really want. You need to think about it.”

“For a year????” Lucy exclaimed, “I'm ready now, I've been thinking about it forever.”

“Yeah.” He answered, he wanted her so badly and he always took what he wanted, except from her, “It ain't happening.”

Before he could say another word Lucy rolled over so that she was on top of him and looked down at him while he tried to figure out what just happened. Lucy wasn't usually aggressive this way, and as her hands crept up his chest it was all he could do not to devour her alive. This side of her was new, raw, and damn if he didn't like it right about now.

“Are you sure about that?” She murmured as her lips, made their way down over his neck, his sweet spot. Mac reached up and grasped her hips as she pressed herself against him.

“Come on Luce, give me a break here,” He held her still, “I'm only human.”

“Did you ever want something so bad you couldn't breathe Mac?”

“Yeah, I have, you know that.” He ran his hands over her sides and she shivered, meeting his eyes.

Lucy moved against him and pulled her shirt over her head, no bra again, fuck his life, and leaned over so he could touch her. Her body felt warm under his hands, and the cool breeze blew through her hair as he looked up at her. Mac had fought the good fight, but he knew she was going to get her way again, just like she always did. All this time he thought he ran this relationship, but it was her. That was going to change, but not right now, not tonight.

She moved her hips against his in a slow rhythm, it was so good, and again he wondered how she knew what to do, but it was out of his head just as fast. She was all he could think of as he rolled them over so he was on top of her.

“Why can't I ever say no to you?” He pushed his hips against her, already his dick was aching, “I didn't even bring anything cause I was so sure...”

Then her hand was on his throbbing dick rubbing through his pants, “Pull out...”

It sounded like a plan but he knew he was wasted, just like she was and then she was kissing him again.

“I'm not gonna change my mind and I'm never going to regret it.” She reached for his shirt and pulled it over his head, then pulled at the buckle of his pants.

“We can't undo it once it's done.” But then she was reaching into his pants and stroking him and all coherent thought went out of his head. On a good day a girl's hand down his pants made him crazy, but tonight he had the added ingredients of Lucy and X; a cocktail of disaster or pleasure depending on how you looked at it.

He kissed her hard, pushing her lips apart roughly and devouring her mouth the way he wanted to. It was never going to be undone and he didn't care anymore, he had fought his feelings and hormones for years where she was concerned and he couldn't anymore. He didn't want to.

Mac rose up on his knees and looked up at the dancing stars in the sky, then back down at her, and pulled her jeans down to her delight. Her face was lit up in victory and then he was laughing again as he watched her kick them off.

“What's so funny?”

“You never did this high.”

She shook her head, he knew that she'd never done anything till just a few weeks ago. Then she felt his hand swipe over her breast and even after it was gone she could still feel it. He watched her eyes glaze over and her breathing get erratic, mesmerized by the rise and fall of her chest.

“Oh shit Mac,” And before she could ask him to, he did it again. It was as if every nerve in her body was alive and every touch of his hand held electric current. Everything felt...more defined, somehow she felt more alive and she couldn't describe it.

His lips traveled over her neck, sucking softly and his hand over her breast, Lucy tried not to cry out, but she was already teetering on the edge of oblivion and he'd hardly touched her at all.

“Buckle up...” Sweetheart? No, that's what he'd called that girl in the cave, and every other girl he came in contact with for that matter. Baby, yes that was good. “Baby I'm about to rock your world,” He leaned down and sucked the side of her breast until there was a deep purple mark there. Lucy arched her back like a cat and groaned, his hand was already between her legs and it seemed like everything he did was in slow motion and so intense.

She could feel it building up inside of her in record speed though, faster than all the other times. This was why they called it ecstasy, everything was magnified twenty fold, everything was beautiful, everything was so consuming. He slid his fingers over her and it seemed like he was everywhere at one time, he pushed one, then two fingers inside her slow but deep and she moaned loudly.

“Cum for me baby,” He whispered in her ear, “Come on.”

He was tipping her over the edge with his words and his hand right where she needed it, alternating inside of her and all around her clit slow as molasses. Lucy was sure she would never be able to stand this torture from his fingers, his touch was perfect agony and she cried out.

"Oh, God that's it," He moaned against her neck and worked his fingers against her silky soft flesh. They were not in a hurry and he wanted to get her off; he knew it would be better for her if he did, and even though his cock was hard enough to split concrete, he focused on her, “That's it.”

"All for you," She breathed out clinging to him as she felt her body start to tingle from head to toe; she let the feeling wash over her, looked up at the sky as stars shot across the sky and repeated the words, "All for you."

"Goddam right all for me," He growled then let his fingers go to work on her until she was out of breath and saying his name over and over again, “Only me.”

"Only you," She whined as he brought her all the way to the top of the mountain.

"Come on baby," He moaned against her ear, "Cum for me, I need you to cum for me."

"Oh God," She squeaked, "Oh God Mac, Mac,"

"Come on..."

Then she was falling over the edge and weightless at his touch as her body lit up from head to toe. It seemed to go on forever and took all her breath away, it was different this time and she let the feeling flow through her from head to toe.

"Good girl..." He said wiping her hair out of her face, they were both covered in sweat now, his kisses tasted salty on her lips and she needed more, so much more.

Lucy grabbed him by the waist and pulled him rough against her, then her hands were on his boxer shorts. Finally, they worked them down and he teased her, rubbing his cock against her sensitive clit until she was almost ready to beg him, "You ready?"

"Yes," She squeaked out fast, and he slid inside her slowly just a little bit, then stopped and looked at her. Already the feel of her around him was making him weak and dizzy.

“You OK?, You're sure?” She nodded, it burned but she wanted to get it over with, next time would be better, all her friends said it sucked the first time. She lifted her hips, pulled him down on top of her and then he was inside her almost halfway. For a moment sheer terror blazed through him, what if she couldn't handle it. He was big and she was so small, it was her first time and it was the first time he ever worried about that kind of thing. He wouldn't make her take it all if it was too much.

“I'm OK Mac, really,” She said as if she read his mind and who was he kidding, she could.

"Ohfuckyes," Spilled from his lips in a rush, as he closed his eyes and he fucked her slower than he'd ever fucked someone before, but it was so good. The feeling was unlike any other he'd felt before inside any other girl, it took his breath away and had him breaking out in a sweat. It took a while before he was all the way inside of her, he had been right, she was so tight around him. Each movement he made resulted in her body squeezing his dick applying a sweet pressure that made him her slave, “Fuck yes!” 

She met him thrust for thrust and he knew he wasn't going to last long this way, she fit him like she was made just for him, and he was never going to let her go. His mind was full of her and swimming with this brand new feeling, it was so much more than just the casual sex he had before with other girls.

Mac spread her legs apart and pulled them up and wide so he could watch where their bodies were connected, “Oh, fuck,” He moaned at the sight and the feeling of her tight heat around him. His eyes were glued in place watching himself going in and out of her, he'd never taken the time to watch before. No condom either and fuck it felt incredible.

She was warm and wet and he filled her completely and Lucy ran her hands over his chest and pulled him closer to her, "Give me everything you've got," She panted, "All of it."

"I will baby," He breathed out, "I will."

He slowed down and rolled his hips against hers and grinned as she sighed out loud, then he pushed into her a little harder but carefully as he was about to let go.

Lucy pulled her legs tighter around his waist and crossed her ankles behind his back and it sent him over the edge. He couldn't pull out, physically he was in overdrive and it was too intense, his head was filled with only her. The orgasm overtook him suddenly and moved through his body like a fuse, and he exploded, screaming a string of profanity that even he was shocked at.

Lucy trembled in his arms and to his utter shock he was trembling too, that was something that didn't happen to him, ever. He held her tight, "That's what I'm talkin about," He said wrapping himself around her, a behavior that he would always do after that night when they were together like that.

"Mmmm Hmmm," She replied and hugged him back, his strong arms enveloped her as she lay her head on his chest, content and spent, love drunk.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- I had a hard time naming this chapter, that sometimes happens to me when I write something long. I chose this title because I feel like we don't know who the pusher really is in this chapter. Is it Mac because he gives Lucy drugs, or is it, Lucy, because she gives him the push to get what she wants. The Romeo and Juliette law is a law in Utah, (and prob other states as well, but I just searched, Utah) regarding sex between minors and people of age. In Utah, there is no prosecution if the two are close in age, even if one is over eighteen, but they have to be teenagers. There is also no law against cousins doing whatever they want to do together in Utah. It's legal to marry in Utah if you are first cousins.


	16. You're Dangerous to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the good times never last...

“I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,  
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.  
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,  
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms  
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;  
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,  
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way than this:   
where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Pablo Neruda

 

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Sometime during the night, Mac woke up to Lucy frantically reaching for his buckle and zipper, her fingers fumbling and pulling until he was out of his jeans and boxers. He didn't stop her, he just rolled over and let her push herself against him until he was inside her again. This was new to him, he never actually slept next to a girl before, so getting woken up for another go was a bonus and he was happy to make a lady happy.

“I want it hard this time...” She murmured into his ear and Mac felt all the hair on his head stand up, he didn't remember anyone ever being so into him like she was.

She let out a moan of satisfaction when he was finally all the way inside her, and Mac responded in kind with a grunt as he started fucking her hard, the way she asked him to. He rolled over so that she was on top of him and she looked down at him, moving her hips against his without missing a beat.

"That's it, baby, fuck me, fuck me," He groaned, bringing his hands up to her hips and watching her breasts move with every thrust of her hips, she was a glorious sight. The moon was right behind her and it cast her in an angelic glow that he would always remember after that night. She was different, he knew she would be.

"I'm gonna," She panted, "I'm gonna fuck you good."

Her hair hung in his face as she went at him with everything she had and he was losing it fast. If he didn't roll them back over and take some control back it was going to be all over with and he wasn't done with her yet.

"Lucy, oh fuck," He groaned as she pulled him up and wound her legs around his waist. For a moment in time, they were face to face, eye to eye, not moving and something passed between them, some kind of emotion, a connection that he had never felt before.

Mac rolled them both over and lifted her legs up, holding her by the thighs and slowed down, he stared into her eyes looking for that feeling again that came and went so fast. But it was gone.

His grip never loosened and his fingers dug into the flesh of her thigh as he fucked her nice and slow. Lucy felt it swirling inside of her again, it wouldn't take much, she was almost there again.

Mac watched as the red flush rose over her chest and he knew she was close again. Just a little help was all she needed, and he reached down between them.

"Come on," He pulled out of her and then pushed in hard, working his fingers over her clit, "Cum all over my dick baby."

His dirty mouth made her weak for him and she kept eye contact with him, with those eyes as his words pulled her over the edge into the abyss again.

"Oh fuck yes! Mac fuck yes!" She cried as sweat dripped down over their bodies, and she pulled him down on top of her and held him tight.

He could feel her body pulsating around his dick; that was the going to be the end of it, and he groaned with pleasure. Just before he lost it completely he pulled out and took her hand and before she knew it she was on her stomach. Lucy felt his tight grip on her hips as he pulled her back on his cock and her head hit the pillows they had laid on the ground.

It was so deep, so fucking deep.

There was no way he could stop it again, he pulled out fast and came with a roar all over her heart shaped ass as everything went white behind his eyes. Somehow he found himself lying next to her when it was over and she was trembling again and so was he. This time he wasn't surprised; it was the effect they had on each other.

"Oh my God, You're fucking amazing," He moaned as he pulled her close, wrapped the blanket around them, and she let out a soft sigh of contentment. Mac lay a sweet kiss on the side of her head and she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

"No you are," She murmured softly.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Mac woke up in the morning as the sun was coming up, Lucy was still asleep on her stomach and he walked a few feet away and lit a cigarette. As he inhaled deeply he looked out over the canyon bathed in the red of the sunrise and back at sleeping Lucy. Both things filled him with so much pleasure in that moment and he actually felt good. It was a rare feeling and he wanted it to last but he knew it wouldn't, it never did.

There was none of the guilt now that he had been so sure would stay with him forever over her. All of this time he had been denying something so good from himself, it seemed so silly now. They hadn't used protection though, he was well aware of that, also a first for him. Also, it was a huge mistake and he couldn't believe he had done it. It would never happen again.

Mac walked past where she lay sleeping and realized that this wasn't going to be easy, this thing with her. Already he was worried about not using a condom and her being back in LA soon. So much was running through his head now.

But he realized something else too, now he had something to lose, and she could be used against him. 

He didn't trust anyone he associated with and he knew that things had to stay the same like they decided. They would have to keep it quiet and outright deny it if they had to, he could never publicly call her his own.

For the first time ever he wanted to say someone was his girl and he couldn't, that was the fucked up paradox that was his life.

He sat down on a log by the shed, leaned back and watched her sleep for a long time that morning. He felt even more protective of her now and she drew him closer just by existing; it was the first time he had fucked someone and didn't leave right afterward. 

As he smoked the cigarette and looked at her as she slept, he wanted to lay back down and pull her close to him, just to hold her. He wanted to watch her cum again, she was so beautiful when she came. His mind was a vast wasteland of unfamiliar thoughts as he sat there smoking contemplating things, life.

“You're dangerous to me,” He whispered, “I guess I'm dangerous to you too.”

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Lucy looked in the mirror at herself as she brushed her hair the next morning, he had left bruises on her arms and legs and marks all over her chest. He liked to use his mouth and he liked to bite but made sure they were in places no one could see. It made her wonder about him, about the other girls and what he did with them. 

Was he like that with everyone, the way he was with her, the passion. Was he all over their bodies with his mouth and did he leave marks all over them too? Lucy wanted that for herself, she didn't want anyone else to get that incredible passion he had inside of him.

It wasn't something she wanted to think about and she pushed it from her mind, if they were going to do this she would have to stop her mind from going there. She had agreed to this, just as it was and it was logical to her mind, they couldn't tell and they couldn't change the way they lived their lives. 

He walked up behind her in the mirror and startled her; Mac put his arms around her pulling her back against him and she laid her head on his shoulder.

“I got carried away,” He said and kissed her neck, “But I like seeing my marks on you.” 

“I know.”

“When's your period due? I came inside you the first time.” He asked.

“In a week, we're OK.”

“You call me as soon as you get it, I'm not trying to make any babies.” And then he walked out without another word.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

She was a week late as it turned out, just long enough for the both of them to be sweating it out. Lucy told him she'd take care of it if she was pregnant whatever that meant. He didn't ask, and obviously to him, it would be both their problem, they would take care of it together.

But until they knew for sure Mac was ambivalent and too mad at himself to even talk to her. It was on him in his mind, he had already fucked this up because he couldn't control himself...

During this time it occurred to her that she was all alone, her friends all knew who Mac was, she couldn't tell. How was she supposed to love someone she could never talk about to her friends? How could they ever have a real relationship?

Lucy wasn't one to air her business to the world, but that was something you shared with your girlfriends. Having sex for the first time, or a pregnancy scare was girl news and she never felt so miserable in her whole life. Mac had dropped off the planet and hadn't called or texted for three days since she told him she was late.

Finally, when she was five days late and going out of her mind she made up a name, said it was one of Mac's friends and confessed to Carla and Melody who assured her you couldn't get pregnant the first time you had sex. Lucy wasn't so sure of that but thankfully didn't have to worry because in the middle of the night between day seven and day eight she started to bleed.

She texted Mac immediately.

~ I got it.

He texted her back right away, which told her all she needed to know. He had his phone the whole time and just chose not to communicate with her.

~Thank Fuck

~Thanks for dipping out on me.

Her phone rang then and she looked at it for a minute, deciding if she even wanted to answer it. She didn't, now after days of longing to speak to him he was the last person she wanted to talk to. Finally, she answered after he called eleven times in a row making it clear he wouldn't stop until she answered.

“Wasn't dipping out on you.” He said before she even said hello.

“Well, now I’m dipping out on you. It’s over."

"The fuck it is, this ain’t over till I say it’s over.” He yelled, too loudly back at her.

“How could you leave me with no one to talk to during this? It was fucking mean and ...” He had never been mean to her before and it hurt so damn much.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what we would tell your mother, we, do you get that Lucy, we. We would tell your mother together. We would handle it together,” He hissed, “ We would deal with the shitstorm. We. Us. You don’t fucking understand Luce, I’m supposed to be looking out for you, not making things worse and I never intended to leave you alone if ..”

“Aren’t we past that yet, come on Mac..”

“I was never gonna touch you ever...” He screamed.

“Well, you did!” She screamed and then said calmly, “ And then you let me down, I need to think about it.” She persisted.

“Fuck that.”

“Fuck you...”

“You wanna don’t you? And I know it, so stop pretending you don’t want this dick.” He raged, “I gave you the chance to think about it and you didn’t want to think it over. You wanted it, the whole shit show. You wanted this fuckery we got now, you remember that, Lucy. I’m coming there. Don’t make any plans we’re going to a hotel.”

“I just told you I have my period, asshole.”

“I don’t give a fuck. I’ll eat that pussy till you’re screaming bloody murder,” He groaned into the phone, “I’ll call you when I’m there.”

“I won’t be here. “

“You fuckin better be.”

Then she hung up and shut off her phone, Mac was left staring at the phone in his hand; no girl ever hung up on him, not that he called any much to talk like he called Lucy. He called back and she didn't answer and he couldn't believe the set of balls she had.

 

////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: You CAN get pregnant anytime you have sex, even the first time, even if he pulls out, even if you stand on your head afterward. You can get pregnant every time you have sex, use condoms.


	17. Can't You See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac takes a road trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and then there's a time jump to get them into their twenties :)

“Can't you see, whoa, can't you see,  
what that woman, she's been doin to me.”

Can't You See by Marshall Tucker Band

 

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Walter stepped out of the bar at closing, lit a cigar and looked towards the sound of Mac's truck coming down the road behind the building. He walked towards the road as he saw the red truck coming around the corner like a bat out of hell and wasn't surprised. He had heard him fighting on the phone with someone, and he had an idea what someone it was and it was late. It didn't seem like the kid was heading home either, Walter did not need this bullshit. He waved his son down and it was clear to him Mac was not pleased to stop and talk.

Rosie had remarked earlier to him that Mac drank five shots of whiskey in a row and had been on his phone texting all night while Walter was in his office doing paperwork. Something was going on, but Walter knew that already. He had an idea of where his son was headed, he didn't exactly approve.

The kid had been acting sketchy all week, looked like pounded shit, and now he was acting like the devil was on his tail the way he was driving. Mac slowed down when he saw his father and leaned out the window, but he didn't shut the truck off.

“Hey, sorry I thought you were still inside,” Mac said.

Walter peered into the truck casually with just his eyes and observed a duffel bag on the seat, an unopened bottle of Southern Comfort and a carton of cigarettes. Those things were probably snatched from Walter's apartment upstairs where Mac still kept some belongings, a throwback from when he stayed there every other weekend.

 

“Where you going in such a hurry son?”

“California,” Mac grumbled under his breath, but Walter heard him. So it was true what everyone said about them, Walter hadn't been 100% sure.

“What’s that girl got a golden snatch, got you running outta here like your ass is on fire ?” He asked with a laugh.

“That’s your niece you’re talking about like that,” Mac growled.

“That’s your cousin you’re fucking,” Walter stared him down in his signature way that could make anyone feel uneasy and like shit all at the same time, “Like that.” He said with a raise of his eyebrows.

Mac looked down at the steering wheel and back up at his father. “Ain’t illegal.”

“Your mother know?” Walter asked, “HER mother?”

Mac shook his head, “No one knows.”

“They’ll find a way to make that my fault too.” Walter laughed and that was all Mac needed. If his father was laughing, then it was a good day.

“Just keep it to yourself old man a’ight?”

“Sure,” Walter replied, “Like everyone in town doesn’t already wonder about you two anyway.” Out of the corner of his eye, Walter saw Martin sneaking around outside in parking lot, next to the bar. Martin always offered to walk Rosie to her car any time he was there at closing and was now just coming around the corner, after making sure she drove away safe. 

You took care of your own here, kept them safe. Rosie was like everyone's crazy Aunt and Martin especially enjoyed her wit and talking to her; he had also witnessed Mac's heavy drinking, drunk texting and peeling out after the fight with Lucy on the phone. He didn't know who he was fighting with because Mac was way in a back corner for privacy, but he had an idea.

Walter and Mac switched to Spanish when Martin approached, something they did sometimes if they wanted to speak to each other privately in a crowd. It depended on who was around though, Marco was fluent in Spanish, Martin and Stanley were not. 

Martin stopped to light a cigarette and then walked towards them to see what the big ruckus was about.

“La amas?” Walter asked, “Estás Enamorado de Ella?” ~You love her? Are you in love with her?

“Si,” Mac replied,”'Estoy Enamorado,” ~Yes, I'm in love with her

“Well,” Walter smiled, “Pobre Diablo.” ~Poor bastard.

Mac nodded, he was in love and he was a poor bastard indeed, even he knew that.

“See you in a few days,” Mac said and motioned towards Martin with a short snap of his head, “Look out for that Chismosa,”~Look out for that rat.

Walter nodded and slapped his hand on the hood of the truck, “Be safe.” 

As Mac pulled away Martin walked up behind Walter and stood next to him

“Just cause Y'all speaking that Spanish shit don’t mean I don’t know what’s what. This is going to be a problem.” Martin sighed, “I can just feel it.”

“That’s the power of good pussy, man, it’s an entity unto itself,” Walter merrily laughed, “For now I'm not going to do a thing about this, he comes back and does his job, all is gonna be fine.” He nodded to Martin, “If not,” He crossed his arms, “I'll handle it.”

“You mean you'll have me handle it, don't you?”

“Not one action from you, cholo, not unless I say.” Walter cautioned, “And wipe that jealous expression off your face, its so fucking obvious and I'm not gonna stop him from beating your ass next time, you got me?”

“Got it, boss,” Martin replied and stamped his foot on the cigarette he threw on the ground.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

True to her word Lucy was not at home when he got there and she wasn't answering his calls or texts. Now he had to hunt her down. She knew he was coming and she had gone out, it was like flipping him the bird. He smiled at her bravery to do that, to hang up on him and ignore him, most girls didn't have that kind of nerve. But Lucy did, she always did.

He wasn't used to being ignored by the fairer sex and if he thought about it, that was part of the appeal she had. She knew him better than anyone on the planet and she didn't take his shit and he wasn't going to take hers. A girl that didn't take his bullshit, and that he had loved since he was two years old, that was the girl he would drive twelve hours for.

He knew they weren't done fighting either, and he still drove all that way, to fight with her; there was something wrong with him, he was sure of it.

As he stood against the wall of the store, with one foot up against the bricks, smoking, he was still as mad at her even after all that time to think and a shitty drive. He had earbuds hooked into his new iPod and was listening to an old song Walter liked, hence he heard it all his life. It had a badass flute riff right in the beginning and it built to an amazing crescendo. It was how he was feeling at the moment, and his old man had some good taste in music, he had to admit that. He closed his eyes and let the music flow through him and looked up at the smoggy sky.

In his back pocket was another iPod for Lucy, loaded with all her favorite songs, he hoped she would accept it.

“Who would be a poor man, a beggar man, a thief....if he had a rich man in his hand?” He actually liked this song a lot, “And who would steal the candy from a laughing baby's mouth...if he could take it from the money man.”

He waited and smoked until she came out with Carla and Melody and they actually noticed him first. Lucy had been texting, and not him, and when he saw that he ripped the earbuds out of his ears and threw down his cigarette.

Carla elbowed her, recognizing him from the numerous pictures Lucy had shown her over the years and he was even better looking in person. Lucy looked up from her phone and didn't smile; the anger radiated off of him even from feet away, all three girls felt the waves coming from him.

“You got company Lucy,” Carla said after he pushed off the wall and walked towards them. Christ, Carla thought to herself as she watched him, he walks like he knows he's got a stick of sexual dynamite in his pants. He had a natural swagger that was making her blood boil.

“Oh for fuck's sake Mac I told you...” Lucy protested.

“Yeah and I told you..” He grabbed her by the arm, “Introduce me to your friends Luce,” He demanded.

Lucy huffed and he gripped her arm harder, it would leave a bruise, his fingerprints would be on her again and he liked that. Carla's mouth hung open, still transfixed by his cocky walk, and pushy, but not too pushy that he wasn't hot attitude.

“Mac this is Carla and Melody.” Lucy acquiesced, “Girls this is my cousin Mac,” She wanted to add some expletive to the introduction but knew she didn't dare, he looked rough and he looked pissed, ready to snap. But then he changed on a dime.

“Charmed,” He said and took each girl's hand in his and kissed them one after the other, sliding his eyes up slowly to make direct eye contact with each girl separately while he kissed her hand. Next to him, he could feel the anger radiating off of Lucy now, and only he knew why, then he smiled, “Excuse us, ladies, would you, we got something to talk about.”

Mac knew what made her mad, and he used it, he might have been drag assed tired but he knew how to push her buttons. He could charm the pants off any girl, he knew that already, when he wanted to. He could work his eyes and a girl would follow him anywhere and Lucy knew that too.

“Sure thing,” Carla said softly, still looking at him, transfixed by his gaze, “See you at school?”

Lucy nodded and said a polite goodbye to her friends, even though she was seething at his effort to make her jealous. It was so juvenile, and they weren't like that, but it had worked. She couldn't believe he had flirted with her friends, if she ever did that, there would be hell to pay.

As he pulled Lucy away Melody turned to Carla, “Guess he found out she banged his friend.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was jealous,” Melody replied.

They watched as he pushed her into the truck rough, but not too rough, slammed the door hard and they argued as he walked around to the driver's side door. Mac banged his hand on the hood along the way and screamed something intelligible to her through the windshield. The two girls could hear them yelling and watched as they gestured wildly at each other but couldn’t make out the words.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

They fought all the way to the hotel and she refused the gift he brought her twice until finally he just jammed it into her purse and told her to shut the fuck up. At every stop light he would turn and get right in her face or she got in his, there had been no hug hello or any kisses, they were both pissed for their own reasons. Eventually, they had a few calm words between them, mostly about his inability to comprehend all the people and traffic of LA. He made conversation with her because he had to, or else he was going to lose it and crack her one.

“You can't buy me with gifts, so stop trying, I'm mad at you!” But she took out the iPod and turned it on, “Oh great all your crappy Nirvana songs.”

“Put your crap on it too, look under the file that says Lucy's shit music.” He laughed, and when she didn't smile he continued, “Please take it, Lucy, I want you to have it, you can still be mad if you want.”

“You sell drugs to buy this.” It was not a question.

He nodded, “Some one's gonna do it Luce, might as well be me.”

She didn't answer, but she did put the earbud in her ear, “I don't forgive you.”

“I didn't think you would.”

They were silent for a few minutes. Lucy didn't want to be complicit in a crime, but she wanted the iPod, it was the exact one she had looked at; how did he know? Did he know her that well? The answer was yes he did, he knew her likes and dislikes, he knew everything about her and she knew him.

“This sucks and this fucking traffic?” He raged, “I fucking hate this place.”

“Welcome to MY world Mac.”

“It's like every piece of land has been used up.” Mac said, “I feel like a caged dog here.”

 

He barreled into the parking lot and pulled her by the hand through it to the room he had gotten before he went looking for her. When he shut the door to the room and locked the door his eyes grew dark and fixed on her. She noticed the vase of pink roses, he always bought her pink ones because they were her favorite. It didn't change her mood though, this grand gesture didn't mean she still wasn't mad at him. The iPod wasn't getting him off the hook either.

“Call your mother and tell her you ain’t coming home tonight .” He said as he walked towards her.

“And what should I tell her, jerk off, that I’m at a hotel with you?” Lucy answered back.

“I don’t give a flying fuck what you tell her, she knows I'm here, who do you think told me where you were?” He stared across the small room at her, “We aren’t leaving this room until we straighten this out.”

“What are you gonna do Mac? Come here every time we get into a fight or you get pissed at me,” She laughed, “It's kidnapping you know.”

He was silent for a minute and Lucy could feel his soul deflate.

“Please don't say that Luce,” He said softly and she didn't know why he had said that, but something in the softness of his voice told her she had hurt him. She had wanted to hurt him back, but the look on his face was pure pain, and she hadn't meant to go that far. It was just a joke, but it triggered something in him that she didn't understand.

“Well, is that what you're gonna do? Come here every other day, cause we fight a lot Mac, in case you didn't notice. You'll need another job just to pay for gas,” She laughed, trying to lighten the mood and then he laughed, “You're gonna need a newer truck.”

“If I have to, I will come here,” He walked towards her unbuckling his pants, backing her up against the edge of the bed, “To keep you in line.”

“Mac??”

“So where’s this Mustang driving football player douchebag? Think I’ll kick his ass while I’m here too.”

“I'm not telling you,” She laughed, “You think I'm crazy?”

He nodded, “Uh huh,”

He pushed her on the bed and climbed on top of her, straddling her legs with one of his on each side, then pulled her hands up over her head and held them against the mattress. She wasn't afraid of him, she had seen him like this before when he got riled up about something. Then his lips were on her neck and as much as she may have wanted to resist she couldn't. 

“Now what do you say? Kiss and make up?” He kissed down her neck, sucking and biting along the way, “And a shower? Then we can try and break this bed.” He pushed his dick against her, just for effect and emphasis, “Come on Carina, forgive me?”

She didn't answer right away, but he knew she would forgive him, they always forgave each other eventually.

“Don’t you ever let me down again. I'll leave you if you do.” She said solemnly. 

“I'll try my best Luce, I swear to God, but maybe I'm just no good for you.”

“You've been trying to warn me off my whole life Mac.”

“And you don’t listen good.”

“I don't want anyone else but you.” ~But sometimes I wish I did.

 

//////////////////////////////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :) Let me know what you think.


	18. This is for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning, make up sex ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy make up,but their problems are far from over.

He led her into the bathroom by the hand and turned on the shower water, making it warm and soaping up his hands.  
Together they stepped under the spray and he pulled her back against him so gently, the paradox of that was not lost on him. She was the only woman he treated that way, didn’t she already know that? Didn’t she know that was love?

Lucy lay her head back on his shoulder and he kissed her neck softly, running his teeth over her skin, but careful not to leave marks there. He’d leave them in other places but not where people could see. The stigma of what they were was always paramount in his mind, even though he knew he shouldn't care. It was for her protection too, they would never tell anyone.

His hands came up over her stomach and she sighed quietly, it was her he was trying to protect, from gossip and stares by people who didn't understand. He had to protect her from people who might want to harm her to get even with him, that could happen and he was well aware of it. Then there was her mother, it would not go over well if she came home covered in hickeys after being with him.

“Lucy,” Mac’s hands slid up her stomach towards her breasts, “I swear I only love you,” He purred into her ear, “I'll never let you down again.”

His hands brushed over her breasts, wet and soapy and he palmed her nipples, grinning against her skin when she let out a low moan.

“Relax,” He kissed down her out stretched neck, “This is for you.”

He leaned back against the wall, letting the water flow over them, kept one hand on her right breast, and brought his other down to her stomach.

“You want me?” He groaned into her ear.

“Always...”

“Good,” He sucked on the side of her neck almost sending her into orbit.

“Forgot you’re ambidextrous,” Lucy groaned as his fingers slipped lower, teasing her and then finally inside her. His other hand continued at her breast, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and he could feel her breathing heavier. Her response was so quick, it amazed him every time how much she wanted him. And he was as into her as she was to him; fuck the world if they judged.

“You’ll never forget again baby,” He moaned into her ear and pressed his throbbing cock against her back, “That’s for you too, but you gotta cum first.”

His lips were on her shoulder sucking hard and he bit into her flesh, then soothed the bite with his tongue, all the while keeping his fingers on her nipple and finally making small circles around her clit.

“Jesus,” Lucy sagged in his arms as her knees went weak, and he pulled her closer, supporting her small body against his.

“Come on,” His mouth was back to her ear, “Give it to me.”

Both of his hands kept up at her and she melted into him, there was no feeling better than being in his arms. They fought wildly but they loved just as wild, a life without that was no life for her and she knew no one would ever make her feel the way he did.

“Oh fuck...” She breathed out.

“Come on Lucy...cum,” He moaned against her cheek, sliding two fingers inside of her until she was gasping for air then back to the small spot that stoked the flames inside of her. “Lucy,” He licked the shell of her ear, “Cum like a good girl so I can fuck you, come on.”

She was moving her head side to side now, totally a slave to his words and touch, “Oh god, oh my fucking god.”

“Come on,” He could feel her starting to shake, she was close, just a little more, “Come on baby, let it go. I’m gonna fuck you so good...”

“Fuck...oh God ...” She screamed while the feeling surged through her entire body, starting in her belly, throbbing and pulsing all over her, through her ears, making her too weak to stand. Mac turned them and lifted her up, pushing inside her while the tight walls around him still pulsated.

“Oh Fuck Me... fuck me...” He growled, pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her thighs, and pushing her against the wall.

Lucy wrapped her legs around him and held onto his strong arms letting him fill her up with his perfect cock. He pushed his lips against hers, invading her mouth with his tongue as a second orgasm ripped through her like lighting with no warning and she screamed, digging her nails into his biceps.

The water rained down on them and her body pulled him over the edge fast, he was dizzy from the feel of her tight walls around him, she was so fucking tight and warm.

“I’m gonna cum...” He groaned, “Oh goddammit.”

“Do it!” Lucy pleaded, “Give it all to me.”

Mac grunted and let loose emptying every drop of his hot cum inside of her, allowing his whole body to shudder in release and the white light flash behind his eyes, sending him into orbit.

Once he gained control of himself he placed his forehead on hers and gazed into her eyes. “Shoulda pulled out.” He said with a laugh, “Here we go again.”

“I think it’s ok.” 

“I think we need to be more careful,” He kissed her forehead, “I don't like fighting with you.”

“Mac we've fought all our lives,” She smiled.

“Not like that,” He replied and she nodded, he was right about that, this fight hurt her in the heart, and she had been more hurt than angry.

“We'll be more careful,” She replied as she slithered down out of his arms, “But I’m gonna start picking fights with you just for the make up sex, not gonna lie,” Lucy laughed.

“You're a riot.” He answered.

“I’ll get the shot. I know there can’t ever be any kids.”

“Our gene pool is a fucking nightmare .” He said, pulling her under the spray of water again and holding her close, “It's a scary thought, us making a baby.”

“Mac, I don’t expect anything from you that you can’t give me, like children. I know there’s things you don’t tell me and things you do that I might not like. I understand all of that. When we’re apart, which is often... I get it ok? Just if I need you. You need to be there.”

He nodded, “I promise.”

“Don’t give me any diseases and don’t make any babies with anyone.” She continued, “That's the deal breaker with me, I know I can’t have your children...”

“Don’t want any anyway.”

“Me either,” She sighed, “I wouldn’t have had it, you know?”

“I know.” He ran his hand through her wet hair and pulled her closer, “ It just can’t ever happen.”

 

///////////////////////////////////// 

 

After the shower, he laid her down on the bed and knelt down on the floor. Lucy rose up on her elbows and he pulled her towards him gently by the ankles. She loved the look on his face now, it was like a kid in a candy store as trite as that seemed. No more anger and he seemed free here, it radiated off him, like the anger did; but this was so much better.

“Come 'ere,” He said with a grin.

“Whatcha doing,” She asked as he ran his hands over her inner thighs.

“I believe told you yesterday what I was going to do,” He winked at her then set her feet flat on the bed, “Let me see what you got for me.”

Lucy did as he told her and let her knees fall against the mattress, she thought she would be embarrassed to do this but she wasn't. All her life she was so bashful, even changed in the bathroom during gym class, but with him, the person she trusted above all others, she could do this.

“That's fuckin nice,” He groaned, reached up and kissed her dirty, fucking her mouth with his tongue and digging his hands into her hair. He kissed slowly down her body and over her stomach, “So fuckin nice.” He groaned, spread her legs wider and licked her with the flat of his tongue.

Lucy gripped the sheets in her fists as he slid her legs over his shoulders and pulled her against his face. She moaned out loud when he opened his mouth and pushed his tongue inside her, then gripped him by the hair, unable to decide what to do with her hands. He was all consuming and would eat her alive literally and figuratively and she knew she would let him do anything without an argument.

Mac slid his tongue over her lips and swirled it around her clit, licking and sucking until she was almost crying with need, when she came it was loud and he pulled her closer, drinking every bit of her.

“Oh, god come here,” She sat up and pulled him down on her, “Hurry,” She pulled him against her, finally inside of her and they both grunted at the feeling. He rolled over on his back and she fucked him good, looking down at him and into his eyes. They had never been in a bed together like this, never somewhere they didn't have to be quiet.

“That's it, baby, ride me good.” He brought his hands down to her hips and held her in place just where he wanted her.

Lucy's hair hung in her face and she leaned down and kissed him, pushing her hips against his in a dizzying rhythm; Mac closed his eyes, something he only did with her, then he rolled them over again to finish pounding her into the mattress as he promised.

It was so fucking good with her, every time. 

It was so good he almost forgot to pull out; he remembered at the last minute and shot his load on her tits with a roar and collapsed on top of her, After a while he spoke,“Can't wait till you start getting the shot, let me know how much it is, I'll send you the money.” He breathed out in one long sentence and Lucy ran her fingers through his hair and laughed.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////

 

He shifted his weight against her and pressed his dick along her leg as they lay in bed together much later, the sun had come and gone and the moon hung full in the sky. Mac was ready to go again but Lucy snuggled down into his arms and sighed as he kissed the top of her head. 

He was thinking weird thoughts, and he wanted a distraction; random things like how different he was with her than other girls, he always asked her permission before he touched her in a sexual way. He asked first almost every time and if he didn't it was because she was telling him to fuck her. He did shit like get her flowers and kissing the top of her head like he had just done minutes ago. He bought her presents, he worried about her well being, not just because she was his blood and it was unnerving. He was afraid of losing her somehow.

Mac wanted this to work, this thing with her, it scared him in a way that he had gotten in his truck after a fight with her and drove twelve hours just to make it right. He wouldn't drive twelve seconds to make it right with Carolina, or Chelsea or any of the other girls he had been with. Then she had said he kidnapped her, he knew it was a joke, but it had affected him deeply.

“I didn't think you'd really come,” Lucy said, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“Well, you ignored my calls.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You were pretty pissed off huh?”

“Don’t you ever make me feel like I’m not important to you. Look I know, ok? I figured out you're working for Walter, and I know what his business is. I don’t care, it doesn't change the person I know you are. I know you see other girls, I care about that but...I know it's out of my control, whatever you do, just don’t treat me...”

“I won’t. I swear .” He replied and pulled her closer, “When I’m done with you this weekend you'll have no doubt how I feel; you’re gonna feel like you got hit with a Mac truck.”

He laughed at his own joke and finally so did she.

“I just couldn’t stand you being mad at me.” He brushed her hair over her face and she turned to face him, he pulled her leg over his to get closer, “It was so dumb of me not to use protection, I was pissed at me, not you. But I should have called.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Lucy agreed.

“You’re OK with never having kids?” Mac asked, “I mean if this...” His voice trailed off because he didn't know how to say it. If they lasted this way, if it was going to be a long term thing, if they didn't kill each other first.

“Yes, you’re worth it to me.”

“Me?” He replied, utterly shocked; Lucy was always the one who thought he was worth something, sometimes he forgot that in her eyes he was not what the world saw. She would give up so much to be with him, and he knew it wasn't fair to ask her to, but he wanted what he wanted. Just like long ago when he was determined to teach her how to walk, he didn't stop then and he wouldn't stop now.

“Yes,” She replied, “You, it will always be you.”

Mac was pretty sure it would always be her too and that was a scary prospect, fair or not fair, they were in this now. How it was going to work with her so far away was a thought for another day.

“Will you read to me, Luce?” He asked as he eyed the books she had in her backpack she carried, “The Lord of the Rings,” “To Kill a Mockingbird”, and some others were sitting on the nightstand, “Like when we were kids?”

“Sure,” Lucy sat up and reached for the closest book but he grasped her hand to stop her.

“The poem first.”

“OK.” Lucy grabbed the poetry book, sat up more and pulled him towards her and he lay his head in her lap, she softly ran her fingers through his hair as she read and he closed his eyes to just listen to her voice.

 

I was always yours to have, and you were always mine, we loved each other in and out of time.

 

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	19. The Devil is a Gentleman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac picks up a hitchhiker on the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the title and idea for this chapter came from someone I work with (I'm a nurse). One day at work I was discussing religion with some co-workers, and my friend turned to me and said, "Remember Krissy, the devil is a gentleman." Well, if that doesn't describe Mac, at least in this story, although I feel like it's all my stories. To me, he is a seducer and very seductive so this chapter title fits. :)  
> Also, when I first wrote it, it was just a few paragraphs that I didn't even like too much, I wasn't even going to include it in the story, but as usual Magenta talked some sense into me and said it has to be its own chapter. So here it is, thank her because I was ready to delete it LOL.

The drive back to Utah was not nearly as horrible as the drive to California, and there were a lot of reasons for that. For one thing, Mac was much less wired up and tense, he and Lucy had spent two days together holed up in the hotel room, eating takeout and never even got out of bed. 

That was his kind of weekend for sure, Chinese food, reading, and dirty sex had improved his mood twenty fold at least. He didn't like fighting with her, never had, even when they were kids. But, sometimes he and Lucy were like oil and water, and they always had been. Maybe it was the close bloodline, that was always on his mind, they both had so many of the same traits. Their tolerance for each other's bullshit was low. She was the only girl in his history that gave it right back to him.

Both of them were stubborn and if they thought they were right about something they would never let it go. It seemed also that they would never let go of each other, that was both comforting and disturbing at the same time. They were bound by more than blood now and blood would always bind them too.

He had taught her how to walk, how to drive a car, how to fuck. I always loved you more.

Mac drove along the long stretch of highway thinking about her, the way she accepted him, and accepted what he could give her. In his mind, it wasn't much, and she deserved better, a better man who she could marry one day and have children with. As much as he tried to push her away, because he did do that sometimes unknowingly by not returning calls and ignoring texts, she just kept coming back. Lucy really loved him and maybe it wasn't up to him to decide for her what she wanted.

If she wanted a tweaked up nut job, who was he to argue with her? He just found out where arguing got him, and he didn't like that feeling at all. The thought of losing her for good was why he drove to beat the devil to get to her. Being with Lucy like this now as lovers, was amazing, even fighting with her was an exhilarating free fall and he was in this with her; wherever it went he was going.

She didn't complain about what he could not give her, fidelity or a straight life with children someday, she concentrated on the good things about him. He didn't get it at all but maybe he wasn't supposed to, as a man who struggled to find answers to so many questions about himself this might be a question he would be stumped on forever.

They could never even hold hands in public at home, but the next time he went to visit her he planned to take her out and do that. No one would know them, they would just be another couple among the crowd with their hands intertwined. He could hold her hand and kiss her and no one would bat an eye, and no one would tuck the knowledge away to use against him, or judge her.

He didn't trust any of those jerk offs at home not to hassle her because of him, they all knew they were close anyway. If anyone suspected how close it would be hell for her. Most people already knew the way to get to him was her, they couldn't know just how easy it would be.

Just as he arrived in Carson City, he saw a girl with dark braids standing by the side of the dusty road with her thumb out. He shook his head as he slowed down next to her. Didn't girls know not to do that? Had she never heard of Ted Bundy? Mac picked her up and drove her all the way to the border of Utah, a place where Ted Bundy actually hunted. His crimes were in Washington State, Colorado, Utah, and Florida. Mac had read about him years ago, when he was still in school, searching for himself in the pages of a book on serial killers.

The girl was friendly and sweet; they talked some and she told him she was on her way to Salt Lake City for a new job. He told her he was returning home from visiting a friend, his best friend actually and that was true.

The girl reminded him of Lucy, all dark haired girls did really, he would never put his hands on a girl with dark hair because of her. They were all Lucy in his eyes, he could never hurt them. 

The girl named Jenny Ridgeway talked with excitement about her new job and Mac told her about Lucy. He left out certain facts of course, like the fact that they were closely related, but it felt good to talk to someone about her. He never got to say she was his and it felt good to say it out loud, to say her name out loud, and to claim her, even to a stranger.

“You got a girl, Mac?” She had asked after they made small talk as much as they could.

“Yeah, just on my way back from seeing her,” He answered.

“What's her name?”

“Lucy,” He answered.

“Lucy in the sky with diamonds, I like it.” She grinned, “Sweet Lucy was a dancer, but none of us would chance her...” She sang an old Deep Purple song that he knew, thanks to Walter and he cracked a slight smile.

The girl was peculiar to him, but who was he to judge anyone? She had one backpack only and looked like she very recently could have been homeless, but she would be good company. He doubted there was any job in Salt Lake, but that wasn't his business. The drive was better with company, there was no question about that.

Mac had already decided to take her as far as he could, to keep her off the roads and from getting in the car with the wrong person. She said she wasn't afraid, and that she could read people's intentions towards her, but he didn't believe that at all. If she wasn't dark haired his intentions would have been totally different and he would have charmed her into his car. He'd done it before, and probably would again, maybe he wasn't putting out that vibe and that's what she picked up on. But he doubted this girl was as good at reading people as she thought. Jenny chatted happily with him as if she didn't know he had blood on his hands. 

When they stopped for coffee and something to eat at some dive truck stop the girl produced a deck of cards and told him she could tell his fortune. Mac asked if that was how she knew about people's intentions and she just smiled.

“Are you some kind of a psychic?”

“I'm Romani, Mac,” As if that answered all his questions, and now he had more, curious by nature always, now he wanted to know all about her culture, “With a little psychic twinkle I guess.”

As they sipped their coffee and ate their greasy but delicious burgers, he watched her lay down the cards in a gypsy spread. The girl knew what she was doing and he watched in amazement as she pointed to each card laid out on the table in the back of the restaurant where they sat.

As Jenny explained each card to him, he was fascinated by what she told him. He didn't know if he believed in this stuff or not, but he listened to her intently and she had much to say. She reminded him that she could only tell him what she saw and that the gift didn't always reveal everything a person wanted to know.

Obviously, since she had gotten in his truck with him, she didn't know what he was. The gift had failed her on that one in his opinion. As she turned the cards over one by one she told him what she saw for him, then laid them all out in front of him

She said he would have a prosperous life, money would always be available to him and in his pocket when he needed it. She said that he would love one woman for his entire life and they would have no children, and Mac raised his eyebrows a bit to that. That one was probably true. He noticed she scowled slightly as she said that, then she looked back up at him.

Jenny told him that someone close to him was not what they seemed, but couldn't say if it was a man or woman, just that Mac should be careful, and not give his trust to just anyone. She said he would be happy, but that happiness might bring him pain, she couldn't say for sure. He was used to pain, he even expected it, it followed him around like a dark spirit all his life. There were different kinds of pain, his was not physical it was mental and sometimes, most times he wanted to trade. Physical pain ended, eventually.

Then she leaned across the table and looked into his eyes.

“You're conflicted Mac, in a battle with yourself sometimes it seems to me,” Jenny leaned forward, “Are you fighting a demon inside of you?”

He nodded, the idea of lying to her never occurred to him, “Sometimes I'm fighting it and sometimes not.”

“You know, people need to accept themselves, just as they are. We only get one life Mac, live it the way you want to, with who you want to.” She said, “Embrace your demon and make it your friend.”

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

At the Utah border, it was time to drop her off and the thought of this girl hitch hiking worried him, it was a dangerous world, full of men like him. She was a woman on the road alone and vulnerable, and he hoped whatever talent for weeding out crazy people she had worked for her. He was continuing east and she was heading north to Salt Lake, he wished her well.

“It was nice meeting you Mac, thank you for your kindness,” She leaned in the window and placed a sweet kiss on the side of his lips, “Take care of your Lucy, love her up,” She won’t be with you for long, she thought to herself and it was better not to tell him, maybe she was wrong, she hoped so, but she usually wasn’t, “She loves you true.”

“Here, you take this,” He reached into the glove box and pushed the gun aside to grab a knife in a sheath and pressed it into her hand, “Be careful out the hitching Jenny.”

“Thanks, Mac .”And there was a flash in her eyes for a moment, a sadness like she knew something as he placed the knife in her hand. He could see it plain as day, she was haunted by something, and it was something bad, “Take care,” She whispered.

Mac wanted to ask her what was wrong, did she finally see the real him when she touched the knife? Their eyes met and she smiled, kissed him again and turned to go. Jenny walked away and one tear slid down her face for the man in the red truck. Her heart absolutely broke for him, he was so young, at least ten years younger than she was, with a long life ahead of him. His girl would die young, he would never love another woman for the rest of his life. Jenny didn’t know how Lucy would die, just that she would and he would never get over it. Whatever conflict she had sensed in him was deep, he was at war with himself and battling his true nature, she hoped one day he would find peace, but she didn't think he would.

“You take care too,” He called out to her and she turned, “Remember what they say Jenny you need to be careful out there, the devil is a gentleman.”


	20. Who You Really Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter and previous ones I think too Mac and Lucy speak Spanish to each other, it seems strange perhaps, but this would be the way they would speak to each other in his culture. He would be bilingual and speak Spanish with his father and Lucy would know some Spanish from Mac, and speak it with him. There are more notes at the end about how they would speak to each other as lovers when no one was around in the Mexican culture. Also once again I have inserted one of my favorite bands (Sublime) into a story, and the same song LOL. It's “Waiting for my Ruca” and it's soooo good. Sorry, not sorry lol.

“She said "I'm fine, I'm okay" cover up your trembling hands.  
There's indecision when you know you ain't got nothing left  
When the good times never stay.  
And the cheap thrills always seem to fade away (when will we fall)  
When will we fall (when will we fall down).”

Fall Down by Toad the Wet Sprocket

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

When Mac got back the next week was filled with so much bullshit he almost regretted going away, almost. In the end, the trip had been worth it because they talked a lot of things out and he had the opportunity to tell Jenny about her. It had been freeing somehow to tell another person that he loved Lucy. He hoped Jenny was okay, he hoped that she was as smart as she thought she was and wouldn't come across the wrong person one day.

He and Lucy discussed him coming to visit her again, maybe in a few months and he knew seeing her was worth the trouble, but damn everybody was nasty and fucking up left and right while he was gone. He was in charge of Walter's shit for a reason he supposed.

It was as if no one did shit when he was gone, Walter was on a rampage from the minute he got back and the five of them were holed up in the cave for days, finishing up and getting on each other's nerves. They made so many batches of Walter's special, and no one saw the light of day until it was finished.

It almost went down really bad on day three when Martin lit a cigarette and hummed “Waiting for my Ruca” by Sublime as he worked side by side in the cave with Mac. They were weighing and bagging up product and Walter was off to the side arguing with someone on his cell phone. 

“Cause she's my Ruca...” Martin continued to sing, and when Marco walked by with more baggies he joined in too. “I'm barely waiting for my heina...” Everyone knew who the Ruca was, it was the biggest kept secret that everyone knew about.

“Shut the fuck up will ya!” Mac growled when he had enough of their crap.

“That girl owns you man,” Marco said just to be a dick, “What's she got between her legs that no one else has?”

Mac ignored this bullshit. “I wouldn't know now would I?”

“We all know that's where you lit out to for three days like your ass was on fire, even if you won't admit it,” Marco replied.

“Yeah,” Martin joined in, “You two have a lovers quarrel?”

“Just shut the fuck up before I shut you up,” Mac growled and effectively shut them down in fear, they knew how far to push and this was far enough. Marco remembered Mac's threat against his sister Maria, and he knew Mac would do it and it wouldn't be nice. He backed down right away anytime they got into it ever since Mac made that threat.

“They're right,” Walter said from the corner after he finished his phone call, “A woman will make you weak.”

Mac huffed, this usual machismo from his father was no surprise really, and he was guilty of it too, but he didn't want this conversation. He would have liked it two years ago; where the fuck was Walter and his advise then? Maybe this would have never happened with Lucy if Walter had been the kind of father he could ask about what was right and wrong.

“Yeah well she ain't here now, is she?” Mac yelled across the cave and lit a cigarette, “So you ain't got nothing to worry about.” 

“What do you think she'd say if she knew who you really are?” Martin continued.

“She ain't ever gonna know.”

“I hope no one tells her...” Martin lit a cigarette and leaned against the work table, then decided to change songs, “Dream of Cali-fornication...” Martin sung in a low voice and Mac glared at him again. 

“Enough!!” Walter yelled, “Get this done.”

 

They continued working side by side as Walter gave instructions and no one was talking or singing. After they loaded up the bundles of white powder into their respective vehicles Marco sidled up to Mac by his truck as he smoked a cigarette.

“So you like getting led around by your dick then?” Martin said under his breath and Mac was about to move towards him when he heard a shrill whistle, and then his father's voice.

“Mac,” Walter called him to the cave entrance and led him back inside.

“What?”

“Enough, this took way to long to finish, and the next time you take off without notice to go get laid, I'm taking half your cut.”

“We ain't like that.”

“Sure, whatever,” Walter smirked, “Half.”

Mac nodded, “Ain’t changing nothing.”

“Does she know?”

“About the family business? Yeah, she knows.”

“And?”

“She isn't gonna tell anyone.”

“She know you’re using?”

“Probably,” Mac nodded, “You got a problem with it?”

“Son, she's your weakness, your Achilles heel; has been since the day she was born.” Walter said, “ But that's your fucking problem, I have no problem unless you give me a problem, you understand? Because then, I will give you a problem and you won't like it.”

 

////////////////////////////

 

“My reflection, dirty mirror,  
There's no connection to myself.  
I'm your lover, I'm your zero,  
I'm the face in your dreams of glass.  
So save your prayers  
For when we're really gonna need'em.  
Throw out your cares and fly  
Wanna go for a ride?”

Zero by The Smashing Pumpkins

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Mac snorted the white powder off the side of his thumb, sucked the residue off, then stared at himself in the reflection of the men's room mirror as the music blared on a Saturday night. He looked like hell in his opinion, all red eyes and rough stubble on his face, but this was his lucky night because there were out of towners there. He had his sights set on one, it was just a matter of turning on the charm and getting her to leave with him. Sometimes he did that if the conditions were right, tonight they were ideal.

He and Lucy were fighting again and it was almost Halloween, they would have eight more months before she was back for the summer and he wasn't sure how long he could take it. If he thought he worried about her before they were intimate, that was nothing compared to the way he worried about her now.

Mac was not the kind of guy that ever had anything good in his life, and he wanted to protect her.

He worried about her well being obsessively sometimes, afraid somehow someone would take her away from him, and he worried she'd run into someone like him. This was another trait he recognized, he knew there was evil in the world, you couldn't be a part of it and not know that. Killers often worried anxiously about the people they loved, if they loved anyone at all, because they knew what could happen to them. They were usually good husbands and good fathers, who worried about their families.

Mac had told her to stay home on Halloween and not go to a party with her friends and she had told him where to go, no big surprise there either. Now he was pissed off and wasted and that always meant trouble for someone. It wouldn't have mattered, tonight a girl was practically dropped in his lap and he was going to take the opportunity with gratitude.

 

“She's the one for me,  
She's all I really need.  
Cause she's the one for me.  
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness.  
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me.”

 

 

Mac walked back out to the main bar and the girl looked up and smiled at him as he approached her. Her name was Debbie, or Danielle, some D name or something, he didn't even know, didn't care. He slid into the chair at the table they had been sitting at before he excused himself to go piss and put his arm around her. The girl leaned in as he whispered something in her ear then they got up, he put his arm around her and they walked outside.

 

“Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness.  
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms,  
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth.  
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship.  
I never let on that I was down.”

 

Out in the canyon, he started out by fucking her nice on the hood of his truck, although that was never the goal. He had given his favorite knife away to Jenny and had yet to replace it. He would eventually, but this time he wanted to try something different.

He slipped his hands around her throat and squeezed after a while and found it both exhilarating and satisfying. He watched his hands on the girl's neck and felt the pulling in his ball sack that meant he was going to cum hard. He could control it too, how much air to cut off to knock her out, then he could wait for her to come to and do it again. Fuck this would be good, he thought and less clean up too.

At first, the girl didn't understand, but then she knew, she had picked up the wrong stranger for a quick fuck. Her hands batted at his chest and face as he tightened his grip and yanked her body around like a rag doll. Mac was way too strong for her to fight off. 

He came hard as she breathed her last breath and was still but he didn't look at her, he looked up at the stars.

 

“You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore  
You blame yourself for wanting more.”

 

He pushed the girl's body off the hood of the truck when he was finally done with her, sat back and lit a cigarette. He was right, prolonging it by choking and letting her come back had been more satisfying than stabbing and he had cum hard too. If there was any cosmic karma out there he knew he was in deep shit. One day karma might decide to bite him in the ass and it was going to hurt. He needed to control himself better, he wondered if he could.

 

///////////////////////////////

“She's the one for me  
She's all I really need.  
She's the one for me,  
She's my one and only.”

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The phone rang and Lucy flopped on her bed as she answered expecting it to be Carla telling her she was on her way. But it wasn't, it was Mac again. It was Halloween and she was about to go out with her friends dressed as Harley Quinn. She had sent Mac a picture and it was unusual for him to be calling her, they had just spoken a few hours ago; he'd bitched about the costume. He didn't want her to wear it but she had told him he could bitch all he wanted but she was going to the party in her costume, case closed.

 

“Hey,” She said into the phone, “You OK?”

“What are you wearing,” He growled into the phone, he didn't sound right, he sounded edgy and maybe that was because he was high, but she didn't think so, he was happy when he smoked pot, “You still got that fuckin costume on dontcha?”

“Mac?” She questioned, “Are you wasted?”

“Afraid so, Lucy loo,” He laughed as he sat up on the hood of the truck in his driveway, “Read me that poem, the in and out of time one.”

Lucy obliged him, and read the entire thing to him. She still couldn't figure out what was different about him, but something was, he was on edge and wound up, not mellow, like when he smoked pot. He sounded angry one minute and sad the next.

“Luce, please be careful tonight.” He murmured.

“Of course I will Mac, I'm going with a group, please don't worry.”

“I'll always worry about you, that's my job.” He sighed, “Do ya gotta wear that outfit?”

“Yes,”

“I wish you wouldn't...”

“You sound like you're my dad not my...” What was he exactly? 

“Call me Papi then.” He laughed. “No, call me big Papi.”

She laughed and then moaned into the phone in her sexiest voice, “Aye big papi give it to me, give it to me good.”

Jesus, she was something else, “Ah, me amore, mi corazon , amante secreto.” Oh, my love, my heart, my secret lover.

“Oh, I love it when you talk that Spanish shit,” She replied, “When are you coming to see me again, I miss you.”

“Don't know, mami” He answered, he called her that sometimes when no one was around.

“Next month, promise, or come for Christmas,” She said excitedly, “I'll kiss you under the mistletoe.”

“In that case, I'll hang it from my belt,” He laughed, “Send me a picture of your tits.”

“You miss me?”

“Of course I miss you, and I miss that rack,” He laughed into the phone, and a few seconds later he got his picture. His eyes went wide and he laughed into the phone, “Thanks, baby.”

“I love you, I'll be careful, I promise.”

“Luce you’re gonna stop loving me when you know what I am,” He was suddenly serious and it made her wonder what he was talking about, she knew about the drugs already and he knew she knew. She knew all his shit and loved him anyway, didn't he know that? What the fuck was he smoking tonight?

“Mac,” she whispered, “Don’t you know by now there isn’t anything in the world that can make me stop loving you.”

But he knew there was something that would do just that. If she knew what he had done to that girl tonight or the others, Mac knew Lucy would hate him and he would lose her forever. He had to get control of it before it was too late.

Mac didn't want her to go out that night, especially because it was Halloween, but he knew he couldn’t control her from so far away; he knew that. But in his mind, that meant he couldn’t protect her either.

“You be good tonight Luce, stay with your girlfriends and don't turn your back on your drink, keep it in your hand.” Look out for guys like me, “I love you.”

 

////////////////////////////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: OK, I know I have referred to Lucy as Mac's Ruca and Heina in previous chapters, these are both Mexican words coined by the band Sublime, or at least made popular by them, here are two quick definitions. 
> 
> The one girl, that you would choose over every other; your true love is your ruca.
> 
> heina - My woman, queen, highness, above all other women. Slang for fine bitch, main bitch.
> 
> Also, a Mexican man would definitely call his woman Mami or Mamma and the women call their men Papi, of course, Mac and Lucy can only do that in secret.


	21. I'm Not a Good Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to love you wildly,  
> I don't want words, but inarticulate cries,  
> meaningless from the bottom of my most primitive being,  
> that flow from my belly like honey.  
> A piercing joy, that leaves me,  
> empty, conquered, silenced.”
> 
> Anis Nin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is Tusk by Fleetwood Mac, I recommend you listen to it with earphones so you can hear all the moaning Lindsay Buckingham is doing in the background ;)

They saw each other six more times before the next summer, each time he would drive out there and they would go to a hotel for the weekend. She had lied to her mother all six times about who she was with and although she didn't like doing that, she had to. Her mother was still asking why Mac drove all the way there in the beginning of the fall and chased her to the mall. Lucy had told her mother that he was chasing parts for the garage and just stopped by to take her to a concert, it was a lame excuse at best and her mother had simply nodded her head.

Lucy wondered if her mother believed her, for the first time in her life she didn't care and she didn't feel guilty. Maybe this would be the thing that separated her and her mother someday, they were very close since her father had passed. But her mother was religious now, more and more she saw a change coming over her mother; she had found god and constantly preached to Lucy about sin.

And Lucy knew all too well that Mac was a big sin.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Lucy always looked forward to summer vacation, now things were different though and this year she couldn't wait to see him, but he wasn't home when she and her mother hit town. That was unusual, Mac always stayed home to wait for her and she was hurt, although she couldn't let her mother or aunt see that. They already thought they were too close and if they knew just how close, it would be a shit storm of epic proportions and she wasn't trying to start that.

She was mad that he wasn't there though, hurt and mad, but mostly hurt, as if he was her boyfriend that stood her up. Your boyfriend is the devil, a voice in the back of her mind whispered.

He was going to get a piece of her mind right away for this, in abundance.

After making small talk with her mother and aunt she took off in her mother's car toward Walter's bar, that was the first place she knew to look for him. Mac had told her never to go there alone unless she was sure Walter was there or he was. He had also known she was coming today and he had not been there to welcome her. It was silly but she was pissed, and he could kiss her ass if he thought she wasn't going to find him and tell him off.

She turned up he mother's sixties music as she bumped down the dirt road and out on the highway to where she knew he would be. She would go wherever she pleased and he couldn't stop her. She rolled the window down and let the wind blow in her hair, her mood was lifting but she was still mad.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Fleetwood Mac blasted through the speakers, and she could hear it when she pulled up, it was seven pm yet still light out and she saw his red truck there right out front; what a fucking dick he was. She stomped out the cigarette she was smoking under her boot and headed towards the door.

Mac and Martin were sitting at the bar when she walked in and as the door slammed she could feel all eyes on her, except for his. The bar was crowded and smelled like smoke and sweat, the music was blasting and it was filled with strangers. Maybe this had been a bad idea, Walter nodded at her from behind the bar, and she relaxed a little at seeing a familiar face.

Her uncle nodded his head in Mac's direction knowing that was who she was looking for.

 

*******Why don't you tell me what's going on, why don't you tell me who's on the phone...*****

 

“Whoa, look at that new piece of gash just walked in,” Martin said with a whistle and then Mac turned and laid eyes on her. She was in a short pleated skirt, t-shirt, and boots and although she looked amazing this was not the place he wanted her to dress like that. Then he realized all the men were looking at her and some of the women, he gulped down his whiskey and turned back to Martin with fire in his eyes. Those fucking boots she had on were knee-high, big and clunky and he couldn't wait to have them around his waist, but he knew Martin was thinking the exact same thing and that enraged him.

“That's fucking Lucy, put your eyes back in your head.” Mac growled as she came across the room towards him, “You so much as look in her direction it's gonna be the last thing you do.”

“Jealous, much,” Mac grabbed Martin by the shirt. Lucy was, and always would be off limits, Mac would not share her with any of them. Martin had poked the snake on purpose just to see what would happen, every once in a while he liked to do that, just to see if it was still on with those two. It was.

“You two belong on Jerry Springer.” He said as Mac let go of his shirt, pushed him down into his chair and turned to look at her.

“Fuck off will ya? “ Mac said without looking back at Martin and flipped him off as he stood up to meet her.

 

****Why don't you ask him what's going on, why don't you ask him who's the latest on his throne****

 

As his eyes raked over her and he felt the familiar stirring in his gut that only she gave him; he closed the distance between them in a flash and grabbed her by the arm without saying a word. Lucy opened her mouth to say something, then stopped as he dragged her down the hall and out the back door. Still, without saying a word he pushed her up against the wall and pressed against her, sliding his hands over her ribs and up to her neck where his thumbs landed on her cheeks.

He brought his face close to hers as if he was going to kiss her.

“Told ya not to come here,” He growled and she could hear the music bouncing sound off her back as he picked her up so that her legs were around his waist, just like he wanted, “You don't listen good.”

“I wasn't sitting around all night waiting for you to show up when you goddamn please,” Lucy replied, “You're a fucking prick.”

He loved when she mouthed off at him like that, “Shut up Lucy.” He grabbed her thighs and his fingers swiped over the boots she wore, they were fuckin A.

“Next time don't make me come looking for you.”

“Next time wait till I get home.”

Then his mouth crashed onto hers and his tongue invaded her mouth, he tasted like whiskey and cigarettes and she moaned as her mouth was filled up with him, and he groaned loudly, pulling her against him. It had been a long time since they had seen each other and although he was hellfire mad at her, he had to touch her too.

“I don't want all these motherfuckers looking at you,” He pushed his hips against her roughly and she moaned again, digging her hands into his hair, “Don't ever come in here dressed like that again, don't ever come here period.”

“I wore it for you,” She gasped out as he pushed his dick against her and bit at her neck, oh it felt so good, “And you like it, admit it.”

“Nobody gets to look at you except me Lucy, you got that,” He growled grasping her hips firmly, “You been a good girl all year or what? I could punish you if you weren't,” Mac rolled his hips against hers letting her feel what he had to offer, “No one looks at you but me, no one touches you but me. You got a problem with that?” He reached down between them and slid his fingers into her panties; to his delight she was wet.

“No,” She whispered, he had changed again, she thought to herself. He was rougher with her and she liked it.

He rolled his hips against her again for effect and watched her eyes get glassy; between his dick pressing against her, the music and his touch Lucy was on sensory overload. Then his hands were on her breasts and he'd pinched her nipples causing her to arch her back and moan loud enough for him to hear it over the music.

“You sure? I’m the black sheep of the family, I’m sure you know,” He grinned against the skin of her neck and bit her again as he worked her over good with his fingers.

This was why she chased him down the minute she hit town, she needed what he gave her and what he made her feel, her life lacked emotion and depth, except in the summers with him. She was seventeen now and she knew what she wanted, if he wanted to fuck her right now she'd let him.

 

*****Don't say that you love me, just tell me that you want me*****

 

Then his lips touched hers again in one of those dirty kisses that kept her up at night all winter missing him, he threw his entire being into it, from his lips to his body always and now she was addicted. One hand gripped and scratched her arm hard, the other worked on sending her into oblivion; he pushed his fingers inside of her and watched her head fall back against the wood of the building and her eyes closed. Lucy hadn't been expecting this when she walked into the bar, she knew he'd be mad that she came here, but she wasn't expecting this.

“You been a good girl?” He moaned into her ear.

“Yes, of course, I promised you.”

“Then stop dressing like a whore, Lucy,” He slid his thumb over her clit and gripped her ass with his other hand to hold her up as she started to fall apart, “Tonight I’m going to fuck you till you can’t remember who you are and you never forget who I am.” 

And that was it, the rasp of his voice was all she needed and the wave hit her as she buried her face in his chest and screamed. After she finished trembling in his arms he set her down on the pavement then pushed her to her knees.

“Now suck it,” He demanded and loosened his buckle, Lucy did as she was told and was acutely aware that the scales had just tipped in their relationship.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

He walked her to her car after and leaned against it, lighting his cigarette and handing it to her. They watched the sun go down over the canyon and she couldn't hide the fact that she was happy to be there. Each year drew out longer and longer, even though he sometimes visited her in LA now, she missed him when they weren't together. “Money” by Pink Floyd blared from the bar now as they stood there and Lucy hummed along.

“Don't give me that do goody good bullshit,” They both said together, as children they used to laugh and snicker at that line and they still smiled at each other when they said it.

They were silent for a long time and then she spoke.

“I did wear this for you.” Lucy looked down at her black skirt and black t-shirt.

Mac smiled, “And I liked it.”

“I noticed,” She laughed.

“We are so fucked up,” He said, looking over the horizon.

“So you keep saying,”

“Well, here's to being fucked up and getting well fucked.” He said with a wink.

“I'm not going to sit around all summer waiting for you. I'm telling you right now,” She said.

“I got no problem with that, I know you and Carolina are tight, hang with her if ya want. What I do have is a problem with you coming here.” He replied, “Do not come here by yourself.”

“I figured Walter was here, he always is.”

“Don't matter,” He took a drag on the cigarette, “There's a lot of new people around now, a lot of new stuff going on and I don't want you here alone.”

She nodded, she understood that, “Why weren't you home when I got there, you always are.”

“I was on my way, had something to do for Walter, and I couldn't get out of it.” He replied, “Didn't think you'd go all postal over it.”

“You should know me by now,” She laughed and held her hand out for the cigarette, he placed it between her fingers. He couldn't argue with that, she was a ball of fire when she was riled up about something.

“I suppose I should,” He laughed as she took a drag of the cigarette and he looked down at her feet at the already dusty boots, “Like your new boots though.”

“Yeah, I thought you would.” She crossed her foot over her opposite ankle and smiled.

“Really? What exactly are ya sayin Luce,” He slid his eyes over to hers.

“It's a roll of the dice if a guy has a shoe thing, figured you did.” She replied with a grin.

“You bring other shoes?” He asked casually, but his eyes gave him away, they had turned dark again, the way he looked at her sometimes before he pounced on her and she smiled as he held his hand out for the cigarette.

“Maybe,” She turned to him, “You'll have to come home and find out.”

“I was just heading that way as a matter of fact,”

Lucy nodded, “I figured.”

“You think you know me that well?” He took a drag on the cigarette and blew the smoke up over his head, making smoke rings. Who was he kidding, she did know him that well and she knew how to manipulate and push his buttons.

“I know I do.”

“Maybe you do but you need to remember; I'm not a good person Lucy,” He looked her dead in the eye, “You should always remember that.”

“You're good enough for me.”


	22. Dirty White Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy continue bickering. Also new tags ;)

“Hey, baby are you feelin down,  
I know what's good for you all day.  
Are you worried what your friends see?  
And will it ruin your reputation loving me?  
'Cause I'm a dirty white boy.” 

Dirty White Boy by Foreigner

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Lucy was sitting on the front steps reading a book and taking notes in a notebook when Mac peeled into the driveway kicking up red dust in a cloud that reached all the way to her. She looked up as he jumped out of the truck and came towards her with a determined step. He was still riled up about her coming to the bar, she could tell. But she stood up and smiled at him, even though he was on edge she smiled still; it was always best to smile at him.

“I'm locked out,” she said.

“I know,” He pulled out his keys and jammed them into the door. “I sent them out to eat, now get in my room,” He commanded, “I want you in my bed for once instead of fucking in the truck.”

“As you wish your majesty,” Lucy teased as she walked through the doorway and he smacked her ass hard, “Fuck Mac! That hurt.”

He followed her down the hall impatiently and eased her into his room gently as he settled down, now that they were alone. It had been stupid of him to fuck around with her in public, but he couldn't help it. They hadn't seen each other in months, but they were alone now, and he was calmer.

She leaned down to unzip her boots, being sure to give him a nice view of her ass, and he pulled her hand away from the zipper, “Oh no you don't, leave them on.”

“Freak,” She laughed as he ran his hand over her ass as she stood up.

He turned to the door and locked it then came towards her and his gaze burned into her as he pushed her onto the bed, “You love it.” Mac sat down and pulled her by the ankles toward him and flopped her over his lap face down.

“What are you doing?” She laughed.

“Shhhhhh,” He ran his hand over her boots, up the back of her thigh to her ass, “You got this coming...”

Mac stared down at her sweet round ass; she had filled out nicely, put on a little weight and it looked good on her. He lifted her skirt without hesitation and yanked down her panties.

“You’re fucking crazy,” She laughed as his hand came down on her bare ass.

“Oh, fuck Mac,” She groaned and squirmed around on his lap, she could feel liquid pooling between her legs already, being with him was always a sexual adventure.

Already his dick was aching and now she was moving all over him. He had not planned this one out so well, a first for him; he didn't know how much this was going to turn him on, but he should have.

“Stay still,” He demanded, smack.

“Mmmmmmmm,” She moaned; smack and then again, Lucy's moans were unlike any he had heard from her before and she was making his dick throb, “I was a bad girl.”

Mac smacked her two more times, rubbed his hand over her reddened skin, then reached down and ran his hand over her boot again, “Yeah you were.”

He had meant this as a joke, a spanking for going to the bar, but it wasn't that now. She was into it just as much as he was, not only that, she was thrashing herself around on his lap trying to make him lose it.

“Lay still, or I'm not gonna let you cum.” He warned.

He lay a few more smacks on her ass till it was nice and red with the outline of his fingers starting to show and he was overcome with lust. He leaned down and sunk his teeth into her ass just hard enough and not breaking the skin.

“Mmmmmmmm,” She moaned again.

“Love seeing my hand prints on that ass,” He groaned then slid his fingers down between her legs, “Fuck me, Lucy! You’re soaked, you like it, you fucking dirty girl.”

Then his hand came down on her ass again as his fingers swept over her clit then dipped inside of her.

“Oh God Mac!” She moaned, “Oh fuck!”

“You like that baby?”

“Yes, give it to me again.” And he slid his finger in circles the way she liked it over her swollen clit, “Goddammit, I love you.”

“Don’t cum Lucy,” He warned as he rubbed her ass, smacked again until she was writhing on his lap against his dick again, “Don’t!”

“Please,” She begged, “Please.” She moved her leg trying to get his hand where she needed it and he smacked her thigh, ran his fingers over her boot again, then back inside her again, letting the sound of her moans stoke the fire inside him. Just as she was teetering on the edge and about to fall apart, he pulled his fingers away from her and licked each one then shoved two fingers into her mouth.

“Not till I say you can, now suck,” He instructed, “Suck em clean and maybe you’ll get off tonight.”

He watched as she sucked his fingers and swirled her tongue around them, she always gave him a show. It made him want to be inside her immediately, but he was going to drag it out, just because she had been so obstinate already.

Slowly he brought his fingers down to her pussy again and Lucy moaned loud, “Oh god I need it!”

“I said no,” He growled, his dick was throbbing now and he was not going to hold back tonight, when he finally fucked her, he was going to fuck her into the mattress, “You ever gonna go there again?” He slid his fingers achingly slow over her skin and he was burning her up. Sweat was breaking out on her forehead and running down through her hair mixing with the sweat that dripped off Mac's head and onto her back.

“No,” She pleaded, “Please Mac.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” She groaned.

“Good girl,” He moaned, making tiny circles around her clit the way he knew she liked, because he knew her now, “You want me to fuck you tonight?”

“Yes! Yes,” She spread her legs wider on his lap and he allowed it this time. He glided his fingers faster the way she wanted him to and she started to shake.

“You want my cock in you, Lucy?” He pushed two fingers inside her and watched them moving in and out of her.

“Mmmmmm...” She moaned, “Been waiting a fuck long time for it.”

“Well, tonight’s your lucky night,” Suddenly Mac flipped her over onto her back, pushed her legs back, feeling her leather boots under his fingers and before she could react his face was buried in her pussy, where he proceeded to lick and tease her until she was melting into the bed.

She came loud, she’d forgotten they weren’t out in the canyon where she could scream as loud as she wanted but he just laughed as he shucked off his pants.

“You ready?” He pulled her legs apart and stared down at her, she was flushed and breathing heavily, beautiful. 

“I’m ready,” She spread her legs wider.

He came down in his knees and pulled her legs over his and leaned down, kissed her and rubbed his dick at her entrance. Now he was going to tease the shit out of her just for spite, even though every fiber in his being wanted to be buried inside her to the hilt.

“For Christ sake, Mac, do it and do it hard.”

His dick was about to explode like he was thirteen when she said shit like that and she didn’t have to tell him twice, finally, he pushed inside her slowly, he always treated himself by entering her slowly, there was nothing better than that, “Oh fuck me, Lucy! God dammit,” He pressed his body down on hers and kissed her nasty as he began to move inside her; he'd never felt this way inside any other girl, not like this, and it was every time with her.

She moved against him, wrapped her legs and those fucking boots around his hips and that undid him. He was breathing heavier now and watching her, “You ok?” He panted.

“More, I want more...” She cried, “Oh god, I missed this.”

“Good?” He asked.

“So good,...oh so good.”

“I ain’t gonna last long baby you’re so fucking tight.”

She met him thrust for thrust, fucking him as hard as he was fucking her now and dug her nails into his back, “Not like all the whores around here huh?”

“Fuck. No. Lucy. “ He pulled almost all the way out of her then pushed back in with every word he said. He watched her breasts shake with his movements as he thrust harder now and he could feel it coming. This was something he had only dared to think about a short time ago and now she was his, he watched her breasts again, willing it to be burned into his mind forever.

She screamed again and this time he felt her tight walls flutter around his cock and it was so good he couldn't hold back the scream that came from his own mouth as he shot his load inside her.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” He groaned and collapsed on top of her. They laid there for a few minutes catching their breath, both full of sweat, and he pulled the blanket over them.

“I think this is going to be a great summer,” She said with a laugh and he rolled them over so he was on top of her and laughed along with her.

 

////////////////////////////////////

 

“Hello my friend, we meet again,  
It's been awhile, where should we begin?  
Feels like forever.  
Within my heart are memories,  
Of perfect love that you gave to me  
Oh, I remember.”

My Sacrifice by Creed

 

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Walter didn't exactly approve of underage drinking, but there were times when Mac and his friends would sneak beers out behind the bar in the summertime. There were tables and chairs and Rosie had strung up fairy lights out there for when people wanted to sit outside. There was a table way in the back almost in the shadows and that's where they sat playing quarter bounce, away from the customers and out of sight should a police cruiser go by. As long as they didn't get too rowdy and plowed Walter usually didn't interfere.

The old rock and roll that usually played inside the bar carried out there, they knew all the songs from years of being around the place. It was dark, but the fairy lights lit the area and one of the girls brought candles that they set on the table. The entire group they usually hung with showed up that night, along with some new kids that were there for the summer. Around the table sat Mac, with Lucy next to him, then Martin, and a few others from the group.

Marco, Esmeralda, Chelsea, Carolina, Harley, Stanley and the infamous puta buton Becky Marsh, who did not have the clap but who would be the first of them to get pregnant sat on the other side. As Mac lit his cigarette and then turned the lighter towards Lucy to light hers, again he was memorialized by the flame. There was something about fire, he loved it; it was almost sexy. It illuminated her face in a soft glow and he had to be careful of looking too long at her.

As the quarters got tossed and people had to drink, Mac looked over at the doorway and Walter was there, he wasn't exactly scowling, but Mac could tell he was not pleased. Mac shrugged and took the drink that Martin just bounced a quarter into and pointed at him. Walter laughed as he watched the game, Martin was a shark with quarter bounce and everyone always ended up wasted when they played with him. He would bounce the quarter and land it in the glass, point to someone, saying “You drink,” then continue, landing each and every quarter, and making each person drink at the table.

“You drink, Lucy.”

Then he'd bounce another quarter as Lucy drank.

“You drink, Harley.”

Then he'd bounce another.

“You drink, Carolina.”

He went around the table twice and made everyone drink before he missed and rebounded a quarter into the woods behind them. By the time he was done, everyone was half wreaked already.

Walter came out and pulled Mac aside just to let them know to keep it down, their laughter and conversation was getting louder the more they drank. He would shut this down if they couldn't keep their yaps shut.

“Alright, the old man says to keep it down,” Mac relayed the message, “I'm not trying to piss him off and lose our...”

“I'd like to see you keep it down,” Chelsea interrupted and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke in the direction of his face across the table. She had been eyeing him all night, but as usual he was only paying attention to Lucy, “Or are you already,” She glanced over at Lucy who was trying to sink her quarter into the glass across the table. It was unclear if she had heard what the other girl said, but she missed her shot just the same.

“Ha! You missed Lucy take a drink.” Harley laughed and Lucy chugged the whole glass, then sat it down and wiped the back of her hand across her face.

“Such a lady,” Chelsea mumbled, there was no love lost between the two girls ever since Mac had ditched her to aid Lucy the year before when Martin dosed her. Chelsea was pretty sure there was something unsavory going on with Mac and Lucy, something gross.

She had cornered Lucy the day before, in the pharmacy with questions and as usual got nothing of any use. It was typical for her, she was just a wild pot stirrer, a mean girl.

They were a small group, there weren't a lot of kids in the town, everyone was in each other's business and at one time or another in each other's pants. Mac ignored the girl's comment, and hoped to hell she would just shut up. 

He'd fucked every girl at the table and two of the customers that were out there on the patio at the time. Most of the guys there had too, except for Lucy. He looked over to see if she had heard and she was deep in conversation with Stanley and Carolina and laughing.

“Aw Chelsea,” Harley slurred, and slid his arm around her and she snuck out from under it just as fast.

“Your drunk Harl,” She laughed.

“So are you,” He stood up and pulled her to her feet, “Dance?”

The girl smiled wide and stood up to allow him to pull her into a slow dance that they staggered through. Lucy got up and excused herself to go to the bathroom and Carolina followed her. As they stood in the small mirror fixing their hair and makeup Carolina asked her if she heard Chelsea's comments.

“I didn't, and I don't really care,” Lucy replied.

“She was talking about you.”

“Let her talk,” Lucy said, “I don't give a fuck what she thinks.”

“And Mac,” Carolina said as she applied some lipstick, “She’s just jealous cause he picked you over her.”

Lucy met her eyes in the mirror, “What?”

Carolina knew, Lucy didn’t know how but she did.

“You know, last summer when Martin slipped you the mickey?” Carolina said quickly.

“Oh,” Lucy replied with relief, “Right.”

“She doesn’t get it.” Carolina stumbled over her words, “You’re his family, of course, he’d look out for you.”

The look of relief on Lucy's face was obvious and Carolina was sure it was like that with them. She had thought so for a long time, and she didn’t care, she liked Lucy and Mac wasn’t into her nor she him; he had called her Lucy once at a really inconvenient time. That had told her all she needed to know, Carolina wasn't interested in someone that had another girl on their mind.

Lucy shrugged, “Let her talk about him too, she's got a big mouth and one day I'm gonna put my foot up her ass.” And with that, she was out the door and smack into Walter's huge chest.

“Hey, el hefe,” Boss man. She smiled up at him, “You get that karaoke machine yet?” 

“Not happening little one,” He said with a grin, “Who's ass is that little foot going up.”

“Anyone who pisses me off,” She slurred and then Mac was behind her with his hands on her shoulders rubbing softly.

“Think you've had enough princess,” Mac said with a laugh, “I'll get her home.”

Walter nodded and watched as the two of them said goodnight to their friends and started the two-mile long walk home. That was one of Walters rules, if they came there and drank any alcohol at all, no one was allowed to drive. While they were young he intended to see that they developed good habits or at least didn't blatantly break the law and draw attention to his place.

 

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	23. The Cycle of the Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's lots of music ahead, beware. :)

When you are with me, I am free, I am careless, I believe.

My Sacrifice by Creed

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When they were far enough away from the bar and way in the dark of the road he reached for her hand. They did that sometimes if there was no one around that summer. It was hard to act like nothing was going on, but necessary and accepted by both of them. It was what it was. They could only hold hands if they were sure they were alone, because of people like Chelsea. They had to sneak out in the truck to have sex, unless no one was home at his house, and go far out into the canyon where no one would see them.

“You should ignore her you know?”

“She's a fucking bitch, nobody else you fucked acts like that.” She complained, “It's good dick though and you don't see me being an asshole to everyone.”

“Wow, you are so drunk.” He laughed.

“Yup,” Lucy laughed, “I'm fuckin wasted.”

“I can tell,” He laughed again, and decided to play along with her, “Told ya it was.”

“No, you said it was above average,” She grinned, “I concur, by the way, way above average.”

“How do you know?”

“Wouldn't you like to know?” She laughed again with a smile and swung their arms as they walked.

“Yeah, I do wanna know.” He stopped dead in the road and pulled her closer by the hand.

She just smiled at him and moved away, still holding his hand, “Research is all.”

“What kind of research?” His voice went up slightly, he wasn't so sure he liked this game she was playing with him.

Then Lucy grinned, “Gotcha.” Then she laughed, “Still an easy mark.”

They started walking again, still holding hands.

“You ain't mad at me?”

She shook her head, “This town is incestuous, pardon the pun.”

“Pardoned,” He said with a quirk of his eyebrow at her choice of words.

“I know how it is, everyone in each others business, in each other's shit, not many choices. It's like a dead end, from the road to nowhere. I'm not gonna be able to change decades of pathology.”

“It's interesting that you say that.”

“It's a fact, I'm not trying to beat my head against a wall, maybe one day things will change...” She sighed.

She stopped and looked up at the sky, the stars were bright and beautiful as always.

“I'm so glad to be back though,” She whispered and he kissed her then as they stood in the middle of the road.

“Luce, do you think people are born evil, or do you think they're made that way?” He asked when they started walking again.

“Evil?” She asked, “Evil how, like...”

“Like serial killer evil, people that have no remorse or empathy, no conscious.”

“I think that no one is 100% good or 100% evil.” She explained, “How they got the way they are could be many things combined, a perfect stew of environment and genetics maybe?”

They were quiet for a few minutes then he asked, “Do you think a person like that could change if they wanted to?”

“It's hard to say, I think anyone can make a decision about their life, good or bad and act upon it, like quitting smoking. I mean look at the historical serial killers, I don't think one of them wanted to change, they stopped because they got caught, right? Or else they would keep doing what they were doing? So if a person did want to change, maybe they aren't in that classification at all.”

“You think?”

“Yea, I do.”

“Thanks, Luce,” He said as they continued walking.

“For what?”

“For being you.”

 

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Killers worked in cycles, he was aware of that, almost all the books said so. Some had a long one that stretched out over years and some had very short ones. Mac's was short, he was seasonal, like the Zodiac; the fall was his worst time when she left and the air was cold again. He had a cycle too, he knew it and he never failed.

He wasn't a stalker, he knew people did that, but he didn't, he was more of a random opportunistic killer. He would go out with the intention to do harm, yes, but it was always random and in the moment, and it never failed him.

Was it his charm or his finesse, both probably; he wasn’t sloppy he was meticulous and ditching his friends in favor of solo pursuits was the best decision he had ever made. Walter was cracking down on what went on in the cave anyway so this was a necessary separation. And he liked it better, no audience, and no one would know.

He thought about if he wanted to change like he had asked Lucy. He wasn't really sure, but he did think about it, so maybe he wasn't such a lost cause as he thought. As a young teen, noticing how different he was had been devastating, yet he embraced himself and his deviance as he got older. Except when Lucy was there and she made him want something more.

But without a doubt when it was cold and the days got darker earlier, so did he. It was like a kind of madness descended as the days got shorter. Soon he would experiment and see how long he could go, see if he could break the cycle somehow.

Lucy made him want to be a better person, that was the thing. Now that she had moved into a different position in his life he started thinking about more than just how he felt in the moment. Now he was thinking of the future, and of her. For the first time in his life, he realized how his actions could affect another person. Having that knowledge didn't matter a damn if you didn't act upon it though.

When he was a kid it seemed like the winter was so long and the summer so short, now it was worse. As he pulled up outside the house and honked the horn two days after Lucy had gone home, he tried to push her from his mind as he watched Chelsea coming down the front steps of her house.

He didn't even want to be there, he didn't even like Chelsea all that much.

 

////

 

Walter pulled him aside one day in early September after he had taken Sylvia to a doctor's appointment that afternoon. Mac hadn't even known about it until Walter told him. Sylvia and Walter had made peace finally and Mac was pleased by that, they weren't breaking bread together, but they talked some and that was good. But his father taking his mother to a doctor was strange, even for them. Mac could tell by the look on Walter's face that something was up when he showed back up just before seven o'clock.

Mac and his mother had been getting along much better lately, she was more patient and didn't hassle him much anymore and he was about to find out why. Walter sat two shot glasses down on the bar and poured them each some Jack. There were just a few customers sitting down at the other end out of earshot and it was clear that this was not a business talk. This was family business, the kind of family business you needed to do shots first before you spoke of it.

“Have a seat, son,” Walter sat down at the bar and Mac sat down next to him.

“What's up?” Mac asked, lighting a cigarette.

“Took your Mom to Salt Lake City today, I know you know that,” He started, and then stopped as he took his drink in one swallow, “She had to get checked into the hospital.”

Mac took his shot, he knew whatever Walter said next was not going to be good and he didn't want to hear it.

“It's Cancer, Mac...”

“Bad?”

“She has a year, maybe less...” He answered, “They wanted to do some tests, we can go get her the day after tomorrow.”

“Alright,” Mac said, still trying to process the information, there were so many questions he had, yet he could only come up with one, “Why was it you that took her?”

“She's still your mother, Mac,” Walter answered and Mac was never really sure but he could swear he saw his father's eyes getting wet as he said that.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Two days later Lucy and her mother were back for a long weekend, they flew into the nearest airport instead of driving like they usually did and rented a car. This was a trip planned in a hurry and there was no time to waste driving twelve hours when you could fly in two.

It was good to have her back but it was bittersweet, the circumstances were shitty, there was no way around that. Lucy and Sheila helped Sylvia get settled after her hospital stay, went grocery shopping and picked up her prescriptions. She came home with a lot of medications and very little hope, she was only 48 years old.

Sheila could do little else but sit by her younger sister's bed and hold her hand as she slept. Life was so cruel, Sylvia would never get out of this town the way she had, Sylvia was going to die here, where she was born. It just wasn't right and life was so unfair.

That night Mac and Lucy laid out in the hammock he put up in the backyard and it was dark enough that no one would see them. They laid there looking up at the stars in the sky, passing a joint back and forth in silence, there wasn't much to say really. She sat between his legs and lay her head on his chest as he played with her hair, and held her tight in his arms; they didn't talk at all, they didn't need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :)


	24. Can You Take Me Higher?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a big Creed fan, their music is sad and haunting, and it fits this story so well. Thank you for your patience with all my music stuff, I'm posting two chapters together because they go hand in hand I think :) :).

“When dreaming I'm guided to another world  
Time and time again.  
At sunrise, I fight to stay asleep  
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place.  
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape  
From the life, I live when I'm awake.  
So let's go there  
Let's make our escape  
Come on, let's go there  
Let's ask can we stay?  
Can you take me higher?  
To the place where blind men see  
Can you take me higher?  
To the place with golden streets.”

Higher by Creed

 

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Lucy went back to LA after the unscheduled visit to start her senior year of high school. She had worked the previous winter, had saved every cent she made towards her goal, and Mac gave her money as well to buy a car. Now she drove her friends around instead of the other way around, and it had started out as a good year for her. The worries from last fall were gone, she had taken the precautions to be sure there were no little Macs and they didn't fight too much that year. Mac was still blindsided by his mother's diagnosis for the first few months until the medication she was on started to work. She eventually achieved remission, but it was Lymphoma and eventually, it would take her, they knew it wouldn't last.

A few times during that fall and winter he drove out to see her, Lucy wasn't allowed to drive out of state so it was on him if they saw each other during the year and they did. True to his desire and fantasy he took her around and they held hands like a real couple. They walked with their arms around each other like it was nothing out in public in LA, they were free.

Lucy hadn't bothered to pretend she was with someone else that year, her mother knew she was with him. Because her sister was so sick, Sheila didn't ask too many questions, it seemed pointless to her, and maybe she didn't want the answer anyway. Mac and Lucy had always leaned heavily on each other all their lives, she figured he needed Lucy even more now.

That was very true.

Lucy thought her mother must have known something was going on because Mac would show up on a Friday night and they would disappear until Sunday night. They always made excuses, a concert or festival, but in reality, they were holed up in the hotel ten minutes down the road.

He was there on Halloween, by his design; Mac pulled her into the hotel room the minute they got there and pressed her up against the closed door, unable to keep his hands off her another minute. He'd made sure she wasn't out in her car dressed as God knew what, with god knew who this time, Mac made sure Lucy was with him on Halloween that year. He hadn't slept a wink last Halloween worrying about her.

“Tell me you missed me.” He kissed down her neck, hot open mouthed kisses that were burning her alive already and slid his hand under her shirt. For months he tried the figure out why his hunger for her was so intense, the need. There were plenty of girls around where he lived that were all too willing to fuck him. What compelled him to drive all this way when he could and did get laid plenty at home?

The answer was, they weren’t her, they didn't feel like her, and they didn't make him feel.

“I missed you,” She pulled at his shirt and worked the buttons with deft fingers, “You made my favorite holiday even better.”

He took her hand and pulled her to him, lifting her up and setting her down on the dresser. They pulled at each other's clothes as if they couldn’t wait another minute and maybe that was true.

“Well, that's what I'm here for.”

Mac pulled her boots off and ran his hands up her thighs and under her skirt. It had been months since they saw each other and the desire was so overwhelming. He yanked her panties down and pulled her against him, letting out a groan of relief.

“You want it?” He placed his forehead on hers and looked into her eyes.

“Yes,” She whispered.

“You sure,” He teased, bringing his lips to her neck, running his nose along her skin, and inhaling deeply, his hands dug into her hair, “Love the way you smell.”

He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, Mac tossed her on the bed and climbed on top of her, rolling her onto her stomach. He came up behind her, pulling her hands up and instructing her to hold on to the headboard.

“Hold on tight baby.” He moaned into her ear and pressed his rock hard cock against her thigh, “Mmmmmmm,” Mac slid his fingers between her legs, and against her slippery flesh pushing two inside her. He held her down on her stomach, attacking her pussy from behind, he was all lips and tongue against her slippery flesh and she sighed out loud. Then he added fingers to the mix.

Lucy groaned as his thumb rubbed lightly against her clit, then she heard him shucking off his pants, and the clank of his buckle hitting the floor. That sound always went through her in the best way and made her stomach nose dive like she was on a roller coaster. He was back on top of her, pressing into her back with his lips to her ear, “Don't let go of that headboard Lucy,” Then he was inside her, “Te quiero con toda mi alma,” I love you with all my soul. 

“Estoy desesperadamente enamorada de ti,” I'm hopelessly in love with you. Lucy moaned as his lips came down along her neck and his hand made it's way around front to stroke her into a frenzy.

“Don't let go,” He moaned into her ear, moving slowly in and out of her, but keeping her on her stomach and not letting her move under him. She wiggled her ass against him, it was the only thing she could do; he was fucking her so slow he was breaking out in a sweat. His fingers moved just as slow against her and she moaned in frustration as he fucked and fingered her slow but steady.

Then she was cumming so hard it was like seeing the stars above her eyes in the canyon, then complete white behind her eyes and he followed after her, screaming her name and collapsing on top of her.

 

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“You filled out any college applications yet?” He asked as they lay together on their stomachs across the bed smoking after an almost successful attempt to break the bed. It had only been two months since they had seen each other, but the way they had just thrown each other around the bed was like they had been apart for years.

“I dunno,” She shrugged. Lucy wanted to be with him after graduation, but she knew he wouldn’t like it. College had always been a goal, but love was all she could think about sometimes.

“You should, you’re smart as hell,” He passed the cigarette to her, “I could see you majoring in chemistry and one day opening a shop for your perfumes.”

“Chemistry huh?” She snickered and he rolled his eyes at her, it was the family business after all.

She had been offered a scholarship to a school on the east coast for Chemistry. Did her mother tell him? Of course, she did, she was proud of Lucy for getting a free ride at college. Of course, she would brag to Sylvia who would, in turn, tell Mac.

“She told you didn’t she?”

“Yeah,” He answered with a grin, “ Runs in the family I guess, right?”

Lucy laughed at that, the grin on his face when he was playful like that with her was priceless and so rare.

“I’m not going all the way to NJ,” She said, “I’m just not.”

“Then go here, the important thing is you go.”

“What about you?” She rolled closer to him so they were face to face, she reached out her hand to touch his cheek, “Why don't you go?”

“Luce I didn’t graduate high school. You know that.”

She knew; they had a rip-roaring fight over it when she found out that he'd dropped out to work for Walter full time, he was so god damn smart, and he was wasting away in that town.

“What are you going to keep working for Walter the rest of your life?”

He rolled them over suddenly and settled himself between her legs, running his hands over her ribs, then leaning down and kissing across her chest.

“It’s that job that helped buy your car and pays for these hotels, don’t knock it.”

“I want to come live with you.“

“Yeah, I want you to,” He answered, “All summer so I won’t have to keep hauling my ass out here.”

“No,” She continued, “I want to move there for good.”

“No way.”

“Why not?”

“There's nothing there for you.”

“But that's where you are, I want to be with you.”

He brushed her hair from her face, “You should do what's best for you and go to...”

“You're whats best for me.” Lucy interrupted, “Or you could get your GED, and go with me?”

It made him angry that she was being stubborn but secretly pleased that she believed in him. Lucy couldn't come live there, he knew she would never get out if she did. There was no future there for her and maybe not for him either, but that was his problem and Mac wasn't making it her problem too. He wanted her with him, saying no to her was the hardest thing he ever did.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

In the morning Mac woke up to something he had never experienced before. Lucy was under the covers with his dick in her mouth and her hand on his balls, he sat up with a start at first, the realized what she was doing. Morning head was not something you got when you never spent the night with anyone. He laid back down with a smile on his face and dug his hands into her hair then pulled the blankets off to watch.

“What's this?” He moaned, “A morning dick sucking? Is it my birthday?”

“Your birthday is in March...” She poked her head up and smiled at him, “So no...”

“I'm aware, Luce,” He laughed and dug his hands in her hair more, “I also think I'm being set up.”

“I'm sure I don't know what you mean,” She laughed.

“I'm sure you do,” He looked down and watched her kissing and licking his stomach.

“It's just,” She brought her hand up over his thigh to grasp his cock, “We could do this all year round if...”

“You're going to college...”

“Alright then,” She let go and started to sit up  
.  
“Don't you dare,” He laughed, “Finish what you started.” He laughed and pushed her head back down.

“Come to college with me,” She laughed, “We could get our own place...”

“Sorry Luce, I can't hear you with my dick in your mouth.” He threw the blanket back over her head and laid back on the pillows.

 

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Saying goodbye was always the hardest part for Lucy. They would stand in the parking lot of the hotel and hold each other as if they would never see each other again. They would kiss enough to last a few months; then he would take her home and not even get a goodbye kiss there, kisses in front of her house were not wise. All they could do is stare at each other then and they both hated these goodbyes.

But goodbye it always was and she did go to school, just like he wanted her to, Mac always got his way. 

 

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	25. Fist Full of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a four-year time jump here. This story would be way too long otherwise and I already think its too long LOL.

Chapter Text  
“Please come now I think I'm falling,  
I'm holding on to all I think is safe.  
It seems I found the road to nowhere,  
And I'm trying to escape.

One Last Breath by Creed

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Four years had passed since Mac made that crazy drive to California for the first time, life went on as normal, and his mother went into remission. Since then there had been many more fights with Lucy and many trips back and forth from Utah to California. Lucy started college in Los Angeles and still came to visit with her mother every summer. Walter was still aware of the change that came over his son every June and still got the best work out of him then. As long as nothing changed Walter was satisfied, he was better in the winter too most of the time, Walter had no complaints. If Mac mad the effort to stay off the crank he was a different person, that was just a fact.

It had been four years since he killed someone, that last girl he strangled in the canyon, and the experiment was on. Mac was trying to see if he was truly evil or just mad impulsive. The thoughts were there still, they were a part of him and he struggled not to act upon them sometimes. But in his mind that was a success, it had become too easy to kill and he went into remission too.

It was the movie he saw that tipped him over the edge, the one where the killer asked, “If I am capable of good, am I capable of evil too?” He had never seen The Vanishing before, but it was on one night and he was bored, so he watched. After, it gave him so much to think about, was he capable of good then? Because he was capable of great evil. Was he capable of stopping?

Could he do it for her? For himself?

Watching that movie had changed his life, and he had watched it with Lucy too and after it was over they talked about it, just like they talked about everything; it was the main character's unwavering search to know what happened to his girl that fascinated Mac. They talked about good and evil and the world they lived in. Mac would always warn her about the tricks men used, like the fellow in the movie, to get the girl to go with him.

They spent long nights at the kitchen table smoking and drinking, discussing all manner of things, and she knew that movie had a profound effect on him. She thought it was because he was afraid one day she would vanish from his life and part of that was true. She also knew like the man in the movie, that Mac would look for her forever if something happened like that.

The movie also made him think about who he really was. Was it all as simple as making a decision for good or evil?

There's was still some talk among their group of friends sometimes, not often though because Mac and Lucy did not act like a couple in public, ever. Lucy hung around with the girls in town and they treated her like a friend, but Carolina was the only one who truly liked Lucy. She liked her so much that she hadn't slept with Mac again after that time on Valentine's day years before when he had called her Lucy by mistake.

It wasn't just the trips back and forth to California that was a tell for some people, it was the way they behaved with each other and in their eyes; his eyes followed her wherever she went and her eyes followed him in kind. It was something that couldn't be hidden if you looked close enough. They never touched each other in front of anyone, but they didn't have to, their fierce loyalty and their eyes gave it away every time.

Eventually, people just stopped wondering about it, most of the time she was at school, and when she wasn't around Mac still acted like a free man. If Lucy knew and if she was mad about it, she kept it to herself. Nothing had changed really, except now Carolina wouldn't go out with him anymore.

That was OK, there were plenty of others who would.

 

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June finally came, Lucy finished her finals and drove east with her mother with her usual excitement. She was back, but he had started a downward spiral in July that wouldn't stop until almost the end of August that year. Not only didn't anyone wonder about them that summer, but they were never together. Mac made excuses not to be home and Lucy spent more time with the girls around town, the ones that liked her and the ones that didn't. She even spent some nights at Carolina's house, which was unusual for her. Mac had totally pulled away from her and even though she knew it had nothing to do with her and wasn't about some other girl, it still hurt.

It was like he didn't care about her at all anymore and she knew he was getting high every day. It was pretty obvious he was sampling Walter's meth too and Lucy didn't know how to help him. She was way too young to know that he wasn't her responsibility, to her he was, he was her blood and her love.

 

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Martin saw her sitting at the bar before she saw him and he licked his lips just as Walter raised the bat to let him know he saw what he was doing. That boy was always up to no good and looking for trouble, but a good worker; you had to take the good with the bad. Lucy had been at the bar all afternoon and now this douche bag had to show up. With “The Persuader” at the ready Walter prepared in case his son showed up and the shit hit the fan.

Martin liked to think that he himself wouldn’t fuck his own cousin but pussy was pussy, that was a fact. There were no morals where pussy was involved and he would if the cousin was as good looking as her. But there was more to it, all their lives he and Mac and Marco shared girls.

Martin got that part, if Lucy was his cousin he supposed he'd fuck her too. But Mac wouldn’t share and they always shared, so when he came upon Lucy alone that night, without her self-appointed protector; he couldn't resist. Mac was gonna share his toy whether he wanted to or not tonight.

Lucy was twenty by this time, fully grown and a beautiful woman, not the gawky kid she used to be. She had completed two years of college in California and was spending the summer again. Mac had disappeared two days before and even Walter didn't know where he was, Walter almost always knew where to find him.

Now she was pissed off, he had left in the middle of the night and hadn't said a word about where he was going, not that he owed her an explanation, but it was fucking rude. He hadn't been back in days and she and Carolina decided to go out that Saturday just for something different to do. It was mid-August and hotter than hell, the sweat rolled off you from the minute you moved and there was no relief in sight for days, when the rain would finally come. Until then, people were trying to stay cool and stay loaded. The desert was heavy and there was anger in the heat of summer sometimes.

She sat down at the bar, now that she was of age and insisted her uncle keep pouring her shots of Southern Comfort. Both Rosie and Walter knew this was going to be bad, they watched as Martin slithered in next to her at the bar and she was happy to see him. Even Walter knew that Lucy couldn't stand him, she must have been hammered already to welcome him that way; this was not good at all. Martin slid one arm around Lucy and one around Carolina and settled in for the night.

Three drinks later and they were dancing, Walter made sure “The Persuader” was still close at hand because he just had a feeling it was going down tonight. If Mac showed up now there was going to be so much fucking trouble, Martin had his hands on her ass. Lucy pushed his hands away, and he just put them right back; if Mac saw that Walter knew it would get ugly, and he wouldn't blame Mac, Martin was acting like a scumbag.

“Because the Night” was playing on the Jukebox when Mac walked in half hammered himself and saw Martin leading Lucy around the dance floor as if she belonged to him. It had been a rough two days and he was there to cop and go home, when he saw her he slapped his hand down on the nearest chair and squeezed hard to try and diffuse the rage that boiled up inside him.

“Because the night belongs to lovers, because the night belongs to us...” Blared through the jukebox as he looked at them. This summer had been bad for him, he hadn't been good to her at all, but did he deserve this?

What the fuck?

He was between them in a second and staring eye to eye with Martin. He had just come down from a binge and was feeling nasty, his intention to cop from Walter and head home to her was out of his mind now. He didn't know who he was more angry with, her or him, and who he was going to deal with first.

“What are you the jackass whisperer now Lucy?” But his eyes never left the other man's.

“Just having some fun for once,” Lucy said bitterly.

“Why so concerned with who your cousin dances with Mac?” Martin said with a sneer and to his credit Mac ignored it.

“Fuck off Martin,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him and started dancing with her, he held her by the small of her back and pressed against her, letting Martin and the whole fucking bar see the way he danced with her, “What’s your problem. What the fuck do you think you’re doing ?”

“I don't have any problem cousin, seems like you do.”

“Yeah, you're right. I got a problem,” He hissed and pulled her closer, letting her feel him against her.

“Care to share?”

He didn't answer right away so Lucy kept going.

“Where have you been,” She asked as he led her around the dance floor and touched her obscenely in front of everyone there.

“None of your business, Luce.”

“It’s OK for you to bang who you want all year, but I can’t even dance with someone?” She hissed back at him.

“No, ya can’t.”

“Fuck that, Mac!,” She said trying to get out of his grip, she was trying to understand what he was going through but he was being such a prick, as usual, by going out and using and not talking to her, “Where have you been for three days?”

Mac set his eyes on her as they moved around the dance floor as if she had no right to ask him to account for his time. She understood he was upset, that he was going through something, but she also realized he was using more than pot now. She knew with 100% certainty that it was crank, it smelled different, he smelled different. His temper was like a switch, turned on and off depending on his mood and most of the time it was bad that summer.

“Out,” He replied.

“Look I know it's been rough, I get it,” Lucy persisted,“But that's not good enough anymore, you've been a real dick”

“Surprise Lucy, I am a dick,” He stopped dancing with her and led her down the back hall to Walter's office after the song was over, “ And I told you never be alone with him!”

Walter watched as he threw open the door and pulled her inside. “Fist full of Love.” was on the jukebox now and they could hear it playing from down the hall as he slammed the door so hard it rattled. Usually Walter didn't want anyone in his office but, he knew whatever was going to happen couldn't happen in front of all the Saturday regulars, so he let it go.

“I wasn't alone, there's a bar full of people here!”

“You fucking know what I meant!” He yelled.

“Keep it down, one of your whores might be around,” Lucy said, “Let's not blow our cover...ruin your good time.”

 

“We live together in a photograph of time,  
I look into your eyes.  
And the seas open up to me,  
I tell you I love you.  
And I always will.  
And I know that you can't tell me,  
So I'm left to pick up.  
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion.”

 

“I never hid a thing from you, so don't start getting all pissy on me now.” He stalked towards her, the anger was radiating off of him the way it had been the day he chased her to California. Then it occurred to him that he had hidden things from her, but he was too far into this fight now, he had a point to prove with her, “You knew what this was, I never lied to you.” About that anyway.

“Yeah, I did know exactly what it was and now I’m done with... this.” She waved her hand around and turned to walk away; Mac grabbed her hard by the shoulder and yanked her back until she was against his chest. She could feel the scruff of his beard on her neck and his breath on her skin.

“You're always done with me but I ain’t done with you .” He growled into her ear and wrapped his arm around her neck from behind and brought the other hand down over her breast, “We'll never be done...cousin.”

 

 

“I feel your fists,  
And I know it's out of love.  
And I feel the whip,  
And I know it's out of love.  
I feel your burning eyes burning holes,  
Straight through my heart.  
It's out of love.”

 

 

Lucy pulled away from him, turned to leave and felt a crack across her cheek as Mac slapped her and she was momentarily stunned. They stared at each other for a second, both of them not believing what he had done. Then she cranked her arm back and walloped him right in the face.

They stared at each other for a beat and at their hands that they had just put on each other. They hadn't fought physically since they were little kids and for a moment she was almost afraid of him, really afraid. Her face hurt where he had hit her and she had split his lip, she watched as he brought his hand up to wipe the blood away, then sucked it off his hand.

Then he looked straight at her and she sucked in her breath. She knew he was hurting, he hadn't slept in days obviously, and he looked like hell. He looked so lost and confused at that moment that she wanted to put her arms around him. She was smart enough to know that wasn't a normal reaction to a man hitting you, but Lucy was unable to shake that desire to comfort him.

 

“Give me a fist full of love, give me a little fist full of love, fist, fist, fists full of love.”

 

This would end up one of two ways, thankfully she saw that familiar fire pass through his eyes and Mac was on her in a flash, pressing his entire body against her and assaulting her mouth with his. He needed this, needed her and she would never say no to him, even if she was afraid. He wrapped his arms around her and his hands reached down over her ass and around between her legs.

“This is mine, all mine, anyone touches you again, for any god damn reason and I’ll kill you both, you understand?”

Lucy nodded, genuinely scared not to agree as he sat her up on Walter's desk and came eye to eye with her. His eyes were so bright even with all the exhaustion or the drugs and she loved him then, no matter what.

“I fuckin love you.” He whispered.

He kissed her again, biting her bottom lip and pulling it into his mouth and she dug her hands into his hair, grateful that they weren't beating the shit out of each other. For a moment it had looked like it would go that way.

 

“Give me a sweet little fist full of love.”

 

“Stay here. I want you in my bed, full time, move here.” He moved his lips down her neck, sucking and biting, “Live with me, go to college here, or do it online like you were talking about. Fuck em all, of them, let them think what they want.” He pulled her close to him, “Be all mine, Carina.”

She hugged him tight, “I'm sorry about your Mom, I'm so sorry Mac,” She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer into her arms, “I won't leave you, you know I'll never leave you.”

 

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That summer she didn’t go home, she always had a room in Mac's small house since she was a kid, but now he lived alone. His mother passed away in June, she had made it four years, but they were hard years. It happened just after Lucy and her mother came for the annual visit and it had sent him on one long bender that summer over it.

His mother had left him the house, so, once her mother went home in August, Lucy just moved into his room.

In September Mac drove her back to California to get her things and faced her mother like a man. Lucy made up some story about fieldwork in the canyon, which eventually she would have to do for her degree in organic chemistry, but that was years away.

What her mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

She registered for online classes and carried a full course load, in addition to working most nights at the bar for Walter. Mac didn't like that one bit, but Walter paid her well and she had big plans for her future, their future. They fought over that and many other things, but especially Lucy's job at the Luna Mesa, sometimes it got physical now, but Lucy gave as good as she got.

“God Luce. You’re my only family now.” He would say as they lay out in the hammock in the backyard at night together the way they had done the night he found out his mother was dying. It was quiet and clear at night, and it was here they planned a future together, counted the stars and talked for hours.

“Walter...too,” Lucy answered.

“He uses me, you don't think I know that.” Mac answered, “He ain't ever been a father.”

“Then I'm your family, and I'm not going anywhere.”

“Ever think about what life would be like if we weren't like this?”

“What do you mean?” She turned to look at him.

“Like if you had stayed at college...If we never started this.”

“No, I don't ever think about that,” Lucy shook her head, “I can't imagine my life without you, you've always been the most important person in my life.”

“I think sometimes, I shouldn't have...”

“Hey,” She took hold of his hand and pulled his arms around herself, “I chose you, I choose you, every day, I choose you.”

They were at an impasse of sorts, with her in town full time, and both their jobs, neither of them had much free time. For the first time in their history, Mac wasn't fucking anyone but her.

He was also home at night with her and sober, most of the time and life was sweet for a while.


	26. Goals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy navigate living together and make some plans.

“All my care is you, and all my pleasure yours.”

\- Oedipus Rex, Sophocles

 

Some sweet Fleetwood Mac song played on the jukebox while Martin and Marco watched her serving customers. Lucy had been working there for a couple of months now and the incidents from when they were all younger had been forgiven, forgiven but not forgotten. Mac practically didn't let her out of his sight now that she lived there all year. It was no big thing, everyone was used to it.

Mac was across the street working at the garage, but he was in and out during her shifts and it seemed that would be the way it was going to be. By now people knew to mind their manners with her or face the wrath that Mac would rain down on anyone who stepped out of line.

He didn't like her working there, Walter being there or not, but there were no other jobs really, the town was so small. As she approached the two of them she twisted off the caps of two beers and set them in front of them. Mac was nowhere to be found at the moment so Martin leaned forward to talk to her.

“What are you doing in this dump Lucy?”

“Making money for college,”

Martin leaned over the bar further, leered at her and tried to look down the black tank top she was wearing. She was onto him and stood up so that he couldn't see down her shirt.

“That’s real nice Lucy, but dick riding isn’t a profession.”

Lucy stood her ground and stared him down as he stood up.

“I’m gonna forget you said that and I’m not gonna tell my Uncle,” She reminded him because Walter would kick his ass for saying that, never mind what Mac would do, “But if you ever insult me that way again, I’ll slit your throat, got it?”

“Hey, all in good fun.” Martin held up his hands, still pissed that Mac had cut in on his dance with Lucy, but unable to take it out on Mac so he picked on her instead. Marco waved him off and turned to Lucy as Martin set his eyes on Carolina who just walked in.

“Just ignore him...” Marco said as Martin got up to go sit with Carolina.

“Oh, don't worry, I am,” She laughed, “I won't be doing this forever.”

“Good, that's a good plan Lucy,” Marco replied, “Where's Mac?”

“He should be here soon, you need him for something?”

“Yeah, but it's fine, I'll wait, I know this is where he'll eventually show up.”

Lucy smiled at that, Marco was alright, Mac still told her not to be alone with any of them and he made sure it never happened, but Marco didn't ever bother her. When Mac got done at work, usually by seven each night, he planted his ass at the bar or at a table until Lucy got out at midnight. If he had something to do after work, he made sure Walter was working and was always back when she got off work.

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Jethro Tull, Walter's favorite band played on the jukebox and Mac remembered that song too from when he was a kid sitting there much like he was now only not understanding the words. “Sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent...” It brought back memories, some of them good and some of them not so good.

He brought his eyes back to Lucy who stood before him wiping her hands on an apron. Then his eyes followed her as she washed glasses and stacked them under the bar. Bad intent indeed, he understood what the song was about now.

As Mac sat at the bar watching her serve customers, he thought about how selfish he had been, this wasn’t the life he wanted for her. She was busting her ass here, going to college online, and she was stuck with him in this shit town. He hadn't intended for it to be this way, but he needed her.

He had been so lost when his mother died and Lucy had known that; as adamant as he had always been about her not moving to Utah, he needed her when that happened. The last few years he and his mother had been at odds with each other but had made a kind of peace before she died. He missed her, more than he thought he would.

Lucy smiled easily as she did her work and talked with Walter, joked with him, Rosie and the customers. His girl was something else indeed. She was happy being there and even if Mac couldn't understand it. But he liked watching her work, liked hearing all the old music and some of the newer music too, he liked life.

As he drank a shot and a beer, Walter approached him.

“You don’t got to sit here and watch her. I got this.” He said.

“Just here to drive her home.”

Stanley was next to him then and Walter poured him a coke, because he was working for him that night, no booze on deliveries, no drugs allowed either. No one crossed Walter, and no one drove high if they were doing his deliveries, not even Mac.

“You take care of that delivery?” Mac asked.

“Yup. All done, I'm off the clock now,” Stanley signaled to Lucy tipping his hand to his mouth and she appeared with two beers. She popped the caps off them and placed one in front of Mac and one in front of Stanley.

“Thanks, doll,” Stanley said and laid bills on the bar, “Keep the change.”

“Thanks,” She replied and slid her hand against Macs briefly, “Walter said I can go at eleven.”

“Alright,” He sipped his beer and looked around the room.

“I’ll be back, “ She said as Walter filled a tray with drinks for her to take to a table across the room. Mac's eyes tracked her as she bent over the table, served the drinks and chatted with the man and woman at the table.

Soon she was back and leaned over the bar to whisper something dirty into his ear, first she looked around to make sure no one was looking, then she leaned close to him. He said something back to her and he smiled at her as she touched his face quickly.

“Told you never to come here and now ya working here.” He whispered.

“Afraid so mi amore,” She smiled.~ My love.

“You don’t listen good,” He leaned further over the bar so no one would hear, “Gonna have to spank that ass for this. “

“Start talking that sexy Mexican shit and you got yourself a date.” She whispered with a wink.

“You better watch it, Carina,” He brought his eyes to meet hers and there was smoke and fire there.

“Bring it.”

 

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Mac shut the door and followed Lucy out to the truck at quitting time and Walter and Martin watched from the doorway as they drove away in his truck. Martin turned to meet Walter’s eyes, they had both seen Mac open the door for her and help her into the truck. It was odd still seeing him do those things.

“He gonna sit here every night while she’s working?”

“Knowing him, he’ll want to, as long as he keeps producing I’m not gonna hassle,” Walter replied.

“Let me ask ya something, Walter?” Martin said, “Why ya think she's doing those college classes, to bartend for you the rest of her life?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I'm gonna bet you right now she's planning to leave here, and take him with her.”

“That ain't gonna happen, cholo,” Walter said solemnly, “I'll stop it way before then.”

“How you gonna stop it?”

“You never mind, when you need to know, you'll know.”

 

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“I hate that you work there slinging liquor for those assholes,” Mac said as they stood in the hallway of their house later that night. The very same hallway where years ago they realized something was going on with them. It was his house now, hers and there were no parents to hide from.

“Baby, “ They stopped in the hallway and she brought her hands up to run through his hair and placed her forehead against his, “As long as I’m with you...”

“I want better for you than that,” Mac replied.

“There is no better than that,” She kissed him.

He looked sad all of the sudden as he looked into her eyes, “There is way better than this place.” And way better than me.

“So let’s set some goals then,“ He followed her down the hall and into the bathroom. Mac whistled as she pulled her t-shirt over her head and turned unhooking her bra and tossing it in the hamper. Then she turned back and watched him pulling his shirt over his head.

“Slow down, slow down baby, I wanna savor this sight,” She nodded towards him and he grinned, the bad mood that threatened to come was gone now. Lucy shucked off her jeans and started the shower, then stepped inside and moved over when he joined her.

“Remember that time when we were kids...”

“And you were bitching me out in here,” He pulled her close, “And wouldn’t get in the shower with me.”

Lucy smiled, “Yeah,” She soaped her hands and ran them over his chest with a grin. 

“And the time you got an eyeful and couldn't get my dick off your mind for the rest of your life,” He laughed.

“Fuck you,” She laughed.

“You want to don't ya?”

This was their usual routine, he would work at the garage in the mornings while she did her school work. In the afternoon she would start her shift at the bar and he would float in and out all day long keeping an eye on her. They showered together every night, bantering back and forth the way they always did.

“Never in a million years thought we’d end up...” Mac sighed against her neck and kissed her there.

“I did, I wasn’t having it any other way,” Lucy smiled.

“You’re like a tornado when you have an idea in your head.”

“So let’s talk about our goals.” She said with a nod.

“My only goal right now is to get my face between those legs tonight.” He kissed her neck up to her ear and sucked hard. She could feel his hard dick against her stomach twitching and she ran her hands over his back the way he liked.

“Tempting,” Lucy kissed him once, “...later. I want the store like we’ve been talking about. We could rent something that we can both use. A garage, with a big office and I can hawk my potions there. “

“You got big dreams.” Mac said, “And you kind of make me feel like anything is possible.”

“I do and anything is possible. You know who told me that.”

He shook his head.

“It was you when I was seven years old and afraid to go in the caves because of spiders.” She answered, “You told me that all I had to do was decide I wasn’t going to be afraid, and I wasn’t. “

“How come you still call me to kill them then?” He brought his hand over her cheek and rubbed his fingers along her jaw, looking into her eyes.

“Because,” She slid her hand down to his dick, “ You’re my man, that’s your job.”

Mac leaned back against the shower wall, closed his eyes as she ran her soapy hands over his rock hard cock. He would never get enough of her, her touch was bewitching and always had been.

“Will we try?” She asked.

“You’re asking me that while ya got your hand on my dick?”

“Yeah, “ She worked her hand up the length of him and watched his eyes rolling back into his head, “So deal? We try to open our own place?”

He groaned as she picked up the pace and stared into his eyes, “You just get better and better at getting your way with me.”

“We could leave here Mac, you know we could.”

He slid his hand over the wall to hold himself up as she brought her lips to his, never slowing down her hand, just the way he liked it. She kissed him hard, sucking on his lower lip and biting, also the way he liked it. In the years they had been together, they learned each other well, learned each others body, every dip and curve and behind closed doors, they were just like any other couple.

Her slippery hand was small but powerful and he was almost about to drop to his knees from the way she touched him, her lips were on his neck now and she pressed herself against him.

Then she brought her lips to his ear, “Amante, Sin ti no puedo respirar. Te necesito en mi vida.” ~ Lover, I cannot breathe without you, I need you.

“I need you, Lucy... Oh, fuck!” She pulled him close to her, continuing to work him over until everything went white behind his eyes, “Ohfuckyes!” He moaned into her neck and came hard in her hand and against her stomach.


	27. The Only Thing I Know How To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a look deep into Lucy's thoughts.

Some nights they still went out in the truck to lay under the stars in the canyon, but most nights if they were both home they laid out in the hammock and talked, got high sometimes. They talked about a future, about where they would go once she finished school. It seemed still so far away and she was still on him about his GED, but they were seriously talking about leaving one day.

As they laid there, he held her hand in his and contemplated life as he knew it. He'd put down the meth again, surprisingly easy for him this time, but he knew if he ever picked up again it would be all over. That was a drug he liked a lot and for a long time he didn't miss it, but eventually, he would and even he knew that.

Still, he did want to be a better man for her and he tried. At night under the stars with her, it felt like they could do it. The world didn't understand a relationship like theirs, but the world didn't have to, they understood each other. They always had.

 

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At night in the hammock some nights they smoked together, he was fine if it was just pot and Lucy liked to tease him about corrupting her. Deep down he knew it was true too, but she wasn't angry about it, she was happy, they were happy. Laughing with her as the sun went down most nights gave him perspective for a time, meth was just a way to make money now.

“Want a shotgun?”

Lucy laughed, “Sure, hit me.” 

“Come'ere,” He sat up a little and turned her around so that she was straddled across his lap facing him as he held the joint between his teeth, and settled her close to him. The hammock rocked slowly as she looked down at him, and he ran his hands over her hips, “Mmmm that's better,” He pulled her down and kissed her quickly, running his teeth over her lower lip. Lucy put her forehead to his and looked into his eyes as his hands ran up and down her hips.

Lucy had seen a shotgun done before but never had it done to her and she watched as he took a long pull and held the smoke in. She expected that he was just going to blow the smoke in her face to let her inhale it but he didn’t. He exhaled then got incredibly close to her, “Ready,” and waited for her to nod her head that she was ready. His face and more importantly, his lips were right next to hers and he looked into her eyes, unblinking, blue on green and took another hit.

"Open your mouth." He said, and his voice was deep and full of hot fire now.  
She waited expecting him to now blow it at her but he didn’t. He just opened his mouth and let the smoke seep out from his mouth into hers slowly. It was possibly the most erotic thing she had ever been involved in. Then he kissed her, nice and slow, pushing her lips apart and invading her mouth with his tongue. He tossed the roach into the dirt below them and pulled her down on top of him.

 

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“No one but a woman in love ever sees  
the maximum of men's greatness.”

Anis Nin

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The change happened insidiously and later Lucy would think; how did she not see it coming? She wasn't stupid and she knew what she was getting into with him, you cant make a leopard change its spots; she knew that. But he had been good for so long, they had been happy, still were, mostly. She didn't want Mac to be anyone but himself, that was who she loved, but he was different, edgy like when they were teenagers. Just like he was before they lived together, before she was there all the time.

But it happened so slowly, over time and she hadn't seen it coming or read the signs.

He didn't come home sometimes and she didn't want to think of where he might be, cooking in the caves if she was lucky, if not, well she hoped he wasn't cheating. And if he was, what would she do about it? She had accepted it early in their relationship and so did he think it was OK now? And was it OK? It had been before, because he always treated her like, what did Walter always say? The queen of his life and she was.

Or was he using too much again, the way he did when she went home for the winter, that was always a possibility? As she swung in the hammock alone in their backyard and looked up at the sky she contemplated, she wondered if she would leave him. She was always his priority, when he was around, and they needed each other. She knew the answer before she even asked herself that, she would not leave him. She had read a book once and knew there was a name for women like her, co-dependent, enabler. People went to meetings for that, and she wondered if maybe she wasn't doing either of them any favors by doing nothing.

And what exactly was she upset about? Because maybe sometimes she suspected he fucked other women? He had done that their entire relationship. It was too late to get mad now.

She had accepted that from the jump as long as she was always his priority and to Mac's credit, that was always so and she never doubted his feelings for her.

Lucy had thought when she moved in with him that it would stop and for a while, it seemed like it did. She was there full time with him, fucking him every day if he wanted and it had stopped, she was sure it had stopped, at least for a while.

But then she heard things around town and at the bar, and he acted so strangely sometimes. Still, he was like her addiction, if a person could become addicted to another, surely he was the needle in her arm, and she needed that fix just as badly as he did.

That sensuality that to her emitted from him like a drug was the reason she had never had another lover but Mac. She never even thought about it; from that first time in his truck listening to Bruce she had been his and only his. But he had not been only hers, maybe his heart belonged to her alone, that was what he always said. But she knew all along she was the only faithful partner in this relationship. It was a deal she had been eager to strike when she was sixteen and not so worldly.

Lucy was grown now, older and she hoped wiser, and she wanted more. There was no one to talk about it with, she couldn't tell her mother. Sheila would be on the next plane with her holy water and an exorcist to get her away from Mac if she knew. She and Carolina were tight, but it was an uncomfortable topic for most people and she didn't want people knowing about something they could never understand.

He was her blood first, in such a small family that was an unbreakable bond. Loving him was the only thing she knew how to do, for better or worse just like a marriage.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Mac had been good for three years, a personal record in his mind. He had stayed off the hard drugs as much as he could and he went home to her every night. They lived together from the time she was twenty and now she was twenty-three; it had been mostly good times. They fought just like other couples, loud, especially when he was using which was more and more lately. There was no point in hiding it, she knew and it was easier to not have to hide his drugs in the truck.

Lucy could deal with it, she knew how to keep out of his way. But if he was snorting meth he always wanted to fuck her when he came home. She’d be asleep and suddenly he’d be crawling on top of her all hands and lips, and she rarely resisted him. She loved him.

A life without him never crossed her mind, and it never crossed his either.

This was what she had wanted for as long as she could remember, him, with all his issues. This was what she had signed up for and he was her soulmate, she had known it all her life. Sometimes she didn't like him very much though. Things were good for a while, a long while, but then she noticed old familiar behavior.

It didn't matter, she would never leave him, no matter what and he knew it.

 

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	28. I'm Careless, I Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Mac and Lucy's life together.

When you are with me, I am free, I am careless, I believe.

My Sacrifice by Creed

 

“I, with deeper instinct,  
choose a man who compels my strength,  
who makes enormous demands on me.   
Who does not doubt my courage or my  
toughness, who does not believe me naive  
or innocent, who has the courage to treat me  
like a woman.”

Anis Nin

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

She had been expecting a mellow night when Mac busted through the door, letting the screen door slam against the house making an obnoxiously loud crack sound. Lucy jumped as he came through the house looking for her, but stood her ground, there was going to be a fight. He had found out what happened.

Someone had told him about the out of town guy grabbing her ass at work, that was evident in his attitude at the moment. He didn’t call out like Ricky Ricardo, “Eyyy Lucy, I’m home,” the way he always did to make her laugh and smile. Not tonight. He wasn’t playful tonight and she just knew; of course one of those dicks told.

“You’re quitting.” He yelled even before he saw her and she knew he was going to be that way after what had happened. She turned from the sink and dried her hands as he rounded the kitchen doorway and approached her with malice in his eyes. Was it for her? Did he think it was her fault?

“Mac...”

“Don’t fight me on this woman.”

“Walter took care of it, it was nothing.” Walter had indeed handled the situation, with the bat he always kept behind the bar.

“It wasn’t anything? Really?” He continued, “What if Walter wasn’t there?”

“He’s always there,” She rolled her eyes, Walter was there all day, every day. She was never alone. Rosie worked evenings with her too, she was safe, “I need my job, you know that. If I’m ever going to open a perfume shop...”

“Fuck that then, it ain’t worth it to me,” He waved his hand at her, “If douche bags are gonna be playing grab ass with you every day.”

“I’m sure word got around, ain’t no one gonna try a thing after Walter broke the guy's fingers.” She said calmly.

“Fuckin deserved it.”

“Walter was there baby, he took care of it. Of me.” She came closer to him and ran her fingers through his hair trying to relax him. It always worked and for a minute she thought the fight was over, but it wasn’t.

“And if he wasn’t?”

“I have my knife,” She said proudly, “The one you gave me, right here.” She rapped her hand on the side of her boot.

“Really? You a tough girl Luce,” He grabbed her hands and held them away from her, “Go ahead. Fight me. Show me how tough you are, get your knife.”

“Mac stop,” She tried to pull away from him. He was in a mood and she’d have to tread lightly.

“Come on. Hit me, show me you can take care of yourself.” He said, “How you getting that knife if I got your hands huh?”

She had no choice but to play along when he was being a dick this way, if she didn't it would just get worse.

Lucy pulled her hand back as if to slap him but he stopped her and they stared at each other for a beat. As he held her wrist inches from his face he licked his lips and rolled his shoulders, bringing his face closer to hers.

“You ain’t tough at all,” But it was a whisper, the malice was gone, replaced by something else, something she knew how to handle.

His moods changed on a dime since they were young and now that was the way she could gauge how high he was. The quicker the change, the higher he was and now his gaze was burning into her. She felt the hair stand up on her arms as he fixed his eyes on hers.

Mac stepped closer and pressed against her, still holding her wrist, then they were kissing; this was what happened often when they were fighting, it was why they could never stay mad at each other for long. They’d yell and scream, Mac would break shit, sometimes she did too and then it would come down on both of them like a ton of bricks.

“Oh fuck Lucy.” He kissed her again and shoved his tongue into her mouth, taking complete possession of what was his and wound his arms around her.

She could feel his huge cock against her belly and she sighed softly; she wanted it, him, she always did. That sound made him crazy with lust and he pressed against her more, harder, trying to get some relief from the ache that was starting.

In what seemed like one movement to Lucy he swiped the dishes off the table, unconcerned with the crash of said dishes breaking all over the floor and threw her on top of it. He pulled her towards him by her legs and she slipped her hands under his shirt, running them along his stomach making him hiss in pleasure. Then his shirt was pulled off and tossed on the floor next to the third set of broken dishes they had gone through since she moved there.

Lucy had thrown one set at him the first week she was there during a fight and the second Mac had broken on a rampage through the house when he had been smoking too much meth.

“I love you so much baby,” He moaned as he pulled her skirt up her thighs, reaching for her panties with a wide grin when he found them damp.

He slid two fingers along her panties and watched as her eyes closed and she let out the softest sigh. Then his fingers were inside her and she groaned out loud a low sound that made his dick throb. He worked his thumb against her clit and lit her on fire.

A deep chill went through her body as she heard him unbuckling his pants, the sound made her crazy and after their clothing was out of the way he sunk inside her to the hilt in one swift movement. They both gasped in unison, there was a time when he had been so gentle and afraid she couldn’t take it all, but that was a long time ago.

“Oh god, I love you.” Mac groaned out as he bit his way down her neck, “Take that dick baby, take it.” He pushed against her hard, pulling her legs wide and watching his cock going in and out of her.

“I love you too baby.” She groaned, “Fuck me, Oh god fuck me good.” She pulled him closer and deeper.

“I can’t live without you,” He gasped out, “Promise me, Lucy, promise me we’ll always be together .” He kissed down her neck, pulling her shirt out of the way to get to her breasts.

“I promise, l promise.” He brought his hand back down between them to stroke her again and he could feel her trembling now. It wouldn’t be long at all, he’d have her screaming bloody murder soon.

“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole sometimes. “

“It’s OK,” She kissed him hard and threw her head back to ride the wave that was coming from his skilled fingers, “Not going anywhere.” She breathed out as she felt the first wave crash down on her and she closed her eyes, “I can't live without you.”

Her body was pulling him closer to the edge of oblivion, and he was speeding towards it fast; when she screamed and gripped his shoulders he was done. Her pussy was squeezing the life out of him and there was no way he could hold back; he came with a fierce roar right after she did spilling everything he had inside her with a shudder. It was an unbearable pleasure, and no one but Lucy gave that to him.

He pulled her close against him, not wanting to let her go or leave her warm body just yet. They both trembled in aftershocks, holding each other tight for dear life as sweat rolled down their backs and over their faces. It was quiet now. No sound but the ticking clock and the soft radio playing from a neighbors house.

“Marry me.” He groaned against her neck

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Lucy woke up first the next day on her stomach and Mac was laying half on top of her back with his leg draped over her legs. She turned her head to him and looked at his closed eyes, he was so peaceful like that in the mornings when they woke up together. She could see the face of the boy he used to be, the untroubled one. He was so troubled now, she knew, but these mornings reminded her that there was hope.

After a while, he stirred in his sleep and he pulled her close letting out a little sigh of contentment. She settled down against him and pulled the quilt over them carefully. It was so rare, this complete peace now and Lucy savored every bit of it.

“I meant it.” He said dreamily and kissed her bare shoulder, they always slept with no clothes on, from the day she moved in. In the beginning, he used to wake her up in the middle of the night almost every night to make love, even if they already had that day and still did that often. But the sleeping without clothes lingered on either way and most mornings she was awakened by Mac's hard dick against her back or on her leg. Lucy smiled at him, she knew what he was talking about.

“You really know how to charm a girl, proposing while you’re still inside me.” She laughed and rolled over to kiss him, “First class all the way.”

“Is that a yes?”

She crawled on top of him and sunk down on his dick before he even knew what happened.

“Damn,” He brought his hands up to her hips and started to move her, “Good morning to you too.”

“Just accepting in the proper way,” She grinned as she ran her hands over his chest.

“Christ you're gonna fuck me to death.” He moved her hips against him, “What a way to go.”

Lucy rocked her hips against his slowly and watched as he closed his eyes, there was a look of pure bliss on his face. She knew what to do and she knew what he needed; Lucy moved faster and faster, leaning down and kissing him wildly until he emptied every drop of hot cum inside her.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Then he held her after, he was always so relaxed and calm after sex, especially in the mornings, because he usually wasn't high either. They talked the way they used to at night when they were kids out in the canyon in the mornings.

“Luce do you feel like I took things from you, your childhood, I feel like I never gave you space to.. I dunno...grow up because I couldn't keep my paws off of you?.”

“I gave it all to you, willingly and I’d do it again the same way. I’ve loved you all my life.” She brushed his hair out of his face and stared into his steel blue eyes, “I was always yours to have. “

“And you were always mine,” He repeated the words from that long ago poem that had freaked him out when he was sixteen and now at twenty-five he understood.

He took her hand in his and kissed it.

“Let’s go today.”

“Afraid I’ll change my mind?” She laughed and he met her eyes then.

“Kinda.” Was all he said.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Sad eyes follow me but I still believe there something left for you and me.”

One Last Breath by Creed


	29. Disarm You With a Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac and Lucy go to Salt Lake City.

“Disarm you with a smile,  
And cut you like you want me to.  
Cut that little child  
Inside of me and such a part of you.  
Ooh, the years burn.”

Disarm by The Smashing Pumpkins

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

As they drove through Salt Lake City he briefly thought about Jenny, the girl who somewhere between Carson City and the Utah border had laid down cards and told him his future. He hoped she was still alive, working at that job she told him about here. He hoped she hadn’t gotten into the wrong car, she was a good soul and deserved to have an abundant life. She had advised him to live his life that way all those years ago and wasn’t this just part of that.

Marriage. Like he had ever thought about that.

It wasn't anything he had ever dared to think about or want. He felt different now, he was a married man and even he couldn’t believe it. They wore no rings and the license would be hidden away forever in a lock box in the closet, but they knew and that was all that mattered. It was funny, he never intended to marry her, the thought never crossed his mind, until it did and then it was all he wanted. Maybe it was the first step into a straight life. He knew Lucy would want that and now he’d married her, effectively tying her to him forever. Maybe that wasn’t the right thing to do; he didn’t care, he wanted her with him. Maybe he should try and get his shit together for her sake.

Lucy looked out the car window as Mac went past the interstate entrance and kept driving to the other side of town. At a gas station on Lucy's side of the road, a dark-haired girl in a black business skirt, white blouse and black blazer was drinking coffee from a to go cup as she pumped her gas. She looked over as they passed by, recognized the truck and smiled, the dark haired girl with her head out the window had to be his Lucy. She just knew it, and she somehow knew they were in Salt Lake for a special reason. Lucy smiled back at her and Jenny then made the sign of the cross across her chest. God bless her, God bless her, God bless her. She whispered as she looked up towards the sky.

Lucy held the marriage license on her lap and looked at it with disbelief, they were married. She couldn’t believe they had really done it.

She wondered if this would change him. Probably not, but maybe, it would reassure him that she really wasn’t going anywhere. For some reason, he always thought she was leaving him. It wasn’t mistrust or jealousy, but like he was afraid to be happy or didn’t know how to be. Sometimes he said he was afraid something would happen to her, something out of his control.

As children, he wasn’t like that, but she noticed as he got older a cloud descended on him. Sometimes it stayed a long time and sometimes not, but it never left for good. The drugs were part of it, she knew that. But there was something else too, something she couldn't put her finger on, maybe this would help.

“You missed our turn,” She said.

“I know,”

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“To eat a good meal, get drunk and consummate this unholy union.”

“I have work,” Lucy fretted.

“No, ya don’t. Ya have a toothache. Walter said to feel better.” He said with a smile.

He had made reservations at the fanciest hotel in town before they left, wanting her to feel like a bride for a little while. He couldn't give her much, no white dress, no ring, but he could call her out of work for the night and actually keep his yap shut and surprise her. They brought no clothes with them or anything, but they could buy whatever they needed. This was their honeymoon after all.

When they got back home it would be business as usual. But for one night they could be some other couple, one that could walk down the street holding hands, one that could be unafraid.

He considered if they left for good, just kept driving, what would happen. It was the perfect time to do it, yet he couldn’t. Lucy would go anywhere he wanted her to go, he knew that, but something tied him to that shit town. His father? Maybe. And maybe after the old man was dead they could leave. Lucy would be finished with her online classes then, they could go somewhere far away, the east coast maybe. It was a pipe dream and he knew it, but he liked to think about it sometimes.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

After dinner and way too much wine he carried her over the threshold of the room, they were both drunk and laughing at the cheesy way they were acting, but it was the one of the only chances they would ever have to be silly together this way. When he was at home it was like a blanket of gloom settled over him, the loss of hope maybe. Or maybe the canyon life was just getting to him after all these years.

She loved him when he was like this though, happy and free, and she loved him and held him up when he wasn’t. 

Mac switched on the light and immediately her eyes zeroed in on the hot tub in the middle of the room. He set her down on her feet and kissed her, she was his wife now.

He set the wine bottles down on the dresser because they stopped for more wine as they walked back to the hotel from dinner. It was still light out and they were wasted and happy.

“Oh Mac this is amazing,” She turned the knob on the side of the tub and stripped out of her clothes. His eyes settled in her body and the bruises he’d left on her the night before, as she walked up the steps and sunk down into the hot water, “Come on,” She waved to him.

She had left marks on him too and long ago he had accepted that it was the way it was with them. They loved hard and in secret, and sometimes because of that it got out of hand. They held nothing back from each other. He stripped down and joined her, letting out a groan at the feel of the hot water on his body.

“Oh, fuck this is nice. “ He scooted closer to her and pulled her into his lap facing him, “Now I really do own your ass.”

“Pffftttt. You wish.” She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I wish I could give you a better life.”

“I have the life I want.”

“Today a marriage license, tomorrow a restraining order,” He said with a laugh and a wink, then a shadow came over his face, “One more thing we can't tell people,” He sighed.

“Husband,” She kissed down his neck, “Don't you know it's hot as fuck to have a secret, it's so dirty.” She drew out the last three words and whispered them in his ear. Then kissed her way down his neck until he was moaning loudly.

Mac pulled her closer, bringing her right breast up to his mouth as she dug her hands into his hair and pulled hard. 

“Ever do it in a hot tub before?” He asked, bringing his hands down over her back and she laughed at that because he knew the answer to that question, she had only ever been with him.

“You?” She asked carefully, and not really wanting him to answer.

He shook his head, “Never been in one before.”

Lucy moved against him and he brought his hands up to her breasts as she slid down on to his dick as the water bubbled around them.

“Oh, baby that's it,” He moaned against her neck and slid his hands down over her ass to move her against him, “Move that sweet ass.”

Lucy pushed herself against him and wound her arms around him as his mouth went back to her breasts. He went from one to the other with his hot mouth, biting and sucking until she was covered in purple marks all over her chest. His fingers dug into her ass as she moved above him and as usual, Lucy was blown away by the amount of passion inside him.

Fucking Mac was always a perfect combination of love and hate; always they left marks on each other, bruises that on another couple might signal abuse. This was not abuse. She dug her hands into his shoulders and lay into him with everything she had.

“Oh fuck me,” He moaned, “Fuck me good.”

Lucy leaned down and kissed him hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth and sucking hard, “Come on,” She whispered, “Fill me up, give it all to me.”

“Oh, fuck yes I will,” He gripped her hips and moved her faster.

“Come on baby,” She moaned as he reached down between them to get her off first, “Cum inside me, cum inside me.”

Mac slid his fingers on either side of her clit and kept them there as her body moved against his and soon she was falling apart and her pussy was squeezing him like a vice. 

“Oh fuck, I'm cumming...” She screamed, pulling him close to her, “Oh god, oh god.”

Mac followed right after her screaming the usual string of profanities, “Oh fuck, oh goddammit, fuck yes, FUCK YES!!!!!” and pulled her against him.

 

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“I used to be a little boy  
So old in my shoes.  
And what I choose is my choice.  
What's a boy supposed to do?  
The killer in me is the killer in you.  
My love,  
I send this smile over to you.”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

It was dark when they woke up in the huge soft bed, the sun had gone down long ago, and there was a soft breeze coming in through the sliding doors. The curtains blew softly and there was a little radio in the room on the nightstand that he had turned on that played alternative music. The time on the radio/clock said 8:45 pm, they had slept for three hours wrapped up together in the huge white comforter.

It was quiet and peaceful as they slowly woke up and when “Disarm” came on he pulled her up to stand on the bed and took her in his arms to dance.

“Are you still drunk?” She laughed and he nodded.

“Me too,” She giggled like a young girl, “We’re gonna be so hungover tomorrow.”

“Don’t care,” He replied as he led her in the slow dance, holding their hands against his chest.

“I like this song. It’s just melancholy enough,” She said, and then added, “It always made me think of you.”

“Did we really do this?”

“Yeah,” She looked up at him, “We really did.”

“I'm sorry that we can't have a big party like normal people...”

“I'd rather have one day of abnormal with you than a lifetime of normal with someone else.”

“You're the best, Luce.” He said, kissing her and pulled her down onto the bed. He was all lips and teeth all over her neck and chest as his hands came to her breast. Lucy reached down and grasped his cock in her small hand, then brought her lips to his.

“I want that,” She whispered into his ear and ran her tongue over his ear, sucking on his earlobe. 

 

Mac moaned as she sucked her way down his neck and he dug his hands into her hair.

“Then take what you want,” He groaned as Lucy kissed down his chest to his stomach and started pumping his dick in her hand. She looked up at him before she ran her tongue over his balls nice and slow, finally taking his cock in her hot, wet mouth, “Fuck I think I'm gonna like bein married, gimme that.”

Before she knew what he was doing Mac was pulling her by the legs until her pussy was on his face, and he spread her legs wide. Slowly he brought his hands to her thighs, followed by his mouth in teasing little bites and licks until he got to where he wanted to be.

He was a tease, licking her slow from back to front, touching her clit with the tip of his devil's tongue just briefly then pulling away but holding her thighs snug in his hands. Lucy ran her tongue over his cock from base to tip and pushed herself down on his face trying to get more before she took him in her mouth again. It was all he could do not to cum down her sweet throat, but she had to cum first, he needed her to cum first.

Her mouth was filled with his cock and she moaned around him as he slid his tongue over her already wet lips once again, Mac spread her legs further and pushed his tongue inside of her. Lucy couldn't move because he held her tight, all she could do is groan and suck his dick as he assaulted her pussy with no intention of letting up anytime soon.

He could already feel her starting to lose it when he added his fingers into the mix and every moan she made vibrated on his cock while he worked her over. Lucy always came fast and he could feel her start to twitch around his fingers, it was going to be soon and he couldn't wait to drink every drop of her.

She screamed with a mouthful of cock as he licked her without stopping until she was almost sobbing with need, his rigid tongue slid against her engorged clit and she exploded like a nuclear bomb. Mac drank every bit, licking and sucking as if he was starving for her, and she tasted sweet as he unloaded down her throat.

They had run off and gotten married and it was working for him so far.


	30. A World of Flowers and Hammocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but I included it to show a little glimpse of the life they had together.

Lucy was in the kitchen cooking dinner as the sun went down on her day off a few months later. It was life as usual, and nothing really changed; they had come back from Salt Lake City and went back to their lives as they always were. The marriage license was hidden away, never to be seen by anyone's eyes but theirs. It didn't matter, they knew and that was all that mattered.

She didn't hear Mac come in and he didn't call out to her the way he usually did “Ehy Lucy, I'm home” he was trying to surprise her. He was quiet, stealth and made it all the way down the hall, past the few drawings that hung there. Some were in frames and some weren't, but he had drawn them all, Lucy thought he had real talent and never stopped telling him that.

As he came to the kitchen door Mac glanced at the latest one he had drawn of her, with her hair blowing in a breeze standing out in the desert. She insisted he hang up anything he drew, even the spider drawings he had made for her years ago. He smiled as he watched her at the stove, her hair was up in a loose bun and there were little tendrils of her dark hair hanging down over her neck. He adored her and he stood there looking at her for a few minutes.

Mac stepped closer and ran the flowers over the back of her neck, followed by his lips as she stood at the stove, no longer oblivious to his presence there. Lucy smiled, this was a side of him that few people saw, maybe just she did.

“What’s this?” She turned and kissed him, “ It’s not my birthday.”

“Don’t have to be, just bringing my wife flowers.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing, surprisingly,” He laid the flowers on the table and wrapped his arms around her, “Come on, turn this all off and come outside with me for a while.”

Mac led her outside by the hand after he turned off the stove.

“Dinner can wait.”

///////// 

“You fascinate me,” He said later as they lay in the hammock in the backyard like they did almost every night unless she was working a late shift, “You always have.”

“You're fucked up,” Lucy answered.

“Yeah, I am,” Mac pulled her back against him, “You just figuring that out now?”

“What's so fascinating about me?”

He took her hand in his and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against him and breathing in her scent, still coconut and lemongrass.

“Everything Luce, everything.” He replied, “You take me at face value, you know what a dick I am, especially if I'm using, and you still stay with me.”

“Well, it says for better or for worse.” She said with a laugh.

“But why cause even I know I'm a fuckin asshole sometimes.” He replied, “I'm a drug addict, I gave you drugs.”

“For times like these...”

“What?”

“Just...the good times are so good, they overshadow the bad and I've loved you all my life. It's all I know how to do.”

“Me too Luce, me too.” Mac replied, “But it won't always be good.”

“I know that too.” She snuggled close to him, “And I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, so we're even.”

He laughed, “Kind of?” 

Lucy laughed and rocked the hammock, dumping them both into the red dirt.

“See, you are such a bitch,” Mac said as they rolled around in the dirt and they ended up with him on his back and her straddled over him. Lucy ran her hands over his chest and looked down at him.

“Take it back or I'm gonna make you eat dirt, Garcia,” She said with a laugh and pushed his hands down over his head, but not for long, he rolled over on top of her.

“I think you're gonna be the one who eats dirt, Garcia.” He touched her face and ran his fingers through her hair.

“I love you Macerio,” She said softly, “I really do.”

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Lucy rolled over in bed later that night reaching for him and he wasn't there. She found him on the front porch steps smoking a cigarette and sat down next to him. For a few minutes she just looked up at the sky, it always made her feel so small, so insignificant, compared to all the stars above them.

“Can't sleep again?” She held her hand out for the cigarette and he passed it to her.

“Yeah,” He answered, “Got shit on my mind...”

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

Mac shook his head, “Thought I might go for a drive...”

Lucy nodded and she stood up and took his hand.

“Come on back to bed, I'll make sure you can fall asleep,” She winked and he stood up before her.

“Yeah,” He brought his hands down to her waist and placed his forehead on hers, “You think so?”

She nodded and ran her hands over his back, “Mmm...hmm,” She brought her lips to his ear and pushed his hair aside, “You'll be asleep in twenty minutes from now, I promise.”

True to her word, Lucy fucked his brains out and left him lying dazed and staring at the ceiling with half closed eyes. She settled herself down under the crook of his arm, whatever had been bothering him was miles away now and they both fell into a peaceful sleep.


	31. My Own Prison

“A court is in session, a verdict is in.  
No appeal on the docket today  
Just my own sin.  
The walls are cold and pale  
The cage made of steel,  
Screams fill the room  
Alone I drop and kneel.  
Silence now the sound  
My breath the only motion around,  
Demons cluttering around  
My face showing no emotion.  
Shackled by my sentence  
Expecting no return  
Here there is no penance  
My skin begins to burn.” 

My Own Prison by Creed

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

They had been married about six months when Mac's downfall happened, and there was no going back. Just as he had been afraid of, if he picked up crank again, it would take over every part of his life.

He wanted her to play with him because he was all fucked up. He could go out and find some whore, which he sometimes did even if she didn't want to think about it, she knew deep down inside. But he wanted her, he always wanted her before anyone else. 

“I said you’re gonna do it,” Mac turned back and yelled as she followed him through the house, while he searched for his cigarettes and booze, “We're married now, you gotta do as I say.”

Lucy snickered at that, “Yeah like I ever have before, you married the wrong girl if that's what you want.”

Ignoring Lucy for a minute Mac ran his hand through his hair as he stormed down the hallway, where the fuck were his cigarettes?

The radio played in the bedroom where she had been reading in her pajamas before he busted in wasted and horny.

Mac had come home fucked up and wired again and Lucy knew it was going to be a long night. She should have locked herself in the bedroom again, she knew how he got sometimes. Usually, he’d wreak the place, if it was a really bad night, try and break down the bedroom door, and eventually leave and do god knew what. Then he’d crawl into bed with her at dawn, once he came down, and wrap himself around her like a vine. Crisis averted, most times, but not this time.

“Come here,” He demanded when he came back into the kitchen.

“The fuck I am, I'm not getting all cranked up with you.”

“Yeah but you ain't got no fucking problem doing blow, you're a fuckin hypocrite,” Mac growled and then he pushed her into the wall and he hadn’t really meant to, it was rare for him to be rough with her like that. It happened sometimes but it was rare.

It had happened so fast too, Mac was walking away and into the kitchen and she’d been bitching him out, running her mouth as usual. He had wanted to smack her, but he didn’t. He didn’t hit her... but...It had been an accident, it really had been. He just didn’t want to hear it and he needed a cigarette bad.

Tonight He wanted her to play with him, that was all. He wasn’t tired and didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to get more fucked up, get her fucked up and then fuck.

He laughed at his own joke.

But His arm went out automatically, got her in the stomach with a “whppmffff” and Lucy was against the wall, hit her head and slid down in a dizzy haze. She had bit her lip on the way down and blood dripped over her bottom lip. He was momentarily hypnotized by it, what would her blood taste like? He barely got time to lick his lips as he knelt down intending to take a taste when her head rolled on her shoulders a few times. It was a second or two before she was able to look up at him, and he leaned closer, she was almost knocked out cold. But she stirred and When her eyes focused on him standing there, holding the tin her face contorted in rage.

“You fuckin jerk off,” She roared and then she was on her feet and plowing into him arms first. Surprisingly she caught him off guard and they landed on the couch. Mac was able to get the best of her in that position, even as she slapped at his face.  
He held her hands over her head with one hand and climbed on top of her, straddling her thighs, with his other hand he popped the tin open and stuck his finger in the powder. Lucy closed her lips tight.

“Open,” He commanded and she shook her head.

This was the boy who didn’t ever want her to use drugs, who was afraid something would happen to her if she did, who warned her over and over and hid his own drug use from her for years.

This was the boy who took care of her when she got dosed years ago, who refused her advances because she was wasted. And now he was doing this doing this and she closed her eyes; that boy was gone now, replaced by this grown-up man she sometimes didn’t like. But that she loved always.

He shoved his finger to her lips and forced it into her mouth rubbing the powder all over her gums and she bit his finger.

“Bitch,”

“Asshole.”

“Now shut the Fuck up,” He sat back on her legs then did the same to himself and waited for the surge to hit them both. In the meantime, he ran his hands up her stomach and over her breasts.

“Mac, stop it.”

He was feeling the effects of the meth, but she wasn't, he hadn't given her enough, but was lucid enough to know to wait a minute before he gave her more. She was little and he couldn't give her as much as he took.

“Come on Lucy,” He ran his lips over her neck and over her ear, “I wanna fuck,” He shoved one hand down over her stomach and into her sleep pants.

“Stop Mac,” She pushed his hands away, “I don't want to.”

“Bull shit, you always want to,” He laid flat on top of her and held her hands down, which wasn't an unfamiliar thing for them, he did that a lot in bed, “You haven't been able to stay off my cock since you were sixteen.”

“Stop it,” She looked up at him but it was like he didn't care, she knew that wasn't true, but he was being a first class dick now, “I said no.”

“You're my wife, even if I can't claim you publicly, I claim you now.” He was talking nonsense but to him, it made perfect sense and if she wasn't cooperating, he was going to take what he wanted. He dipped his finger back in the tin he had set on the table and shoved his finger back in her mouth. Another dose and she'd be fucking his brains out.

Then he took out his knife and cut the straps on her t-shirt and met her eyes as he sat up and straddled her again.

“You're my wife,” He cut the bottom on her t-shirt and ripped it up the front, “If you won't get naked, I'll just take care of it myself,” He did the same with her bra until she was exposed in front of him, “God damn those tits, Luce, I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since I was fourteen.”

Then she was laughing, finally, the meth had hit the dopamine receptors in her brain, he'd have to remember that for next time, so he would know much to give her. The change that came over her was instantaneous her lips crashed into his and she pried his mouth open with hers and kissed him like her life depended on it. Lucy crawled across the couch and onto his lap grinding herself down on his cock and pulling his shirt over his head. She moved her hips against him and ran her lips over his neck insisting that she needed him so bad she couldn't stand it. Mac laid back and listened to “Pink Floyd” as Lucy climbed over his body taking what she wanted.

 

 

“I am just a new boy,  
A stranger in this town.  
Where are all the good times,  
Who's gonna show this stranger around?  
Ooooooooh I need a dirty woman.  
Ooooooooh I need a dirty girl.”

 

He had never seen her like this and he fucking liked it, she was hungry for it, desperate. She ripped at his pants trying to get them undone and it wasn't fast enough for her. Her soft hand found his hard throbbing cock in no time and he let out a growl as she brought her hand over it. His hands dug into her hair and his head rolled back on to the back of the couch.

Then she was sliding down onto the floor still grasping his cock.

“That's it, baby,” He looked down at her as she licked and swirled her tongue around the tip of his dick then traveled down and back up. His eyes wanted to close but this was too good a show to miss, “Oh fuck yeah.” Mac watched her sucking him off like he was paying her and it was all he could do not to blow his load right there.

 

“Will some woman in this desert land.  
Make me feel like a real man?  
Take this rock and roll refugee?  
Oooh Babe set me free.  
Ooooooooh I need a dirty woman,  
Ooooooooh I need a dirty girl.”

 

“Fuck that’s good...I wanna cum on your tits!”

He pulled out, held her down on the couch and shot his load all over her chest, it wasn’t the money shot, but close enough for Mac. Lucy wasn’t the kind of girl you did that to anyway, this was just fine. He looked down at his cum over those gorgeous tits that he’d been so sure he would never even get to touch let alone mark as his that way.

“Get in the fuckin bedroom,” He growled.

After that magnificent blowjob, Mac was fired up and pulling his clothes and boots off as they made their way down the hallway. He grabbed Lucy by the waist and picked her up when she was moving too slow, kicked the bedroom door open and tossed her on the bed.

“Get those off and outta my way,” He laid down on the bed as she started to shuck off her pajamas,”Move it, Lucy, Bring that sweet stuff right over here.”

Lucy complied and crawled across the bed to him and he lifted her up over his chest, “This what you want baby?” She said sweetly, all of the malice in her voice from before was gone now.

“Get up here and sit on my face,” Mac instructed.

She gripped the headboard, “You’re gonna cum all over my face baby so fuckin hang on to that,” He grabbed her hips and pulled her down on his face with each of her legs next to his ears. Mac held her there, his fingers digging into her hips.  
He smacked her ass to let her know who was boss and began to move her hips with his hands.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” She nearly screeched when she felt his lips on her. He pulled her down and spread her legs wide, sliding his tongue over her pussy until she was gripping the headboard in agony. Mac moved her hips nice and slow until she was sobbing and begging to cum, then spread her legs wider to bring it home.

Lucy broke into a million tiny pieces on his face with her hands gripping the headboard as he instructed and he drank her up before pushing her onto her back and slamming into her hard.

“Oh, fuck me, good baby,” She moaned as he kissed down her neck and touched her gently there. A woman's neck was a beautiful sight to him and he always touched and kissed there.

His hand slid up to her throat, just one hand; he didn’t want to hurt her but the sight of his fingers on her neck sent fire through his blood. Lucy reached her hand up to his, he was sure she’d push it away, and he would stop then, but he would see it for a moment, it would be enough. Instead, she placed her hand over his and squeezed down on it, letting him know how much she could take, how much she wanted, how far she would let him go.

Mac watched his hands, his fingers danced over her throat and her eyes closed, she trusted him. He brought his other hand up and fucked her hard, he remembered doing it to that girl, how hard he got off that time and he could feel it rushing at him again. Lucy was moaning and he could tell she was almost there, he squeezed just a little bit harder and she was exploding all around his cock. He came seconds later, harder than ever before as he took his hand away from her throat and rode the wave with her. Already there were fingerprints forming on her skin, as she caught her breath under him and he smiled as he watched the purple marks come into view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- OK so in this chapter while I was writing this, I wondered who was the one in prison?


	32. The Otherside

“Once you know you can never go back.”

Other Side by Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

Slowly, gently, that’s how a life is taken.  
Glittering gold, trinkets, and marbles. Paid for in blood.

Author Unknown

 

“Listen to the wind blow, watch the sunrise,  
running in the shadows, damn your love damn your lies.”

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The honeymoon was over.

Lucy sat on the front steps smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee as she watched the sun go down over the canyon the next night. It was beautiful as always but her heart was heavy for many reasons. Marital bliss had been short-lived, it was almost comical if it wasn't so damn sad. She loved him, but the box next to her told her he didn't love her, he loved drugs more. In it was a syringe, rubber tubing, and a spoon, and Mac was missing again. She had found it by accident while she was cleaning their room and she thought to herself, did he want to get caught? It was under the nightstand by his side of the bed, he hadn't even taken the time to hide it from her. 

She watched as his truck came down the road, pulled next to the house and he got out. He was already vibrating with tension because when he stopped at the bar Walter told him she had called off sick. Once she read the paper that morning and found his works while she searched their room, she was sick to her stomach and not just because he was shooting dope.

“I stopped by the bar, Walter said you're sick, you OK?” He asked, “Is it because of last night, did I hurt you?”

Lucy threw down her cigarette, took the box and stood up. He saw it immediately and before he even got a chance to talk she was down the stairs and coming towards him.

“Are you putting a needle in your arm now? God dammit Mac, If you give me any diseases I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

“Ain't mine.”

“You wanna reconsider that bullshit answer you just gave me?” She hissed, “We aren't even married a year and you're lying to me?”

Mac brought his hands to her shoulders and pulled her to him, the box dropped out of her hands and landed on the ground.

“Carina,” He tried to pull her against him softly, “It's just sometimes to take the edge off.”

“Don't try and sweet talk me, I'm not falling for your bullshit, we have to talk about this.”

“Fine,” He raised his chin to her and she turned towards the door.

“Come on. I got pizza and rented Mr. Holland’s Opus, then we're going to have the most important talk of our lives”

“You gonna suck my dick while I watch it?”

She couldn't help but laugh, he always made her laugh, even if she didn't want to, damn him. She could never be afraid of him, not really, not even after what she read in the paper. She had gone out and rented his favorite movie after she had read the article in that morning's paper and saw the picture. If it was one thing she knew how to do it was how to work him.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

She had followed him because she had to know. Lucy had been convinced he was cheating on her and one night when he got up out of their bed to go roaming around, which he did sometimes if he couldn't sleep, she followed him.

The girl in the newspaper that she had seen that morning, the missing girl; Lucy had seen Mac with her. The woman had last been seen on that night Lucy followed Mac, the night she decided she had to know for sure. Now she actually saw it with her own eyes; before this only happened when she was in California. Whatever he did when she wasn't around, well, she didn't know about it and didn't want to.

Of course, she thought he was only sleeping around.

And now to do what exactly? Turn him in? Become complicit purely because she had knowledge of his crime or crimes. If there was a crime, the woman could have run away to start a new life, but Lucy knew in her gut, he did it.

The way his eyes looked when he had choked her the night before told her everything she needed to know about that. She had liked it, and she liked the look in his eye when he was doing it to her too. They had both cum at the exact same time and it had been hard as fuck too.

So what did that say exactly about him, and about her?

It wasn't just the sexual thrill, it was the movie too; his obsession with the movie called The Vanishing, and good vs evil, all their lives he had been leaving her breadcrumbs towards this one truth. He had been trying to tell her for years. She thought back over so many conversations about human nature and the nature of good and evil; the conversation they had while walking home from the bar that night.

Mac had been trying to tell her, and deep down inside she knew this girl wasn't the first.

Lucy remembered the tears that dripped down her face as she watched him sling his arm over the blonde woman’s shoulders and lead her out to the truck. The truck she had fucked him in more times than she could count, she drove home blinded with tears thinking he was cheating again if she had only known.

The question was now, how much did she love him? Did she love him enough to keep one more secret? This was no iPod or money for a car, this was so much more. Once you know you can never go back.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

 

Was he a rapist and a killer? She knew he probably was. Mac had a dark way about him that was so seductive, there were times when he was so unhappy, volatile, and she knew now why he asked her that question so long ago. Could an evil man change? Did he want to change? Lucy had been entranced with him since she was a very young girl, she liked some of the dark things about him.

If he was raping women, if he was a killer, what was she going to do about it; because she had to do something. She couldn’t stand by and do nothing, she had to stop him.

Lucy wasn’t one of those wives who when the police came to get her man and found bodies and evidence in the shed would say, ”I had no clue”. Because she did, and because she did she couldn’t let it go on.

Yet she didn’t know exactly what to do. He could be so charming when he really wanted too. And his eyes could promise you anything you wanted and there were things she wanted. She was ready to make another bargain with him, and make sure there was never another woman hurt.

Lucy knew all too well how he was sexually, he had never ever hurt her but nothing had ever been off limits and there was no safe word. If he was raping these women, it was because he wanted to and that scared her most of all.

“Well, what now Luce, how ya gonna handle this one.” She had said to herself as she thought about it for hours and now she was going to handle it.

 

/////////// 

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

She held the newspaper up with the girl's picture before they even got into the kitchen. One by one the pieces fell into place in her mind and the picture wasn’t pretty, it was terrifying. Lucy could tell right away that he knew the girl, something flashed behind his eyes. It wasn't fear at all, more like resolution, like he had been expecting this and maybe he had. 

Mac also looked relieved, as if there was a weight off his shoulders and maybe that was true.

“You know her?”

He closed his eyes, he didn't know how she knew, but she knew.

“I followed you that night, I saw you with her.”

Mac just looked at her, there was no point in lying, Lucy had put the pieces together. He wasn't surprised, he was just surprised it took her this long when he thought about it.

“And dumb ass me thought you were just fucking her.”

Mac didn't answer, he didn't need to, she wasn't asking a question, it was a statement.

“Is she the first?”

“No.” He whispered, and it actually felt good to have all the secrets out with her now.

“How many?”

He shrugged like a little kid and her heart broke for that little kid he was once, that she was once. They had been so innocent then, and now, they were as jaded as they could be.

“I’ll help you.”

“You can’t save me this time.” He said with a shake of his head.

“I can, we save each other.” She grabbed his hands in hers, “That’s what we do.”

“Not this time.”

“We can leave, go far away from here.”

“No, we can’t Luce.” Mac shook his head and she touched his arm.

“Mac, it’s you and me. Like it always was. I don’t care what you’ve done, I only care about what you’re gonna do.”

“I hurt people, Lucy, women,” He reminded her.

“But never me,” Lucy replied and realized just how that sounded; she didn't care, this was her life that she was fighting for.

He tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow as they both leaned against the counter.

“I’ve hurt you, we have what people call a volatile relationship.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes,” He replied, “You don't even know how much...I can't even explain it.”

“Do you think you can stop?”

“I did for years, then my Ma...”

“Will you stop? Can you again? We could leave here.”

He didn't answer and she knew by his tells that he was thinking hard about what to do now.

“Why was I so stupid not to catch what you were saying all those times?” She said to him, but more to herself, “ You tried to tell me so many times...Ok, Mac...this is a one time offer, null and void after tomorrow. Either you make an effort to change like we both know you can or I call Harley and you go to jail.”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Sometimes... but I love you more.” She answered, “Tell me everything. How long have you been... doing this?”

To lie or not? No sense in lying about this or anything now.

“I was fourteen or fifteen ...”

“My God,” He hand went up to her mouth, then she looked at their hands and the twin tattoos they had, “Before that night we did the tattoos when I asked you if you ...”

“Yeah,” He answered. “It was before that.”

“Well, we need to figure this out because I have some news for you.”


	33. Hope

She didn’t want to have this conversation, the last time they had a scare they almost broke up for good. But as usual for Mac and Lucy, when it rained it poured, bad news came in threes and she was waiting for number three. Her period was late, very late and that was not like her. The depo provera had made her regular as the sunrise and she was weeks late now.

Lucy understood, the chances of birth defects were high because of their close bloodline, and at 16 she didn’t want any babies, she was 24 now, fast approaching 25 and not so sure anymore. After the movie and his confession it was time for her confession, they took a shower together because they always did and then got into bed.

“I feel like I should hate you and I can't,” She started to cry and he wrapped his arms around her, and she felt safe again. This could be fixed, there wasn't anything they couldn't fix together. They would leave, and go far away, “I love you, I've never loved anyone but you and I don't know how to do this without you.”

“You don't have to...” He pulled her head down on his shoulder and ran his hand through her hair, “Carina, we're gonna fix it, I'll ...”

“I think I'm pregnant.” She whispered.

“How can that be? Lucy, you’re on the shot. “

“I don’t fucking know Mac.”

She looked up at him and he rolled over so that they were face to face.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked.

“Ain’t mad, scared.”

He pulled her close.

“Me too.” She whispered and cried some more.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Two days later she got her period and realized she had been so stressed out the past few weeks that it finally affected her that way. She had followed him six weeks ago and since then she had been holding it all inside, she had stopped eating regularly and Mac had thought she was sick like his mother had been. He was an observant man and he had noticed her weight loss, he didn't like it, he liked her curvy. At the time, at first he thought she was dieting, but then he watched her more and realized she wasn't eating at all.

He sat on the bed as she came out of the bathroom, relieved to know she wasn't sick, even if she was pregnant. They would figure it out like they had been figuring stuff out all their lives.

“I'm not...”

“Thank Christ!”

She sat down next to him and he pulled her close to him and ran his hands through her hair.

“Maybe we could...” Lucy said, “I'm kind of sad that I'm not.”

“Are you fucking nuts?”

“Other people do it Mac... we could too we aren’t special or unique. Just two people who love each other.”

“But, the genetics...I'm a fuckin bad risk if you didn't already know that.”

“I’m willing to chance it.' She sat up and looked at him with a huge smile on her face, “Imagine, a little boy like you were.”

“That’s a disaster waiting to happen,” He laughed, but then he considered that for a minute and a little girl, with dark hair that looked just like her floated through his mind.

“You make me wanna be a better man Lucy, I didn’t see it but you did, you always did.” He said, “ But I got a long way to go, and I don't want to let you down.”

“Told ya I’m not going anywhere unless it’s with you, you're my life good, bad and ugly.”

He smiled at that.

“We can get Rings and wear them, we won’t have to pretend.” She whispered, “I can take your name.”

Lucy Garcia, it had a certain ring to it he had to admit and he found that he liked the thought of her pregnant with his child... maybe they could leave. Maybe it was possible, it seemed so reachable all of the sudden.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The dream was so real that when he woke up he was surprised that they weren’t in the little house by the ocean he had seen. The house with the white fence and new paint job. He had the feeling that it was he who painted it, although maybe they had done it together. It was dark blue with black shutters and there was a deck that wrapped around the entire thing. He and Lucy sat out on that deck every day, just talking and being together. Somehow he just knew it.

She had her perfume store and he had a straight job as a mechanic, he wasn't using and he wasn't fighting the demon anymore. They had a life. It had felt so real.

There were children playing in a yard, their children, two, a boy and a girl and Lucy was holding a baby with dark hair like hers. She sat on a glider rocker on the deck feeding the baby and singing softly. He had been working in the yard, raking leaves or something and listening to her, “I got sunshine on a cloudy day, when it’s cold outside I got the month of May...” sometimes she sang Tupelo Honey, today it was My Girl.

In that town, they were just an ordinary married couple, a family. They were far away from the dark misery of Utah and the Canyon life.

As he sat up and looked around the room he knew with absolute certainty he wanted that, all of it. He wanted the children that he was so afraid to have, he wanted her to be able to wear his ring for the world to see instead of hiding from everyone. He wanted it all, could he have it? Could they really leave and start over where no one knew them? He believed maybe they could, maybe they had a chance.

As long as her mother was alive and the gossip mill of this small town existed it could never be if they stayed here in this shit hole place. Lucy would be vulnerable too if she was officially his woman. Too many people both friends and foes would try to get to him through her. It was too risky.

His own mother had pulled him aside before she passed away and told him she knew, that she had always known.

When he was two his mother had put Lucy in his care, and as she gripped his hand before taking her last breath she told him she was proud of him. She said that he and Lucy were a good thing, that what they had was nothing to be ashamed of, but also she understood why they kept it secret. She said he had done a good job.

It really was no secret, not really. More of a don’t ask don’t tell situation, they lived together, shared a bed but one knew they had snuck off and got married. Lucy had a room at the house, the room she always had since childhood but she never slept there now.

Mac still felt it was better for her if their relationship was ambiguous to the small world they lived in now. It was a necessary evil, to keep her safe.

But now he wanted the dream.

 

So let's go there  
Let's make our escape.  
So let's go there,  
Let's ask if we can stay.

Higher by Creed

 

“Luce. I had the most amazing dream,” He said to her as he ran his hands through his hair, “We had three kids. And a house by the ocean. “

He pulled her down next to him and wrapped his arms around her, laying a kiss on the side of her face.

“I want to. I want that dream, Luce, for me and you.”


	34. Knocking At Your Back Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that song is back. "Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby" by Cigarettes After Sex

“Feel it coming,  
It's knocking at the door.  
You know it's no good running  
It's not against the law.  
The point of no return  
And now you know the score.  
And now you're learning  
What's knockin' at your back door.”

Knocking At Your Backdoor by Deep Purple

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Over the next few months, Mac prepared to leave and Lucy went off the shot, they had both agreed that their lives were going to change. It was not up for public knowledge, but they were getting ready to go east, to somewhere with a beach. Years ago, when Mac had visited her in California Lucy had taken him to the beach for the first time. 

At first, he didn't want to go, but she insisted and took him to a surf shop to get some board shorts and a t-shirt. As much as he didn't like that look, it made him fit in there, with her, and they were just like any other couple on the beach that day. They even surfed a little and walked along the boardwalk. It was a whole different world than what he was used to, he felt out of place but fascinated.

As the sun went down they sat together in the sand, with their feet in the water, smelling the salt air and found a peace neither of them had ever thought possible. They would head to a beach town, maybe New Jersey or Rhode Island, and get lost among the tourists there.

Mac started saving money and laying off the crank and Lucy was having it transferred into an online account that they could access from anywhere. They weren't sure yet where they were going to land but the money would be available right away. At night they laid out in the hammock and planned their escape.

Lucy stopped taking birth control; the dream Mac had affected him, it had changed his mind about a family. It had convinced him that they had to leave. It had shown him what a straight life with her could be like and he wanted it desperately.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Carolina knew because Lucy insisted on saying goodbye to the only friend she had and Mac was OK with that, Lucy trusted her and so he did too. Over the years Carolina had proved to be a good friend to Lucy, and she had needed that, they would contact her when they finally landed where they were going. The friendship was far from over, Carolina could even come visit them, wherever they went and see a real beach with an ocean. They were definitely going to a beach town, like in his dream.

Carolina knew not to talk to anyone about it, but Lucy hadn't specifically said not to talk to Rosie and Walter. 

Two days before they were set to leave Carolina had stopped by the bar to see Lucy, but she wasn't there yet for her shift. Carolina was upset that they were leaving, Lucy was the only one of their group who had ever been a true friend to her and now they were leaving, she sat down at the bar and ordered a shot and a beer.

“Why so sad little one?” Walter asked as he placed her drinks in front of her.

“Nothing. Just I’m gonna miss her.”

“Miss who?”

“Uh, Lucy?”

“She’s on at four, you’ll see her then if you stick around,” Rosie said from behind Walter as she washed glasses getting ready for the night time rush.

“Didn’t she give you notice Walter,” Carolina asked and now she knew she had fucked up. They were leaving in two days and Lucy hadn't told Walter. There must have been some reason why, and now she had fucked up.

“Oh, oh yeah sure,” Walter said quickly, he caught it, he was one smart motherfucker and he knew there was something up, “It won’t be the same without her and Mac here.”

He placed his hand over Carolina's and offered her comfort, she would miss Lucy so much when she was gone, Walter knew that.

 

//////

Five minutes later in his office, Walter made the call he knew he was going to have to make sooner or later. He comforted Carolina, but there was work to be done now, horrible work, somehow he always knew it would come to this. He had always known, but that didn't make any easier. This hurt his heart, and Walter sighed as he picked up the phone.

This was a call he dreaded with all of his dark soul and it hurt him some, but not enough to not do it. He picked up the phone and dialed because his investment had to be protected at all costs; she wasn't his blood, she was Mac's blood, but not his.

“Get over here we gotta talk.” He said into the phone and then hung up; this was a bad fucking day. 

///////////////

 

“Whispered something in your ear,  
It was a perverted thing to say.  
But I said it anyway,  
Made you smile and look away.

Nothing's gonna hurt you baby,  
As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine.  
Nothing's gonna hurt you baby,  
Nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

 

 

The morning was shit, she was late getting her term paper in and almost forgot to stop at the drugstore after faxing the paper to her professor. They had been busy packing up their meager belongings all weekend when they weren't working and she had almost forgotten to write the paper. She had stayed up most of the night finishing it and she was dog tired, as Mac would say.

There was still so much to do before tomorrow and she was on edge. They both had to continue life as usual up until they disappeared, tomorrow. That was the plan, they were just going to disappear and never be seen again in Utah. 

Now the fucking car was broke down on the side of the road and Mac was nowhere to be found, as usual. She knew he was out on a tow job but she was the one who needed the fucking tow. Wasn't that always the way, she had so much to do and no time for this shit. 

Lucy got out of the car and kicked the tire twice then dialed Mac and got no answer again, so she left him a message to come pick her up.

She tossed the bag with the pregnancy test in it on the seat next to her and got out to walk back to town. A few cars passed her and she ignored them, but then one slowed down.

“Hey Luce, you broke down?” It was Martin, fuck she hated him and Marco was with him too.

“Yeah,” She answered, not looking up, Martin gave her the creeps on a good day and today he just made her skin crawl, “Macs on his way.” Something told her to lie about that, but instead of going on their way they drove slow alongside her.

 

“When we dance in my living room,  
To that silly '90s R&B.  
When we have a drink or three,  
Always ends in a hazy shower scene.

Nothing's gonna hurt you baby,  
As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine.  
Nothing's gonna hurt you baby,  
Nothing's gonna take you from my side.” 

 

“He's towing John Key's old piece of shit Jaguar, I just saw him,” Then he stopped the car. “I’ll give you a ride.” And the way he said it made her walk faster.

“No thanks,” She called over her shoulder and when she heard the car stop and the doors open she started to run. Lucy silently thanked god she had worn her boots and denim shorts that she could run fast in. But she wasn't fast enough, they had reached her in no time.

 

“When we're laughing in the microphone and singing,  
With our sunglasses on, to our favorite songs.

Nothing's gonna hurt you baby,  
Nothing's gonna take you from my side.”

 

She struggled to get to her knife in the boots Mac loved and she always wore but they tackled her too fast. Martin straddled her as she slapped at his face and brought his hands to her chest; he'd wanted to touch those tits for years, then he punched her twice in the face. She was knocked out cold and they quickly hoisted her up like a sack of potatoes and got her back to the car before anyone, specifically Mac, came along.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Man, I don't like this...” Stanley murmured as he looked at Lucy, still knocked out in the trunk of the car. They were at the cave and about to take her inside, but Stan was dragging his feet and Martin was in a hurry. This was not what Stan signed up for, he liked Lucy and he knew she was good for Mac. This was way out of his comfort zone and he knew that he couldn't actually kill someone he knew. 

This was an order he could not stand behind, but he knew he had to. You did not say no to Walter, not if you wanted to live. Walter was in charge of this operation and everything about it, if he said jump, you asked how high. But Martin was going to have to do the dirty work this time.

“She’s just gonna disappear,” Marco said, “Easy peasy.”

“He ain’t stupid, he'll look for her forever; come on is Walter nuts?” Stanley answered, “And he'll kill all of us.”

“Don't matter, ain't afraid of him,” Martin said as he touched her face, “Walter didn't say how to do it and I wanna keep her a few hours first.”

 

/////////

 

An hour later Mac stood at her car for about two minutes before he figured out what happened. Before he got back in the truck his eyes settled on the bag on the seat, he saw inside the bag that she had bought a pregnancy test. Lucy had not mentioned that when they had said goodbye that morning. After the last time, he couldn't blame her for not telling him until she was sure. But this time they both wanted it, it was all different now.

He went home first, just to check, and hope; but she wasn't there. He grabbed some extra bullets for the gun, then drove past the bar, which was quiet as the grave, there was only one other place to look.

 

///////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is not graphic. It’s sad but not overly detailed. Just so y’all know.


	35. Jungleland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write, I'm not gonna lie. It’s not overly graphic because that’s not really my thing. So do not worry, it’s sad but not graphic, in my opinion anyway. Also, there's music lyrics all throughout this chapter, as usual, and of course I'm a Jersey girl so I had to use my favorite Bruce song :)

“Outside the street's on fire  
In a real death waltz.  
Between what's flesh and what's fantasy  
And the poets down here  
Don't write nothing at all.  
They just stand back and let it all be,  
And in the quick of the night  
They reach for their moment,  
And try to make an honest stand.  
But they wind up wounded,  
Not even dead,  
Tonight in Jungleland.”

Jungleland by Bruce Springsteen

 

 

“And how do you think your little girlfriend, cousin, fuckbuddy or whatever the fuck you call her is gonna like knowing what you really are.” Martin sneered as he pulled Lucy up to her feet and held her against him like a shield. She was dazed and bruised and Mac's heart was in his throat just thinking what must have happened to her.

He had gotten there as soon as he could and got the upper hand quickly, only to have the tables turn when Martin got to Lucy before he could.

Mac had killed Marco and Stanley, by ambushing them in another part of the cave, but Martin wasn't going down without a fight. No fucking way and somehow Mac knew it would always have come to this, him and Martin killing each other. But Lucy was not collateral damage, she had to be saved, no matter what. She had bought a test, that meant one thing, there might be a baby.

“She already knows,” Mac answered as his eyes went over to his girl, her clothes were wet where the had poured alcohol on her and it was obvious they slammed her around. There was blood all over her legs, scratches on her arms and legs, mixed with the red dirt and Mac just knew.

Martin pulled her closer to himself and put the knife to her throat. Her head hung down at first and then she forced herself to look up. She was hurt, that was clear, but she had to keep her head up and make eye contact with Mac.

“Yeah, she does, cause we told her.” He replied, and when Mac didn't respond to that he continued, “We all took our turns already, but we left you some. You want one last ride on her before I off her.”

“No they didn’t, don't listen to him baby,” Lucy moaned, “He’s trying to make you crazy.”

But Mac knew they did, he just knew. He could see it in her face, he’d seen that look on the girls he had attacked. She was all glassy eyes and broken, there was blood on her, all over her. She had a gash on her forehead and a split lip and he was going to kill this motherfucker. His breathing started coming out in puffs, he was about to lose control and charge Martin, end this once and for all. But Martin had a knife to her throat, he had to remember that.

“Don't you fuckin touch her!” Mac yelled.

But Martin held the knife to Lucy's throat, they were at an impossible impasse and Mac saw no way out of it at all.

“They didn’t Mac, they didn't touch me. They’re a bunch of fucking pussies!” Lucy yelled, and Martin squeezed her neck harder.

“You're a fucking liar, bitch and you loved it!” Martin growled at her, “I fucked you good.”

“You wish,” Lucy yelled, “He didn't Mac, I swear to god!”

He knew that wasn't true, she was trying to calm him down and he never loved her more than in that moment. Even after what he was sure they had done to her, she was trying to calm him down; Take care of your Lucy she loves you true.

 

“I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh.  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.  
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well.  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.”

 

“We all fucked your woman.” Martin hollered again.

“Take. Your. Hands. Off. My. Wife,” Mac uttered and cocked the gun. Martin's face fell, he was a dead man walking now and he knew it.

There was nothing left to lose now, “Fuck you, Mac!”

Mac wavered for a second, he couldn't stand to hear it, they had hurt her, just like he always feared. But it was worse, he had always been afraid that she would be taken away, but this? He hadn't thought of this, and it was all his fault, maybe he should just put the gun to his own head. Then Lucy’s voice brought him back to earth.

“Mac shoot him,” She whispered, “Shoot him,” Then a little louder, “ Shoot him,” She yelled as she tried to stand up straighter and out of the way. Martin just pulled her closer and used her body as protection.

“I can’t baby,” The gun shook in Mac's hand, for the first time in his life a gun shook in his hand, “He’s got you too close.” His voice cracked, “Can't get a clear shot.”

“Do it, Mac!” She screamed, “Kill him!” Martin pulled her by the hair and moved her in front of him more, trying to keep Mac and his gun off balance.

It all happened so fast, Mac saw the blade go down on Lucy's neck and he shot, hitting Martin in the head. They both fell to the floor and he ran to her, pulling Martin's body off of her and she was so white, already dead. Mac slid down along the wall behind him and pulled her into his lap, holding her tight as her blood soaked his shirt and for one of the first times in his life he cried. He pulled her body up to his and held her between his outstretched legs, rocking back and forth in grief. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” He rocked back and forth for a long time just holding her

The pain would never go away and was so acute he didn't know if he would be able to finish this.

“I always loved you more. Lucy,” He cried, “l loved you more, goddammit.”

 

 

“The worst is over now and we can breathe again.  
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away,  
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight.  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open.  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough.  
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome,  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.”

 

AN: The song in this chapter is “Broken” By Seether holy crap it's sad and wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter after this one, thank you to everyone who read this long, convoluted mess of a story, I appreciate it so much :)


	36. The Ring Of Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac makes some plans for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like a look of Agony,  
> Because I know it's true -  
> Men do not sham Convulsion,  
> Nor simulate, a Throe -
> 
> The Eyes glaze once - and that is Death -  
> Impossible to feign  
> The Beads upon the Forehead  
> By homely Anguish strung."
> 
> I Like A Look Of Agony by Emily Dickinson

“Love is a burning thing  
And it makes a fiery ring.  
Bound by wild desire  
I fell into a ring of fire.  
I fell into a burning ring of fire,  
I went down, down, down and the flames went higher.  
And it burns, burns, burns,  
The ring of fire, the ring of fire.  
The taste of love is sweet  
When hearts like ours meet.  
I fell for you like a child,  
Oh, but the fire went wild.”

Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash, but written by June Carter- Cash :) ( Personally I hear Social Distortion's version when I think of this chapter, but that's me lol).

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The explosion was so loud it knocked him off his feet, and he was happy in that moment, even as her body laid in the back of his truck. One day he would kill Walter for this, but not right away; revenge was a dish best served cold. Even in his extreme grief, Mac knew that. For starters, he blew up the entire cave and destroyed all of Walters operation, then turned and looked at her body in the back of his truck.

For all the bodies he ever had there, he never thought hers would be one of them. There were going to be more bodies before he was done here, a lot more. But he could wait until the time was right, he was already forming a plan in his head. Walter would pay dearly for this, everyone would.

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Will you take her back to California?” Mac asked as they sat at the table in the kitchen. He was her real next of kin, but he respected her mother and gave her the choice that belonged to him.

“You know she hated California; this was where she always wanted to be. She would want to be here, this was where she was happy.”

He wanted to tell her, and he opened his mouth to say it; that he had loved Lucy more than anything in the world. There was so much he wanted to tell her mother; that they had plans for a life with babies, and that they had married. He wanted her to know that her child was loved so very much, that he did the best that he could; that Lucy and he had been happy together. Mac wanted Sheila to know that Lucy had changed him and made him a better man; that she had enriched his life and made it worth living and he would never love anyone else; he would love Lucy for the rest of his life. But Sheila didn’t want to know.

He had always wanted the world to know that she was his and he’d wanted Lucy to be proud of him. He hoped she was now, maybe she had been all along.

“I think there was something between you and Lu, I know you loved each other, but I feel like it was more to it, that it was different with you two but I don’t wanna know Mac,” She said, “ I’m an old-fashioned lady and I don’t want to think about it or know about it. I want to remember her the way I want to remember her. So Don’t say it.”

Her mother would want to visit her grave he knew that. He couldn’t even put his last name on the stone, Lucy’s real last name. Mac knew then that he would always be the only person in the world that knew they were married. She would always be Lucy Luanardi to the world but to him, she was Lucy Garcia. He had always wanted to tell everyone she was his and now he never could.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////

 

“I used to be a little boy,  
So old in my shoes.  
And what I choose is my voice,  
What's a boy supposed to do?  
The killer in me is the killer in you,  
My love,  
I send this smile over to you.”

 

 

“I got a new crew coming in. Older guys, not like those young douchebags were; people I want you to meet, you're my number one manufacturer.” Walter said to him outside the funeral parlor at Lucy's memorial service as they both smoked and leaned up against the wall.

“She was your niece...” Mac said, “How could you take away the only person in this world that thought I was worth a damn thing. How could you take her away from me?”

“She made you weak.” Walter replied, “But I didn't do this, son.”

“Ahhh, but I know you did. Nothing happens around here without your hand in it.” He said and touched his father's cheek, “I know it was you, you may not have actually done it, but it was you all the same. I won't soon forget it either, if you receive my meaning.”

Mac turned to go.

“You threatening me?” Walter asked and Mac turned back and met his eyes.

“What do you think?”

Walter just stared.

“Yes, you and yours,” Mac took him by the shirt, “You killed my wife.”

Mac pushed him into the wall and walked away.

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

As Mac smoked outside a little later, he couldn't stand being inside and spent most of the wake out on the porch of the funeral home, he noticed Carolina come out the side door and light a cigarette. He waved and she started up the steps to join him; they had words to say to each other, it was time. They stood silently though, each lost in their own thoughts for the moment, smoking until Carolina finally spoke. Mac knew Carolina had fucked up, but he also knew she didn't know at the time that telling Walter had been a mistake and he couldn't hold a grudge. He had enough grudges now and enough revenge to take on this town and the people in it. But not Carolina, she had been good to his girl. Carolina had been Lucy's only friend here.

 

“I ...thought Walter knew.” Carolina started to cry, “I didn't know.”

“It’s OK Carolina. I know you loved her and wouldn’t hurt her or do anything to hurt her,” Mac said and handed her a handkerchief, which she gratefully took and blew her nose.

“And I know you loved her,” Carolina said cautiously and looked at him in a way that said more, that said she knew.

“She tell you that?”

“No, she didn’t have to, anyone with a brain in their head could see it between the two of you. I knew back when we were kids. When you called me Lucy that time.”

“I thought you didn't catch that.” He winced and almost smiled, they had been so young then.

“Not so much,” She said with a laugh, “ No big thing Mac, but I always knew. She loved you like that and you loved her.”

“Still love her. Always will,” Mac said and threw down his cigarette.

Then he turned to her.

“We were married,” Mac said softly.

“You were,” Carolina squeaked with joy and her entire face lit up.

“Yeah, we drove to Salt Lake last year, stayed at the Hilton,” Mac began to say.

“Oh you sweet romantic man,” Carolina threw her arms around him, “You eloped!”

“Easy girl it wasn’t anything,” Mac tried to pull away from her.

“Yes it was, yes it was Mac, it was everything,” Carolina hugged him more, “You don't get it cause you're a guy, oh my God Mac, she must have been so happy.”

“She was, I think, we were,” Mac answered.

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“The peace is dead in my soul,  
I have blamed the reasons for  
My intentions poor.  
Yes I'm the one who  
The only one who  
Would carry on this far.  
Torn, I'm filthy,  
Born in my own misery.  
Stole all that you gave me  
Control you claim you save me.”

Torn by Creed

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The house went to shit fast without Lucy there, everything was going to shit. Now it was littered with garbage and tweak drawings of spiders on the wall, he never cleaned up and just let it rot now. Lucy had kept the house spotless, but he didn't see any point to that anymore. The grief was almost paralyzing. 

Mac was sinking fast, he smoked and drew and drew and smoked. Every day it was the same now, cook the meth, get high, draw some shit, rinse and repeat. There seemed no reason for anything without her.

He watched the first of the home movies of him and Lucy as kids, films of him teaching her how to walk. It was bittersweet, he would give anything to go back and change things; he would never ask her to come live with him. He would put her first instead of his own selfish needs and wants. He would never touch her, if only he could have another chance to do the right thing.

He looked down at his hand at the spider she put there and then he began to draw again. It was the only relief he felt now, when he watched the movies he was filled with regret. He wanted to go back and change it all.

Lucy had been afraid of spiders and she said he helped her get over it. But she had been the one that changed him, even if he ever got a second chance he wasn't sure he'd be able to say no to her love. She had changed him and he had almost made it.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“I took my love, I took it down.  
Climbed a mountain and I turned around.  
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills,  
'Til the landslide brought it down.  
Oh, mirror in the sky  
What is love?  
Can the child within my heart rise above?  
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?  
Can I handle the seasons of my life?  
Well, I've been afraid of changin'  
'Cause I've built my life around you.  
But time makes you bolder,  
Even children get older,  
And I'm getting older, too.”

Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

 

He stood at her grave, the way he did every day in the beginning, just talking to her. It was like she was there with him and it gave him comfort sometimes. Of course, he knew she wasn't really there, but he still talked to her and told her everything that was on his mind and in his heart. It was so hard without her, sometimes he came out here at night drunk and slept, just wanting to be close to her, to something.

 

“I gotta go now Luce, Walters other kids are coming for a visit, names are Devon and Regina. Probably a couple of assholes and I got some plans of my own.” He took a long drag on his cigarette, “I’m gonna tell them all about you baby, then I’m gonna fuck up their lives the likes of which my old man won’t believe.” 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I wrote an epilogue to this for Magenta. Feel free not to read it if you want to remember this story as the tragedy it is. But she asked me to write it and she's my bestie, so she gets what she wants; and its a bunch of fluff. So if you want the fluff, go for it. If you want the tragedy, do not read the epilogue :) as always I love you all, and thank you for reading this crazy story :)


	37. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.”
> 
> \- Oedipus Rex, Sophocles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This last chapter is for Magentasnightmare. She needed some closure and since she is the primary reason this and all of my stories even see the light of day, and she is my very best friend she gets what she wants. Now, this is really, really fluffy, if you prefer the end of this story to be Mac going berserk and killing everyone, wreaking havoc on Devon and Regina which we all know he does in the movie, do not read this epilogue. However, if you, like Magenta needed something more, then read on my friend, but you will get diabetes from this last chapter.

////////////////////

When I had you to myself  
I didn't want you around  
Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd  
But someone picked you from the bunch  
One glance was all it took  
Now it's much too late for me to take a second look  
Oh baby give me one more chance  
(show you that I love you)  
Won't you please let me  
(back in your heart)  
Oh baby I was blind to let you go  
(let you go baby)  
But now since I see you in his arms  
(I want you back)  
Yes I do now  
(I want you back)  
Tryin' to live without your love  
Is one long sleepless night  
Let me show you, girl  
That I know wrong from right  
Every street you walk on  
I leave tear stains on the ground  
Following the girl  
I didn't even want around  
Let me tell you now  
Oh baby all I need is one more chance  
(show you that I love you)  
Won't you please let me  
(back to your heart)  
Oh darlin' I was blind to let you go  
(let you go baby)  
But now since I see you in his arms, I want you back

//////////////////////

It should have said Garcia, her name was Lucy Luanardi-Garcia.

The doctor said six weeks if he was lucky, the cancer was advanced, lung cancer of course. A lifetime of abusing his body had finally caught up with him. But it was OK, he was sixty-four, more than ready to join her. There was just enough time to fix her stone; it now read Lucy Luanardi- Garcia, the way it should have long ago. 

That night Mac laid down on the bed and put the needle in his arm until he nodded off.

When Mac opened his eyes again he was laying in the hammock in his backyard and she was there in his arms. Lucy reached up and ran her hands through his hair and he pulled her close to him. He looked up and there were a million stars in the sky like there always had been for them. Then he looked back at her sweet face.

They were young again, and he couldn't believe it; he turned breathed her scent in and took her hand in his. In the moonlight, he could make out the gold ring on her left hand and one on his, and she looked like she did so long ago when he first looked at her in the moonlight when he was a very young man.

“Lucy, is it really you?”

She nodded.

“It’s really me and it’s really you.” Her face was bright and smiling.

“Is this heaven ?”

“It’s our heaven Mac, and I’ve been waiting for you a long time.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, had shit to do.” He said softly.

“It’s ok, you’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

“I missed you so much Luce,” He pulled her close to him, and for the first time in so many years, he was at peace.

“I missed you too Mac.” She brought her hands to his face and stared into his eyes.

“Do we get to be together forever?”

“Forever,” She answered, “I love you in and out of time.” 

“I always loved you more,” He replied.

//////////////////////////

 All I need Oh just one more chance To show you that I love you Baby! (I want you back) Forget what happened then (I want you back) Let me live again Oh baby I was blind to let you go But now since I see you in his arms (I want you back) Spare me of this cause Gimme back what I lost Oh baby I need one more chance ha I tell ya that I love you

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

We loved each other in and out of time.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you will let me know what you think :) I'll add the tags as I go along, as usual. If I miss any just shoot me a message and I'll gladly add them. xoxoxoxo Krissy


End file.
